Diary of a Matchmaker
Getting married is tough for the vast majority of Muslims in the West. We know because we’ve been there. My (Zaid) journey spanned nearly nine years. It was filled with rejections and self-doubt. While I (Hiba) didn't know there was a journey to be on in the first place. After we got married we decided to create something different to help single Muslims complete their deen. And so our matchmaking service Halal Match was born.
After a few years of interviewing singles, a friend suggested we journal our stories. We tweaked that idea and turned it into a podcast. In ‘Diary of a Matchmaker’ we’ll take you through this unfamiliar world of matchmaking. We’ll share our stories, experiences, and much more. So say Bismillah and tune in.
You got a story to share? Email us at: info@halalmatch.ca
Diary of a Matchmaker
The Downside of Working with Muslims
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Ever navigated the complex seas of matchmaking within the Muslim community? Join us as we recount our trials and tribulations, facing a tide of unresponsiveness and the occasional storm of unprofessionalism. We're on a mission to connect hearts while grappling with the silence from clients, parents, masjids, and MSAs alike. Hear our stories of perseverance through the frustrating quiet, and the rare but treasured positive responses that keep our sails billowing. From missing-in-action clients to awkward revelations and a sense of entitlement that can unnerve the sturdiest of ships, we've seen it all. Contrast that with our smoother voyages alongside non-Muslims, and you'll see the professional seas we navigate are as varied as they are unpredictable.
Setting sail into the waters of professional conduct, we find the Muslim community's compass sometimes points away from Islamic principles such as punctuality and respect—values we cherish deeply as adab and akhlaq (Islamic manners and morals). While our conversation might mirror the waves of a venting session, it's a reflection shared by many entrepreneurs bobbing along in similar boats. Through these shared seas of experience, we extend an oar for you to join our journey and contribute to a discussion that's more than just us talking to the wind. Share your thoughts, anchor your insights, and let's chart a course together for higher standards within our community.
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Assalamu alaikum, I'm Hiba.
Speaker 2:And I'm Zaid.
Speaker 1:You're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.
Speaker 2:A podcast that will take you into our world as matchmakers.
Speaker 1:We'll share our experiences and offer advice for the single Muslim.
Speaker 2:So let's dive in.
Speaker 1:Bismillah, assalamu alaikum everyone, welcome to another episode of Diary of a Matchmaker. I am Hiba and on the other mic is my husband and co-host, zaid.
Speaker 2:Assalamu alaikum everyone.
Speaker 1:Wa alaikum assalam, zaid, I have a question for you. I always have questions.
Speaker 2:Many questions.
Speaker 1:Okay. What frustrates you about being a Muslim matchmaker?
Speaker 2:A lot of things I would have to say, one of them being unprofessionalism. How so, so God? It ranges from people that we've tried to collaborate with from clients to parents at festivals. I don't even know where to start.
Speaker 1:Yeah, even, you know even masjids. Masjids yes, you write emails to masjids, you call them, you leave voicemail, you wait, but you never get a response.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the surprising thing is that we thought that masjids were the one place that would be receptive to our kind of work. We figured that masjids would understand the needs of the community, were connected to the community, understood that we're seeing the same problems that they're seeing, probably right that people are struggling to get married. They don't have available options, so usually we assume that they would be receptive to our work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because you know there is a big problem in the community, especially masjids. People turn to masjids and imams for help like finding matches and stuff. So we assume they're going to be so receptive, and not just for the matchmaking part, also for the educational part. We do, alhamdulillah. We do workshops to prepare people for the journey of finding a spouse, where to look how to assess compatibility, maturity, all of that. And we know there is a need for it because spouse, where to look how to assess compatibility, maturity, all of that, and like, we know there is a need for it because, alhamdulillah, we always get great feedback, but masjids, for some reason, they are not receptive.
Speaker 2:Yeah, how many masjids have we contacted, by the way?
Speaker 1:My God, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I think it must be in the hundreds.
Speaker 1:Even MSAs. Oh, that's another conversation.
Speaker 2:But talking about masjids first, yeah, we've approached masjids in person, we've contacted them, we've made phone calls, emails I think total in terms of responses maybe one or two and, alhamdulillah, after contacting over 100 masjids, we finally do have a masjid that is receptive to our work and, inshallah, we're planning on doing a workshop with them soon. But yeah, it's not just matches, it's, like you said, also MSAs, msas. It's like the dynasty of MSAs, yeah, god, the bureaucracy of MSAs. I know it just sounds like I'm just attacking groups and organizations, but we're just sharing what we're seeing.
Speaker 1:This is our diary.
Speaker 2:Well yeah, msas, yeah, I mean, how many responses have we gotten? From MSAs?
Speaker 1:I must have emailed every MSA in the whole of Canada, like from coast to coast, like in the hundreds. Whatever university or college or whatever you can think of, I emailed them Instagram.
Speaker 2:you're talking about emails.
Speaker 1:All of that we got response, I think, from three. Two of them said no, we're not interested, and one was actually open and, alhamdulillah, we're planning a workshop with them as well.
Speaker 2:Alhamdulillah, but yeah, what about?
Speaker 1:clients.
Speaker 2:Clients. Of course, unprofessionalism definitely carries over to our clients too. We had a recent incident with a client where we had the perfect client for him Perfect match, sorry, the perfect match for him. She lived close to him, you know, matched him in terms of age and other things and we reviewed his form, we reviewed her form and we're trying to schedule a call and, lo and behold, it turns out that he's already talking to someone, that he already has somebody and that he doesn't need our service anymore. And this has happened more than once.
Speaker 1:Yeah, in our other incident we actually went and introduced his profile to her and she was taken by the profile and she wanted to move forward. Then it turns out he's also talking to somebody and we had to convey that to her.
Speaker 2:It was uncomfortable. It was a very uncomfortable conversation. But in other cases and there's more cases of this. We have other clients who have signed up with us and they go MIA. We don't hear back from them Sometimes. In some cases I have to email again, I have to text message them. I have to say, please, we have a match for you. Please schedule a call with us so we can help you get married, because clearly it's more of a priority for us than it is for the world.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and on the other end end, we have people who come with the entitlement mentality. They're like I. I remember a specific incident where the guy emailed and he didn't talk to us, he didn't fill out a mini form or anything, he just sent an email like, uh, why should I reviewed your fees, why should I pay you this much? And something along the line of no, actually not along the line verbatim. I was trying to give you a chance to convince me of why I should use your services. Wow, convinced, like buddy, we're not begging. Yeah, it's a service.
Speaker 2:So my question is do you ever see this with non-Muslims? Because, alhamdulillah, we have a second business and we work a lot with non-Muslims, but do you see this with them?
Speaker 1:Not, really, not really.
Speaker 2:I don't think I've ever seen it.
Speaker 1:So we have a small booth at a local farmer's market here.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And we see exactly the opposite, and it's always shocking. There's always respect, there's always kindness.
Speaker 2:They're always. Sometimes they're tipping us and you know it's just crazy the difference we see with non-Muslims versus Muslims.
Speaker 1:And we've worked with non-Muslims like outside of the business, outside of business, and we never see this Like alhamdulillah, they're always respectful, come on time, show up on time and if they're late, they apologize, and apologize and apologize. Where, on the other hand, we have people who schedule discovery calls for a halal match.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And they don't show up, or they show up late, and then they don't even apologize.
Speaker 2:I can clearly remember a case with a client who showed up late more than once and he was driving and we were waiting.
Speaker 1:He had to wait like 10 minutes until he finally.
Speaker 2:It was more than that. I think it was more like 15 minutes, Something like that. Finally he pulled over. He didn't even apologize. We went on with the call, introduced the match to him and the icing on the cake is that we never even got a response from him about whether or not he wanted to move forward with the match.
Speaker 1:So all the time we invest in reading forms, matching them and all the scheduling calls it just goes unnoticed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and on the flip side, we do have to admit that there are clients who show us tremendous appreciation and gratitude. We had a client that alhamdulillah, just got married last year, and not only did he invite us, but he scheduled a video call on his own time with his fiance, just sharing his experiences and just filling us with joy about how much we helped him and facilitated the process. So it's not all doom and gloom, it's not all dark.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it's just one of the things that's a little bit frustrating. Yeah, when it comes to any service-based business yeah the entitlement mentality and it's probably because people think the customer is always right and it's not the case what was the your experience on that one whatsapp arab group?
Speaker 1:oh god, I was on a whatsapp arab group arab group for also like marriage group and, um, I was just talking about our service if anyone's interested, and when they learned that we charge, they like they flipped and I received a very harsh message from them kicked you out of the group, didn't?
Speaker 1:before they kicked me, they sent me a harsh message. Uh, the admin sent it to me and, um, I felt like I was doing something haram or something, and that's what I'm so talking about. They kicked me out. That's what I'm talking about, them entitlement mentality. We think we're entitled for everything. We're entitled for free stuff. And like, why shouldn't I get paid? This is my, this is my livelihood. Why shouldn't I get paid? Exactly is my livelihood. Why shouldn't I get paid? Or like, if there's a Quran teacher, somebody like taking care of the masjid, like it's expected they're going to do it for free.
Speaker 2:Exactly. It's something that's really messed up Amongst Muslims. There are so many more cases. I remember Another incident with with an imam and we were talking. I was talking to him about promoting our workshop and saying, just letting the public know about it, just letting the public know about it. And I was saying you know, brother, my wife and I are matchmakers. We do this full time and we have a lot of experiences to share. And he's like oh, do you guys work on finding a second wife, or how about a third wife? And he kept going and then he said, oh, would you guys help with a girlfriend? And he was clearly joking, but I just kind of let this immaturity ride itself out before I said you know, I forgot what.
Speaker 2:I said. But I said, yeah, no, we do this full time, we're professionals, we're professionals. And finally, after five or seven minutes of this immaturity, he finally realized oh yeah, he is serious. And we finally had a mature conversation about the topic of marriage in the workshop. But yeah, this unprofessionalism and immaturity it goes from imams to young people to the older generation. We see it at festivals when it's people talking about getting a second or third wife.
Speaker 1:It's everywhere, yeah, but you know, what's strange is that muslims act professionally with non-muslims but when it comes to that's so true. When it comes to acting with other muslims, they're like. Notice how they stick to the rules of like um when looking for parking at a mall or any any public place, but when they come to the masjid, it's like a zoo that's so true yeah, when they have a doctor's appointment, they show up on time they, but when they're dealing with a muslim service provider, it's different yeah like.
Speaker 1:Do we like? Why do we set the bar so low? Like?
Speaker 2:it's too long, I guess, with muslims and then we cherry pick parts of our religion that that serves the agenda we have right, but we ignore the parts that talk about professionalism and respect to the people's time, all adab, akhlaq, all those things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know this, we know this episode might come off as us just ranting and honestly it is. We like we enjoy what we do. Alhamdulillah, it's very rewarding, but I'm sure any entrepreneur, any Service provider. Exactly, they have their fair share of frustrations, especially when dealing with people. So this is just one of those times, and we just wanted to give you a glimpse on our diary, I guess.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I hope you guys enjoyed this. I hope you got a little glimpse of our lives as service providers as well as matchmakers. But, yeah, feel free to share this or put something in the comment section and uh, see you next time.