Diary of a Matchmaker
Getting married is tough for the vast majority of Muslims in the West. We know because we’ve been there. My (Zaid) journey spanned nearly nine years. It was filled with rejections and self-doubt. While I (Hiba) didn't know there was a journey to be on in the first place. After we got married we decided to create something different to help single Muslims complete their deen. And so our matchmaking service Halal Match was born.
After a few years of interviewing singles, a friend suggested we journal our stories. We tweaked that idea and turned it into a podcast. In ‘Diary of a Matchmaker’ we’ll take you through this unfamiliar world of matchmaking. We’ll share our stories, experiences, and much more. So say Bismillah and tune in.
Do you have a story to share? Email us at: info@halalmatch.ca
Diary of a Matchmaker
Lessons From Twenty Years Of Searching w/ Nida K.
In this episode, we join you on the listening side, as Nida K. shares her twenty-year journey searching for marriage. She opens up about the challenges she faced, the lessons she learned, and her hopes for the future. If you're someone on the journey to marriage, this episode will relate to you in one way or another.
If you have a story to share, we'd love to have you on the podcast. Send us an email with a summary of your story at: info@halalmatch.ca
Assalamu alaikum, I'm Hiba. And I'm Zaid, you're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.
Speaker 2:A podcast that will take you into our world as matchmakers.
Speaker 1:We'll share our experiences and offer advice for the single Muslim.
Speaker 2:So let's dive in Bismillah.
Speaker 1:Assalamu alaikum everyone. Welcome to another episode of Diary of a Matchmaker. My name is Hiba and on the other mic is my husband and co-host, zaid. Assalamualaikum Waalaikumsalam, today we are doing something a little bit different, where we are hosting a dear friend of ours, nida, and Nida is somebody who's been trying to get married for some time and she has her own story and her own journey to share with you guys. Maybe somebody can relate. So, nida, welcome, and thank you so much for accepting our invitation.
Speaker 3:Salaam alaikum everyone. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:You are very welcome, Nida. Where should we start? You have a long story. Yes, that is for sure. Let's start from the beginning. How did your journey start? When did you start? Let's start from the beginning.
Speaker 3:How did your journey start? When did you start? So my journey started when I was in university. I knew that I wanted to get married young. I wanted to have children, I wanted to have a family, so I decided to go to a university in the GTA. I didn't want to go too far from home, but I was still far enough that I could be independent and have the opportunity to meet new people.
Speaker 3:Though, when I got to university, it was a little bit of a disappointment because, I don't know, maybe it was the university I was at. I wasn't at a big university like York or University of Toronto. It was still a big university, but it didn't have that many Muslims and that many South Asians and I was hoping to meet more Muslims. I did meet new Muslims and I did meet some South Asian people, but not as many as I thought I would have. And the thing is that when I got there, it was weird that everybody was already matched up and I'm like what kind of university is this? When did they have time to do that? I don't know.
Speaker 3:I'm like these people are studying all the time in the library, but yet when you find out and ask, hey, is this guy single. And they're like no, he's with so and so he's with so and so, and I'm like, okay, so there's like nobody available. That's crazy. So that's how my university years went. And then I graduated, I went to postgraduate school and again I didn't go to the main campus at York. It was a satellite campus and unfortunately, at the satellite campus it was not very many people, it was just people from my program. So I didn't really meet anybody there either.
Speaker 1:Okay, it's interesting that, like Muslims in the GTA, there's a very high percentage of Muslims there and yet, subhanallah, your luck just didn't seem to pan out?
Speaker 3:No, but I also think this was, you know, a while ago. Right, it was many, many years ago. So I think it's changed the gta and we see a lot more international students, a lot more immigrants have come in the last 20 plus years, so it was a bit of a different population. So that's why I think it was harder for me to meet people, plus my high school experience like I grew up in a suburb, it was not very diverse, very few Muslims so I think all of those things kind of made my journey a little bit more difficult.
Speaker 2:Okay, I think the thing that stands out to me right off the bat is the fact that you started your search early, right, which is something we don't see a lot of, especially with girls that they start their search late, usually after the graduate degree or, you know, into their 30s. So I'm happy to hear that you actually started putting in the work at an early stage in your life.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and you know my intentions were always pure. I always wanted to do the right thing. I wanted to get married. I wanted to have a family. I aspired that since I was a little girl and as a Muslim, like we were not allowed to date, Like in high school I didn't go to the prom, Like I missed out on a lot of these things because I was waiting for the right person and to get married. But then my journey didn't turn out the way I was hoping it would.
Speaker 1:So what else have you tried? You graduated, you started working. What did the journey look like from there?
Speaker 3:So then the journey became interesting, because now I finished school and I'm not meeting any new people and the career I chose it's teaching. It's not a career that there's too many men in, and especially as an elementary teacher, I was working in K-5 schools. I'm working with mostly women, so I'm not meeting people there, so now I have to. At that time we didn't have apps, but we did have websites. There were still matchmaking events happening as well as there were a lot of social things happening. So I was younger, I used to go out a lot and I met people through friends, organically, through websites. But I think what the mistake that I made was that I was choosing the wrong people to pursue and because of that, that ended up wasting a lot of my 20s and even early 30s that ended up wasting a lot of my 20s and even early 30s.
Speaker 1:How does a wrong person look like?
Speaker 3:Like what makes them wrong for you? Well, I think that you have to. It comes a point where you have to take responsibility. Right, I can, you know, say, oh, they were bad people, this and that. But when, now that I'm much older, I realized that, you know, I had to do the inner work, which I didn't do, you know. Yes, I wanted to get married. Yes, I wanted to have kids, yes, I wanted to make my family happy and, you know, be that good Muslim woman. But unfortunately that didn't happen because I started choosing men that were not right for me and what ended up happening was that I kept repeating the same mistake over and over again. It was like I was talking to the same man, but with a different name, in a different body, and now that I look back, it's like why would I do that? But it's, it's much deeper than that and I've realized that I needed to do the inner work.
Speaker 3:There was a lot of trauma, I think, that I went through in the past. There was a lot of, you know, I think I struggled with my self esteem. I feel like girls. I think I struggled with my self-esteem. I feel like girls, especially in the South Asian culture. They're really like, criticized Like I remember as a child I had relatives say, oh you're chubby, oh your teeth are crooked, oh your nose is too wide, so that those things are very hurtful and they really affect you.
Speaker 3:And then, deep down, like you feel like you're not good enough and you feel like you know that maybe I don't really deserve love. And then that's what was happening was that I was struggling with low self-esteem in my teens and my twenties and I didn't know who I was as a person. And then I think those men saw that they saw that I was a weak person, because a lot of those men they ended up, some of them were quite abusive verbally, emotionally, in some case even physically. So you know, going through that and it's like why would you keep finding the same type of man over and over again? And it really goes back to not being healed, not dealing with the trauma, not dealing with your past, your self-esteem, your self-worth, not having respect for yourself. And that's what ended up happening.
Speaker 2:So did you get to a point where you felt like I need to take a break, I need to put this on pause and just work on these things, because I mean, you mentioned that you just kept attracting the wrong people over and over again, right?
Speaker 3:So, but that's the thing. It took many, many years, so it happened. I would say in my situation, I would say maybe the last five, six years, I've kind of came to that conclusion that I really need to stop and I really need to work on myself and I need to fix myself inside and feel good about myself, build my self-esteem and build my confidence and feel good about who I am as a person. And until I don't do that, I'm going to keep repeating the same pattern over and over again. Yeah, you can blame the men, but, like I said, it comes to a point where I was choosing these men and I have to take responsibility. That you know what I put myself in those situations.
Speaker 3:And in some of those situations, like it would be like seeing the, the abuse or the bad behavior, I still chose to pursue those men, which is wild.
Speaker 3:It's like I would never do that now, like as soon as I see any kind of inappropriate behavior, now, like I'm much older, I just cut people off and I just don't even entertain that. But back then I don't know why I was so I felt like I had this pressure to get married and I felt like it was the right thing to do. And then I just wanted to make it work with anybody. And when I did that it just ended up hurting me more and more. And then I feel like, because of that, now I'm the age I am at and now I'm single, because I kind of wasted my time with the wrong people. And, like I said, it's not like I didn't know At that time I did what I felt was right and best for me. Like I said, the intention was good, it was pure, but the approach was not right was good, it was pure, but the approach was not right.
Speaker 1:Well, I personally can very much relate to what you're saying. Before Zaid and I got married, I was engaged and my decision to get engaged to this guy was because I felt the pressure I need to get married. I'm getting older and I'll just settle for anyone, and it turned out to be the wrong guy for me. So I can very much relate to what you're saying. It takes a great amount of courage to become and share your story with other people. So thank you for choosing to be courageous.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think more women need to talk about that, Because I feel like a lot of times women are blamed, Like to this day, people blame me. They're like why are you still single? Why are you not married? But people don't understand that, while you know, you don't know my journey, you don't know my story, you don't know how I felt, what I went through, why I made the decisions I made and the choices I made.
Speaker 3:It wasn't that, you know, I'm a bad person or you know, like people just label people right. They'll, you know, extended family will say like, oh, you know, maybe question my character, question me as a Muslim, but you know what? I know that whatever I did, I did at that time because I really did think that those people were the right people for me and I really did think that if I kept, you know, pursuing them that maybe they will change, Maybe they will give me that happily, ever after, that I want, Maybe I will get married to one of them. But in the end I just ended up getting even more hurt and then what ended up happening is that when you go through multiple experiences like that, then you end up getting this emotional baggage and then you're taking it on to the next person. And then I also realized that, okay, wait, I need to also deal with that so that I don't keep choosing the same person over and over again. Who is hurting me. Can you give?
Speaker 2:an example of one of these bad situations, anything you feel comfortable sharing of where you were just attracting the wrong guy, or something that just didn't work out for you.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So, for example, one man in particular like I wasted, like you know, over like two years and it was, you know he kept saying, yeah, we're going to get married, yeah, we're going to get married, but I think I should have, like, after the six month mark, I should have like cut it off, you know, like if somebody is not bringing their family over, they're not, you know, talking about future plans, then you just got to cut it. Talking about future plans, then you just got to cut it. And and this person was also verbally, emotionally abusive and even some physical in the end.
Speaker 3:And I continued to pursue this person because I thought, like he's educated, he comes from a really good family. You know his family's well to do-do, they're well-respected in the community, he himself is well-to-do and established and he's well-spoken. Like you would never even think, like if you saw this man, that he was the way he was. And it's just crazy that I just kept thinking and hoping that things will get better and when we get married I'll have that happily ever after. But then I realized, you know, after a few years passed, that this man is never going to marry me. This man is wasting my time and I need to walk away from this and I did that and I'm proud that I did that.
Speaker 2:If you're overwhelmed and burdened and just don't know where to seek help, let us help you. We can be your personal matchmakers. Visit us at halalmatchca and book a free call with us.
Speaker 3:I took some time, you know, for myself, but then it's like, like I said earlier, the patterns kept repeating. Even though I was in that situation, I just found somebody even worse than that. It's like how do you go from worse to worse to worse? And then, in this situation, I think what ended up happening was, you know, sadly, my middle sister. She passed away and that was very, very difficult. So I would say that time that happened, that was around 2015. It was very unexpected and sudden news that she passed away. She was not sick or anything and to this day, we don't know what happened to her.
Speaker 3:So, you know, processing that pain and going through that, I kind of went back to what I knew and I'm not making excuses. Instead of, you know, bettering myself and finding a better person, a healthier person, I went back to the people that I shouldn't have talked to, and you know the person I mentioned that was one of them. Then I met another person and that person I wasted some more time with and it was because it was comfortable. It was what I knew. That's why I went back to those people, because it made me feel safe that I knew better what I knew right, because the unknown is scary and uncomfortable and a lot of times it's hard to put yourself out there and take risks and try new things and meet new people. And again, you know it's not an excuse, for you know dealing with my grief that way, but I felt safe and comfortable with those people, even though they were not safe and comfortable. Now that I look back right, they were actually hurting me and making me anxious and I was always upset and I was always, you know, on the edge. But that's what I went back to.
Speaker 3:And then it was only during the pandemic. That's when I stopped and that's when I realized you know what. Something's got to change and I really started learning my religion better and, you know, I started listening to more Islamic lectures Omar Suleiman, for example, noman Ali Khan, like people like that really started making me think about just the way I was living my life. And then I knew that I had to change myself. In order to be the best version of myself, as a better Muslim, a better teacher, a better daughter, a better future spouse. I have to work on myself, and so that's what I've been doing the last few years is bettering myself and, alhamdulillah, I'm in a very good place now. And now I feel like, yeah, now I can be that healthy, whole partner. Instead of having people complete me, I'm complete myself, and it took a while to get there longer, longer than most people but I'm happy and I think now I can attract the right person.
Speaker 2:Inshallah. Wow, you shared so much right now, but I wanted to go back to the example you gave and how you noticed red flags. I think you said about six months in, and I feel like this is something that a lot of people can resonate with, where they're ignoring red flags with the hope of something better, right, and they just keep going and keep going. So if there's some advice you would give to somebody who might be in a similar situation and say you know certain red flags to look out, for what would that be?
Speaker 3:So I would say that if someone has anger issues I mean we all get angry, right, it's a natural emotion and you know it's okay to get angry. But I think when it becomes to a point, it's over little things. And when somebody starts yelling at you, calling you names, swearing at you, insulting you, that's where it should be. No, like you, you don't apologize. You don't let that person apologize. You just need to cut that person off, like there's no excuses for anybody speaking to you that way, like there's no excuses for anybody speaking to you that way.
Speaker 3:And also I would say the other thing is, if somebody is not making a commitment to you, like, yeah, like the first few months, I get it, you're getting to know people, you don't want to get divorced, you want to make sure you know the person and in our religion you can't live with the person, right, so it makes it challenging.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, you can spend a few months, but then I think you have to come to a point where I would say that five to six months at least, at least for me and if the person is not making a commitment, then you have to wonder what am I doing here? A commitment, then you have to wonder what am I doing here? Right, because studies. I read a study that said that most people, like most dating relationships, fail between three to five months. So it based on that, I think that you should probably get to know someone at least three to five months before you get married, even though we're Muslim muslim, yes, like we can't date for long periods of time. And when I say date, I'm not saying as in, like where you're living with somebody or you're doing uh and halal.
Speaker 3:Yes, you're not doing haram things. I'm saying you're meeting them. Maybe like some people if they're lucky they can, can maybe bring their brother or friend or whoever right, and you go out in group settings Some people may not have that and at least meet the person in a public place, right, like don't go to their house, don't go out alone with them, like in places that you shouldn't be right. So I think that makes it challenging that in our religion we don't get to travel with people, we don't get to live with people. So I really do think that people really need to take their time. I'm not saying you should take like three, four, five years or years and years, but a reasonable amount of time, like a few months at least. And I think that three to five months you really do get to see people's true colors and you'll see whether or not someone gets angry, how they treat other people. You'll see all those nuances that you may not see in the first, maybe one or two months.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's a pretty good advice. So you took some time, you did some self-healing, learned about, learned more about the dean, and you're in a better place right now. After that, how did your journey look like afterwards?
Speaker 3:so then I tried obviously uh, seeking like matchmakers like you. For example, there's other Muslim matrimonial services. I've reached out to them so they've tried to find matches that way. I've also gone on the apps. The apps are a bit challenging. As well as going to matrimonial events in the city, in Toronto, there's a lot of events always happening right, Whether it's like through a big organization or whether it's through somebody small, so there's always opportunities to meet people. So those are some of the things I've been doing to meet my other half.
Speaker 1:And what are you seeing?
Speaker 3:to meet my other half and what are you seeing? Well, I mean, the reality is it's tough, and especially when you're over a particular age, right, once you're over 30 plus, especially for women, it gets very challenging, right. Unfortunately, a lot of men in our community, even though they might be in their 30s and 40s, they still want women who are in their 20s or even early 30s. That would be their the most, that they would want to see, right, like they don't want to go for women who are in their 40s or late 30s, and it shouldn't be that way. And I get it like people want to have children and people are worried about that. But with now, with technology and science, that shouldn't be really a concern. You should really focus on the person and see whether you're compatible in terms of goals and values and beliefs and how you get along right, and it shouldn't be about age. But unfortunately in our community, ageism is a huge, huge issue and I see that with a lot of the matchmakers right, like they'll post profiles but then the man might be 40, but then he's looking for somebody who's under 32, right, so that makes it really challenging.
Speaker 3:So that is a big challenge, I think also the matrimonial events.
Speaker 3:They're challenging as well and I know in one of your podcasts you talked about how a lot of times people will go to those events because they've exhausted every avenue. And it's like really feeling that desperation and like I don't want to make it seem like only desperate people go to matrimonial events, but it's. It is a great opportunity to meet people and there are, I'm sure, some people who found their matches. But from my experience, what I found was like, unfortunately, there's always way too many women, not enough men, especially not enough older men and the older men. A lot of them are, you know, divorced, they may have multiple children, they haven't kept themselves well, so you know, you may not be necessarily find that chemistry and compatibility with them. And it's not being mean or anything like that. I mean everyone has the right to go to these events, but I think if you're looking for something very specific, it makes it challenging because anybody can show up and unfortunately, what I've seen is it's mostly women showing up to these events.
Speaker 1:And there's not a lot of vetting, if any, involved and I think a lot of times people are just window shopping, like you said the other day. So it's true that you see maybe a lot of people on the apps or in the events, but a lot of them are just window shopping. They're not serious and you end up wasting your time.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I found that too, even at the event. Some of the guys and one of them, it was crazy he's like I'm just here because my friend wanted me to come. I just drove him here. So I'm like, then why did you come inside? He's like because my friend's here. I'm like okay. And he's like, yeah, I don't really need to come to these events, I can just meet girls in the club. I'm like, okay, all right, you're at a Muslim matrimonial event. You're telling me you meet, you can meet girls in the club. So, yeah, so you know, people like that.
Speaker 3:And and then there was this other man and he's like, yeah, I really don't want to get married. And I'm like, why are you here? Then? Like, why, oh, you're wasting people's time Just sticking out girls, I guess, exactly right. Like that's what I felt. Like a lot of these events were, especially the events from this app, which I'm not going to say their name, but they've been doing a lot of big events in different cities and you know, everybody is like, oh, wow, they're doing this event and there's going to be so many people. Yeah, the place was rammed with people, but not everybody was looking for marriage and not everybody was interested up to par in terms of standards. Right Like they maybe need to work on themselves before they come to these events.
Speaker 2:Also to add to that, I'm assuming that a lot of these matrimonial events are just modeling speed dating right.
Speaker 3:Yes, that's right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's a huge problem too, because it just becomes a big fish market. So, like Kiba just said, there's no vetting, no screening happening. Everybody just rammed into a room, so anybody listening. If you are seeking a spouse and you are looking for matrimonial events, try to find ones where there is a balanced ratio, where there is some degree of screening happening for these events and uh, and hopefully you'll find, um, maybe a higher degree of success at one of these events yeah, definitely.
Speaker 3:I think that there needs to be a process and the ratio is like a huge problem at these events. There's way too many women, not enough men, and then you're feeling like you're on an episode of the bachelor, you know, and, and, and there might be one or two guys who might be like in real life they're okay, but like everybody's like going towards them and there's like a lineup of women trying to talk to these men, which is insane, and but that's just how the nature of the events become, because of the lack of vetting process, as well as not putting the effort in making sure there's an equal ratio of men and women.
Speaker 1:What would you say to a girl in her mid-20s, maybe early 30s, who's maybe not very serious right now.
Speaker 3:I would say that if you really do want to get married and have children, that you should start in your 20s, even your early 20s, even if you're in school. I think it's a great time to meet people. Obviously, if you don't know yourself and if you've gone through trauma or any other experiences, perhaps maybe you need to work on your healing. First, I encourage people to talk to somebody, whether it's at your mosque, a therapist, coaching teacher, professor, whoever right A close friend, just making sure that you know who you are, making sure that you know what you want in life. And you always both of you actually talk about this a lot, that a lot of people don't know what they're looking for.
Speaker 3:They'll say they want to get married, but they don't know what does that mean? Who should I marry? Who will be compatible with me? So you got to know what you like, what you don't like, who you are as a person, what your values and beliefs are, and if you're not there, then I don't think you should get married. It doesn't matter if you're 20 or 40. You need to know who you are as a person and you really need to have confidence and a good self-esteem, Because if you don't have that like in my journey right in my earlier years then you are going to attract the wrong people, you are going to be in unhealthy situations, you are going to end up wasting your time, you are going to end up getting hurt and you're going to repeat that pattern over and over again. So in order to prevent that, it's really important that people really take the time to reflect on themselves and make sure that they're feeling good about who they are and they know who they are, so then they can find the right person.
Speaker 1:Perfect advice, hey. If you have a story to tell, we'd love to have you on here. You'll find a safe space of listeners who can understand what you're going through. Just shoot us an email with a summary of your story at info at halalmatchca. Has your criteria changed since you started till now? Has?
Speaker 3:my criteria changed. Yeah, I think it has changed. I think before I didn't put so much value on religion, not to say that I didn't want to marry a Muslim, I wanted to marry a Muslim man but I think what was happening was I wasn't. I was just like, okay, as long as the guy looks good and has a good job, that's enough. But that's not enough, right. You need to have the whole package right, like somebody who is a practicing Muslim, because I'm practicing. So I want someone who's practicing and it's important. I want someone who's healthy, who knows who he is as a man. He has values and goals, he's ambitious, so you know, all of those things are important. And he wants a family right. Family is important.
Speaker 3:Like you don't want to be with somebody who, just, you know, works 24 seven and is never home, like those things are important, yeah, but you also need somebody who cares about you and respects you. Because I think, from my experience, right, that was some of the things that were missing with all these men. They were not caring, they were not respectful, they were not responsible, not respectful, they were not responsible, and I don't want to go through that again and I feel that everybody should find somebody who respects you and who truly, genuinely loves and cares about you and supports you and is a true partner and a best friend. If you can't find that, then don't get married. It's better to stay single and we see so many people just rushing into situations just to get married for the sake of getting married and then a couple of months later they're divorced or, even worse, they stick it out and then they're miserable, right.
Speaker 1:Desperation should never be a reason to get married Makes you do wrong decisions.
Speaker 3:Right, and you definitely see that on the apps. Right, like a lot of people are just swiping left and right and they'll just match with anybody and they just right away you, they don't even know you and and they'll be like, hey, do you want to meet?
Speaker 3:it's like okay uh, it's been like we said two sentences to each other, right, like, let's slow down, let's kind of get to know each other and make sure that we're compatible first. Right, and speaking of apps, right Like, apps are very, very challenging. I don't think the challenge gets any different whether you're 20 or whether you're 30 or 40. The apps can be very challenging, right Like people ghost, people don't respond, people don't put effort. There's a lot of married men and women on there. People lie about their intentions. So you know, you gotta again.
Speaker 3:That goes back to knowing who you are as a person, so that you know, like if something doesn't feel right or look right or sound right, you can just be like you know what. I'm sorry, sorry, this isn't a good fit. Good luck, goodbye, rather than wasting your time and hoping that the match is the one. So I think that that definitely has changed for me. Like, if I see any inappropriate behavior, any inappropriate comments, or if I see a lack of effort, and especially people who ghost, like if they ghost, then I just unmatch them, I don't message them. In the past, like you know, I would be very adamant to try to make things work with people, even though it wasn't working. Now it's like as soon as I see any red flags or I see problematic behavior, I'm like you know what that's it, and I think that kind of goes back to what I was saying earlier. Right, connecting to my fate really helped me because now I understand as a Muslim, that everything is written right. Like, we can make dua, we can put our effort, we can try right, which I'm doing, which I'm doing, which I'm uh, I'm sure everybody's doing, whoever is looking into marriage or wants to get married. But you, you have this satisfaction knowing that, even if I don't get married, I know that it's because it was allah's will. When you go, when you think about what is islam right, islam is submitting to all Allah's will. When you think about what is Islam right, islam is submitting to Allah's will. And the part of that might be that maybe marriage is not written for you. I'm not saying that for me or for other people, but I'm just saying that it kind of gives you that comfort that you know what, like, even if I don't get what I wanted in this life, inshallah I will get it in the afterlife.
Speaker 3:And having that belief, oh my gosh, that makes you. It makes life so much easier. You don't feel depressed, you don't feel like my life is over just because I didn't get married, just because I didn't have kids. You know that. You know what this is a temporary moment. This is a temporary part of your journey in life. You know what. You know that you know what this is a temporary moment. This is a temporary part of your journey in life. You know what you'll get through it, even if you haven't met the right person in this life. Inshallah, allah will. He has made that promise that in the afterlife you will get those things that you did not get in this life.
Speaker 1:I'm so happy you brought this up because, just going back to our faith, it's like the answer is always there. So everyone gets tested in a different way. Some people get tested with marriage, where they end up with an abusive person or abusive children. Some get tested by not getting married. Some get tested with I don't know illness or passing of somebody. So, like you said, at least you know that you tried and the result is from Allah. Right, that's all we can do.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and that is what gives me comfort, right, and that's what keeps me sane and keeps me going. I know that one day that will happen for me and, like I said, even if it doesn't happen for me, I know that I did my part. I made the duas. I, you know, seeked out the matchmakers, the events, whatever, whatever avenue. I tried. I tried, even in my younger years when I made those mistakes, I know that the intention was pure, it was a good intention, but it was just the wrong approach and the wrong people.
Speaker 3:So, moving forward, I think I want people to take away is that don't give up, don't lose hope, like there's a lot of people who you know, you see online, saying that they feel hopeless and they're so frustrated they can't find the right match. Everybody else is getting married and having kids and they feel so alone. You're never alone. You have Allah and you should be grateful for all the blessings you have, and especially in this part of the world, if you're living alone. You have Allah and you should be grateful for all the blessings you have, and especially in this part of the world, if you're living in North America. We're so lucky. We, most of us have like a home, we have food, we have jobs, we have family and friends. Our life is full. Yeah, it may not be exactly what you pictured it, but you know what? It's better than a lot of people right now.
Speaker 1:Nida, you want to share?
Speaker 3:anything before we say goodbye. Yeah, like I said, you know to never give up on yourself. Keep going, keep trying, seek out different avenues. I think that's something important and I always tell that to everybody. Like, if you have a matchmaker, great, but don't just stick to one matchmaker, right 100%, you know. Find other matchmakers, even the apps. Yes, there's a lot of negative experiences on the apps, but there have been people who have met someone from the apps and. But there have been people who have met someone from the apps and gotten married right.
Speaker 3:So it shouldn't be something you rule out. You should still go on. The apps obviously filter people out. Have better judgment, you know. Take your time to get to know people, but still continue to be on the apps. Go to events, even though, yes, it could be a hit and a miss at times, but you never know right, maybe you just need that one person to show up to the event and they might be that person for you. So keep trying, keep praying and always remember to be the best version of yourself. Work on yourself continuously, continue to learn, continue to better yourself and, inshallah, the right things will happen for you.
Speaker 1:I think that's the best way to end it with the best advice ever to better yourself. Nida, thank you so, so much for coming on the podcast sharing your story. I'm sure a lot of people, especially women, resonated with what you said and I hope your story inspired a lot of people, especially women, resonated with what you said and I hope your story inspired a lot of people. Inshallah, yeah, Till next episode.
Speaker 2:Until next time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, assalamu alaikum.