Diary of a Matchmaker

How To Make Your Profile Stand Out

• Halal Match • Episode 19

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What if the key to finding your perfect match on matrimonial websites lies in the way you present yourself? In this episode we uncover the art and science behind creating a compelling matrimonial profile. We break down the essential elements of authenticity and how presenting your true self can attract the right people. Learn how to articulate your strengths while maintaining a genuine and relatable profile. This episode is packed with actionable tips to ensure your profile stands out and truly reflects who you are and what you bring to a relationship.

Ready to take your profile to the next level? Tune in and make sure to take notes.

If something we said made you think, laugh, or feel seen, leave us a rating and review! It helps more people find the show. And hey, if you know someone who needs to hear this episode, send it their way. Sharing is caring!


Building a Successful Marriage Profile

Speaker 1

Assalamu alaikum, I'm Hiba. And I'm Zaid, you're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.

Speaker 2

A podcast that will take you into our world as matchmakers.

Speaker 1

We'll share our experiences and offer advice for the single Muslim.

Speaker 2

So let's dive in. Bismillah, assalamu alaikum everyone, welcome to another episode of Diary of a Matchmaker. My name is Zaid and on the other mic is my wife and co-host, hiba.

Speaker 1

Assalamu alaikum.

Speaker 2

So, most likely, if you're listening to this episode and you're single, you're either on a matchable website or you're thinking about it, or maybe you're on an app. It's something that is pretty much the norm these days. Hiba and I were both on a matrimonial website and that's how we got married, and you. We've seen a lot on matrimonial websites in terms of the way people make their profiles and what they try to do to make them stand out. So, inshallah, hopefully, through this episode, we're going to give you guys some tips and some advice on what you can do to increase your chances of finding a good match and what you can do on your profile to help with that.

Speaker 1

You know, the funny thing is, these platforms could be your best friend or your worst enemy.

Speaker 2

Very true.

Speaker 1

Yeah, and if you ask people who use platforms, you're going to hear very different answers. They're going to be like oh, my cousin met his wife on this website, whatever a hundred stories. And on the on the other hand, you're going to hear people who say, uh, I was traumatized using these websites. I was uh harassed, I was scammed, ghosted, catfished, whatever it is.

Speaker 2

So I was scammed, ghosted catfished, whatever it is.

Speaker 1

So these tips, inshallah, will help you make the most out of them and make them work for you.

Speaker 2

Yeah, inshallah. Tip number one talk about what you bring to the table. If you're a man, then think from the perspective of a woman, understand what her needs are. So, as a woman, obviously you are a woman. That's what I identify as good to know, uh, what is the number one core need of a woman when she's looking to get married?

Speaker 1

uh, she needs to know that the man is responsible okay that he is emotionally available. This is very, very important okay she doesn't want to marry a robot. She doesn't want to marry a business partner or a boss. She wants somebody who can open up and can show his emotional side, maybe be a little bit romantic let me jump in right here.

Speaker 2

So when you say responsible, what do you mean?

Speaker 1

responsible, as in he's reliable he takes care of himself. He takes care of himself. He can take care of a family. Uh, he's not just gonna run away like when the first problem happens right.

Speaker 2

The responsibility shows seriousness as well I think that bleeds more into maturity than responsibility, but both of them, I guess, yeah, okay, yeah uh emotion, um emotional maturity.

Speaker 1

We said no. What did we say?

Speaker 2

uh emotional availability yes, and so what does that mean?

Speaker 1

uh, like I said that, he has his human side. He can be uh deep, he can be uh romantic and he can make time to listen to her.

Speaker 2

A listener. That was her emotion. That's the next one I was gonna say he's a good listener.

Speaker 1

Women we interview always say I'm looking for someone who's a good listener, who is a good communicator, who doesn't have a temper when we disagree. He's just like he erupts Right.

Speaker 2

So women are looking for a lot of things but this is just off the top of my head and as a man.

Speaker 1

Your profile should show that you offer this, that you bring this to the table. You start with some lines about you, a few lines about you, about, like, your interests, your passions, what do you do, whatever it is right, and then what you bring to the table. So, for example, uh, if you are a good listener, you can say that my friends always mention that I'm a good listener. They come to me with their problems. Um, if my friend calls at 1 am they need, uh, I don't know, like an emergency, I'm always there for them my parents.

Speaker 1

These things are true of course we're not saying make up anything right yeah, we're given that these things are true. My parents always make dua for me, uh, like I'm a good son, uh, and this is. This has nothing to do with praising yourself, and this is not the place to be humble. It's not about being humble or praising yourself.

Speaker 2

It's just about being comfortable with your own skin and recognizing your strengths, right, yeah, so double, I would say double down on your strengths, um, and if there is one thing that your friends say is a key quality about you that really defines who you are, make that stand out in your profile, exactly, yeah.

Speaker 1

I believe, for example, I believe the woman is the queen of the house and I will do my best to make her feel safe, make her feel valued, appreciated. I will help out with home chores, house chores, whatever. I will work hard to build a good relationship between my parents and my future spouse. Parents and my future spouse, so things that will. When a woman reads these things, she's like, oh, I want to go to I want to get to know this person.

Speaker 1

This sounds like a good, like a marriage, material person to me right, and not just another profile right, right.

Speaker 2

so, yeah, that actually makes sense that you don't, because there's a fine line between talking about yourself and talking about what you're looking for in a match, right, and when you're talking about yourself, it's like you said, you're not trying to be humble or modest, but you're trying to come from a place where you are presenting the best version of yourself and you are showing what you bring to the table.

Speaker 1

You're sharing a genuine version of yourself.

Speaker 2

Right.

Speaker 1

Not just the best version. So just be genuine and put some effort into it. Don't just build your profile in 10 minutes, upload two pictures and then start hunting. I would say, right, put some uh effort into it, let the girl see that you invested time, that you're taking this seriously and uh, put in the work yeah, and tied to that, you want your profile to be a magnet.

Speaker 2

Well, the thing that we've heard over and over again from people and sometimes clients leave us because they just get burned out and what they're doing is, instead of allowing their profile to be a magnet, they are just putting the wrong things on their profile and they are spending all of their energy searching and hunting they're making a profile a repellent a repellent.

Speaker 2

That's the, that's the right word. So, yes, when you're doing implementing these things, these things as he was suggested, you're allowing your profile to be a magnet, and I remember baba ali talks about this so much that he implemented a lot of these things because he understood what the core needs were of women and many women messaged him, but he was clear about what he wanted and he had his list of very specific questions and there was only one girl that answered the questions correctly and that was the girl he ended up marrying.

Speaker 1

Yeah, subhanAllah, subhanallah. So, like, what men are looking for in a woman are different from what men are looking for in a man, right, what women are looking for in a man. So don't think from like when building your profile. Don't think from a man's perspective, because hopefully you're not trying to attract men, right? You're hoping to attract a woman. So think from a woman's perspective, and same thing for women. Now, when building your profile, try to think from a man's perspective. What is a man looking for? What are the core needs of a man's perspective? What is a man looking for? What are the core needs of a man? Zaid?

Speaker 2

one of his needs are is that a woman is going to be respectful of him, he's going to understand that he's the leader of the home and that he won't be undermined. Um, because, as I've always said in the workshops, there cannot be two captains steering the ship, of course, right. Um, we mentioned the hadith in the previous episode.

Speaker 2

Um talking about how the prophet sallallahu alayhi the workshops. There cannot be two captains steering the ship, of course, right um? We mentioned the hadith in the previous episode, um talking about how the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam referred to women oh sorry, referred to men as the shepherds of their home. So when a woman understands that and says that um somehow shows that in her profile, that I would be a means of support for my future husband, that I would let him take charge in certain matters, I would respect his decision.

Speaker 2

I would respect his decision that I would be by his side through good times and bad. That will win huge points for a man, instead of just flaunting your independence and your achievements and your education and there's nothing wrong with having those things, but those aren't the things that are going to attract a man, exactly yeah, these things could impress another woman, right that you achieved all of that.

Speaker 1

You're a woman, you're independent and all of that, mashallah and a man will respect your achievements as well. But when looking for a wife, he's probably looking, like you said, for somebody who's gonna allow him to practice his leadership.

Speaker 2

Yeah, I said this in the previous episode, that you know you as a woman. You could be a ceo, a politician, you could be whatever you want in society and that's great. But at home the husband is the leader right that you are a wife and you are a mother, and that the husband is the ceo or the captain of the home that's like basically the meaning of yeah men are maintainers of women yes, yeah, care.

Speaker 1

I mean, that word is interpreted many different caretakers like they maintain their affairs, they look after their affairs and you don't have to worry about all of that.

Speaker 2

Yeah, and I don't want my words to get misinterpreted. I'm not saying that women should be subservient. I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is that, um, the women have their roles and men have their roles, and that, uh, ultimately, the man is in charge of them.

Speaker 1

Yeah, yeah, the woman is in charge of the kitchen, though, so don't think you can go to the kitchen cupboards and just rearrange everything. No, that's not your department. Yeah, um, what are other needs?

Speaker 2

core needs of a man uh, other core needs, I would say, um, somebody who will bring beauty to the home Right. I remember Aba Ali mentioned this too that the best analogy is like a painting. What a wife brings to the painting is the colors, is life, it's all the things that illuminate that, that picture and the and the home is, no, not much different.

Speaker 2

Right, when you baba ali would talk about, um, what a guy, what a single bachelor's home would typically look like. Right, you see toilet paper hanging from the ceiling. You wouldn't see salt and pepper. You would see the fridge is empty. There's probably shoe stains everywhere. It's filthy, because that's just how guys operate. But a woman's home is much different.

Speaker 1

Of course.

Speaker 2

Right. So understanding that when a woman enters the home, she's going to be filling the place with love and life and affection, and these are the qualities you bring. So how can a woman change her profile to reflect these needs of men? That's a good question. So wording is very important. I would say the best thing to do is just like you said. It's no different than making a profile. Making a profile for a guy uh, double down on your strengths. If there is a key defining quality about you, um, for example, you're always there for your friends. You are the one person that your friends come to for, uh, for support. Show this.

Speaker 1

Talk about that give specific examples that we'll talk about specificity later so, uh, since we talked about, talked about leadership, then a woman can say on her form if she actually believes that I believe that a husband is the leader of the house, I will respect his decisions. I take care of the people. I love um, I love cooking.

Speaker 2

If you're good at cooking, men love home-cooked meal so yeah, so I enjoy a huge win for guys.

Speaker 1

I know I love beautifying the house. I will be a means of support. Like you said, anything that you actually believe and is actually a quality of yours, mention that, put, uh, put on the lens of a man and try to think of why this man would be lucky to have you as a wife yeah, oh, another thing to add.

Speaker 2

If you're more of a religiously oriented person, um, you could quote ayahs that you know relate to your perspective on marriage. If you're, if you know, if you strongly believe that men and women are protection of each other, then quote that. They are a garment for you and you are a garment for them.

Crafting a Standout Marriage Profile

Speaker 1

That will win you points too, because it will demonstrate how connected you are to your deen, as well as your perspective on marriage actually one thing that clients male clients always mention when like deal breakers, someone who's not like a firm feminist or like who has extreme views on feminism and all of that. So again, think from a perspective of a man. He's not looking for a woman, who's all about independence and all, because if you are that independent, then why would you need a man, right?

Speaker 1

right yeah, a man likes to feel that he's needed so so let your profile reflect that yeah definitely tip number two tip number two specificity.

Speaker 2

This is so important, uh, because you have to understand that your, your profile is one of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, on any matrimonial website, so you need to show how you stand out from the rest. Um, we've talked about deal breakers in the past, how we would always get generic deal breakers, people always saying the same thing over and over again. You know somebody who smokes, somebody who doesn't pray, etc.

Speaker 1

So, similarly, you want things in your profile that reflect you, um, your uniqueness, um, so let's use this an example of how somebody can make their profile specific uh, for example, let's say, when you're talking about your job, what do you do so link it to something deeper, like um, I don't know a higher purpose that you're working towards if you're a doctor, for example, so maybe your profile can show why you chose that profession.

Speaker 2

I and, of course, again, everything has to be genuine, nothing made up yeah, uh, if you're a doctor or if you're a pediatrician and you live in toronto. I don't know how many Muslim pager churches in Toronto Exactly. It's not specific enough. You can't rely on your credentials and your career to sell you To stand out, To stand out exactly.

Speaker 1

If you are, maybe if you're a woman and you work with young children, then do mention that in your profile and link it to why a man would be lucky to have you as a wife. I love working with children. I believe children are the future of the Ummah. I will take care of our children, our future children. Maybe I am planning to homeschool our children. This is like link it to something that's gonna help show your strengths. If you are a man, you work, work. I don't know you're an entrepreneur, so you can focus on the fact that you um I don't know you enjoy putting yourself like getting out of your comfort zone.

Speaker 1

You like challenge, you like growth financial independence financial independence exactly right um, any anything can make you stand out, because there are no two people.

Speaker 2

No two people the same they're all different in one way or another. Yeah, and to add to that and we mentioned this in previous episodes that if you're going to, for example, using the entrepreneur example, when you're um, when you're sharing your strengths, uh, about, you know financial independence and things of that nature. You're naturally repelling people who aren't interested in that risk averse who are risk averse.

Speaker 2

So naturally you're not going to be wasting your energy on people who won't support you in those endeavors so that's another huge plus where, if you're spending the time on your profile and making that the best it can be, you are going to attract the right people, naturally exactly, or for another example let's say you enjoy working out, then link it to something deeper.

Speaker 1

I, um, I believe our bodies are a gift from allah. They are an amana from allah. I plan to, uh, take care of my body and I um, I don't know I plan to take care of the health of my family. Anything can work to your advantage.

Speaker 2

Even a disability can work to your advantage yeah, you can weave these things into your goals. That you know. I plan, inshallah, after marriage, to continue going on hikes to uh. Um, you know having uh an exercise routine with my wife where we do certain things together like, use this as a a tool to connect and bring us closer.

Speaker 1

I plan to take care of your parents like I take care of my parents. I have immense respect for the elderly and not just like mention information not just leave the information like it is I like going to the gym. I like to travel like something deeper, for example. I don't think anyone hates traveling at least that's what we've, what we've been seeing on our registration. Everybody loves to travel, yeah but how would traveling make you stand out?

Speaker 2

yeah, I mean, everybody puts it on their forms, exactly, exactly and everyone's looking for somebody who enjoys traveling yeah but link it to something deeper again.

Speaker 1

So I don't know. I like traveling because I enjoy learning about new cultures, connecting with people.

Speaker 2

I enjoy cuisine, I enjoy cuisines.

Speaker 1

I like learning about new languages. I like to go and see the beauty of the world. It connects me to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.

Speaker 2

The thing that underpins All of these things is authenticity.

Speaker 1

Authenticity.

Speaker 2

That has to be the running theme in your profile. Of course Not just saying these things to win points, but as long as they are a reflection of who you are, inshallah, it will naturally attract the right person Exactly.

Speaker 2

And last but not least, pictures. Oh man, I could talk all day about pictures. Uh, even professionally speaking, we still get pictures of of guys where, like the thing is, we put clear instructions on our registration form. We say we want a headshot and a body shot, and yet sometimes the body shot is half the body and the head shot is just like with side from the side from the side or something else. So please, guys and girls, invest in your pictures.

Speaker 1

I would say more so for girls, because guys are naturally visually driven there I would argue the opposite, because girls would naturally invest in their pictures, but guys just like whatever Right yeah. You know what I would say invest in a photo shoot or not a photo shoot Like go to a photographer.

Speaker 2

Yeah, go to a photographer, get a professionally done picture in a studio or something.

Speaker 1

No Photoshop, no filters.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

Yeah, because at one point they're gonna see you in person and like you, can't hide it right right, it does cost a couple hundred dollars, but it's well worth the investment yeah, well worth it. First impressions are important.

Speaker 2

Yes, um smiles go a long way for guys.

Speaker 1

Guys, please no frowning.

Speaker 2

Yes, so yes, invest in pictures, and a personal frustration that I've witnessed when I was searching was girls who hide their profile pictures. Please, if you are on a matrimonial website, don't make it a hunting experiment for guys to find your picture or make him have to message you to see your picture. It's so frustrating.

Speaker 2

yeah, if you're on a matrimony website, you're looking to get married, right, so make it easier for the guy, of course, make it appropriate, make it professional make it, you know as clean as possible, um, but may make sure that your picture is visible and don't take pictures with your friends and make the guy have to figure out which one is you and also try for guys and girls as well, but maybe a little bit more for girls try to make your pictures natural.

Speaker 1

So even if you wear makeup, don't wear heavy makeup where like you look like a different person you're unrecognized, exactly because many guys many guys don't like access makeup and many guys don't like makeup at all. So just make it look natural. And for guys, don't don't take pictures in the gym flexing your biceps. Don't take pictures in front of I don't know a lamborghini or something girls really hate, that just be yourself, like a smile goes a long way. Um, nice shirt, nice haircut. Get a fresh haircut.

Speaker 2

Before taking a posting a picture you know these things sound like such common sense, but I'm. The thing that just came to my mind right now was our matrimonial event last year, when a guy came to the event with his shirt half open and he's sitting across the girl that we matched him with and we were just thinking, okay, does this guy not care?

Speaker 1

It was a long thing and the girl had to sit through it. And she said, I knew from the first 30 minutes that I like this is not a good match.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

So invest in these things and, yeah, maybe general tips for using the platforms. I don't know if you mentioned it, I can't remember, but don't message more than one person at the same time.

Speaker 2

Oh yeah, we didn't mention that.

Speaker 1

Yeah, and personally I'm guilty of this too okay not don't message more than one person, but don't start talks with one person at the same time more than one person more than one person, exactly because you're. It's just gonna make make it very confusing for you to choose. You're gonna start comparing uh, a to b and it's not fair.

Speaker 2

Like, just invest your entire energy with the right, like with one person at a time, yeah, and to add to that, if you are about to message a girl, first of all I said in the previous episode, read the form before you look at the picture, and if you are about to message a girl, mention some things that you found attractive read the profile.

Speaker 2

Read the profile so if you find out that you know the girl that you're interested in is a teacher, maybe mention hey, I saw that you are a teacher. Uh, what grade do you teach? What motivated you to become a teacher? That'll win you huge points, because you actually invested the time in reading the form Rather than saying hey, salam, I saw your profile, let's chat. Right and sending the same message to 10 different girls expecting a response.

Speaker 2

You're not going to get good results like that. So take the time to read the form Mention something that you liked in their form, and, inshallah, go a long way.

Speaker 1

And one last advice guys and girls at the same time. Don't put on the profile. My wally is monitoring, monitoring this account. Message my wally first, or whatever it is. Even guys, I saw it, my son is a very busy doctor. If you're interested, talk to me. So this is a major turn off. You're an adult, you are responsible and, assumingly, you are ready for marriage. So take charge of your own affairs.

Speaker 2

Exactly.

Speaker 1

I think this was a much longer episode than usual, but there's just so much to share.

Speaker 2

But yeah, just like we always say, definitely, uh, shoot us some fan mail, let us know what your thoughts and if you like the podcast, by the way, give it a rating.

Speaker 1

Come on, it's free. Rate us on whatever platform you're listening to the podcast on it.

Speaker 2

It helps us a lot yeah, we take improving and growing. Yeah, we take a lot of time trying to prep for these episodes. So, uh, it definitely helps us provide more value to you guys. So, uh, yeah, we appreciate it okay, till next time.