Diary of a Matchmaker
Getting married is tough for the vast majority of Muslims in the West. We know because we’ve been there. My (Zaid) journey spanned nearly nine years. It was filled with rejections and self-doubt. While I (Hiba) didn't know there was a journey to be on in the first place. After we got married we decided to create something different to help single Muslims complete their deen. And so our matchmaking service Halal Match was born.
After a few years of interviewing singles, a friend suggested we journal our stories. We tweaked that idea and turned it into a podcast. In ‘Diary of a Matchmaker’ we’ll take you through this unfamiliar world of matchmaking. We’ll share our stories, experiences, and much more. So say Bismillah and tune in.
Do you have a story to share? Email us at: info@halalmatch.ca
Diary of a Matchmaker
Behind the Scenes: How We Turn Profiles Into Matches
In this episode, we take you behind the scenes of our matchmaking process, revealing the immense effort and dedication we pour into finding meaningful, compatible matches for single Muslims. From in-depth discovery calls and personalized assessments to carefully planned double dates, we share how our hands-on, halal approach goes above and beyond to help our clients on their journey to marriage.
Ready to take that first step? Visit our website to learn more: https://halalmatch.ca/
Assalamu alaikum, I'm Hiba. And I'm Zaid, you're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.
Speaker 2:A podcast that will take you into our world as matchmakers.
Speaker 1:We'll share our experiences and offer advice for the single Muslim.
Speaker 2:So let's dive in Bismillah.
Speaker 1:Assalamu alaikum, brother Zaid, can Halal Match help me find a spouse?
Speaker 2:Wa alaikum salam, sister. Well, that depends. Tell me a little bit about yourself.
Speaker 1:So I'm an engineer, my father is a doctor. We come from a Sayyid family, of course, and we only eat halal.
Speaker 2:Really Okay. All right, how about we start with what you're looking for in a spouse?
Speaker 1:I don't know. I guess just a good Muslimlim who doesn't drink something like that that's it, okay.
Speaker 2:Um, all right, uh, I guess we'll get back to you then. Assalamu alaikum, everyone. Welcome to another episode. My name is zaid and on the other mic is my wife and co-host, hiba.
Speaker 1:Assalamu alaikum. What a break.
Speaker 2:So I hope you guys enjoyed that skit.
Speaker 2:That skit is a small sample of what we experience sometimes in our discovery calls.
Speaker 2:Sometimes in our discovery calls We've seen so many different things, from people opening up their hearts and sometimes crying on the calls to having a very clear sense of what they're looking for in a potential spouse. And sometimes people are just starting their journey and they need some help trying to figure out who they might be compatible with. So in this call oh sorry, in this episode we'll be doing a deep dive, inshallah, of how our process works, how dedicated we are to our clients and how truly and not saying this to brag, but we truly do go above and beyond for our clients. So let's start with the discovery call stage. The purpose of the discovery call is just to introduce ourselves, to get to know the client and make sure that we are somebody that they feel comfortable working with, that we are somebody that they feel that they can trust, somebody that they can work with on a long term basis. That's more for us to see, because we know this is going to take some time.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So we want to make sure that this person has a degree of patience, has a commitment to the, to the process, because it can take anywhere from a few weeks to up to a year, right, uh, what else are we looking for in this call?
Speaker 1:uh, so we want to get to know the person we want to get to. We want to see if they have some sense of clarity about what they're looking for, if they've done some self-work, maybe reflected. Um, we want to learn about their journey. When have they started? What have they tried? How have how has the journey been like? And, um, yeah, we ask them specific questions to see, like, for example, how involved their parents would be in the process right if they just move to the country.
Speaker 2:How long have they been in the country for? Have they settled into the country? Because those things are important, because sometimes a person just moving into the country needs some time to adjust to the new culture, to a new environment before they can immediately start searching for a spouse.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Then of course we ask them what they're looking for in a spouse. Searching for a spouse? Yeah, then of course we ask them what they're looking for in a spouse and most of the times we get general, generic answers, like a good practicing muslim, until we start asking more specific questions yeah, and the answers we get like they vary some and it's mostly girls, mashallah, who, taking the time to do the work, and they have a very clear idea about what they're looking for, about expectations, responsibilities, lifestyle, and sometimes it's similar to the skit you heard in the beginning where they have no clue about what they're looking for, and that's fine and with guys it's not that far off guys.
Speaker 2:Usually they say I want to practice, a Muslim girl, someone that wears hijab, someone who's mature, is looking to have children, somebody who's not too career-oriented. Because, let's be honest, some guys really just want somebody who's going to take care of the home Not that they're against a working woman, but a girl who's going to take care of the home not that they're against a working woman, but some but a girl who's going to prioritize the home. Yeah, um.
Speaker 1:So that is something important that guys are looking for and in the second part of the call we explain how our service works. Uh, we explain our expectations. What can a client expect from us? What we expect from a client, what else do we explain about the fees? Of course, yes, and you think that's it right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then after the call, Hiba and I talk it over, we review. Sometimes I have to go back and review the call and we make a decision as to whether or not we can move forward and help that client. And if that client wants to move forward with us, they receive two things. One is a contract that outlines everything that they can expect from us and what we're expecting from them, as well as a registration form. Now, if you're at Desi listening to this call, it's not a bio data. It's much better than a bio data.
Speaker 2:Much different, much different. It's very detailed. This registration form takes nearly an hour to complete. Now, on this registration form, it's essentially two parts. The first part is basically superficial stuff your age, your citizenship, are you a Canadian citizen? Are you a US citizen? Because that is important for some matches your ethnicity your height all of that stuff, and then the next step is what are your values, what are your goals, what are your religious expectations, what are your?
Speaker 2:We even ask a kind of a funny question about diet right um, like if you were to go to a grocery store and buy five things, what would they be? Because, you know, some girls and guys are looking for somebody who is mindful of, of their health, yeah, yeah, uh, your strength, three, three weaknesses or things you're working on improving.
Speaker 1:What challenges have you faced in your journey to marriage? These questions help us to understand this person, their personality and, yeah, it just forms a full picture. We also ask scenario based questions to see.
Speaker 2:So that's the next part I was going to get to scenario-based questions to see.
Speaker 1:So that's the next part. I was going to get to go ahead, uh, to learn more about their values, about their parents expectations from a spouse so let's give an example of a scenario-based question.
Speaker 2:What is one we ask?
Speaker 1:girls. Uh, we ask girls um, if my husband comes home from work one day and says I'm sick of my job, I want to quit and start my own business, what would I say? And um, most girls, as I can see they have a more cautious approach. Some will say I will support you. I will, um, I don't know, maybe work another job to help you achieve your dreams, or something I think I asked you this question when we were going through our courting phase right did you a similar question?
Speaker 2:yeah because, like, starting a business inside hustle was something that was on my mind.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um, so I'll pat myself on the back for that question I think you asked me um an interesting question, because you're still like interested in theater and pursuing an acting career, and you asked me if I'm open to like live a nomad lifestyle for a year where you can like go and like perform in different festivals and plays and stuff, remember?
Speaker 2:I think so like I kept pushing the boundaries to see like what you would not be okay with. Yeah, and you kept passing the test.
Speaker 1:I'll admit I'm like is this real or is this a trap? Is this a trap or is this?
Speaker 2:real.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was fun, it was fine you see, you can make the courting phase pretty fun and exciting. Doesn't have to be so boring exactly like.
Speaker 2:Scenario-based questions are endless. There's like so many different creative ways you you can make a scenario-based question. What on one we ask, guys? And?
Speaker 1:for guys. I think we mentioned this question before, but my wife says she wants to go back to school or focus on her career and she suggests hiring a nanny. So what would I say? We get answer from sure, yeah.
Speaker 2:One guy said hell no.
Speaker 1:One said hell no. One said yeah, bring the nanny, I'll marry the nanny.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I remember that one and another.
Speaker 1:like most of them say I would support you in your dreams or your ambitions.
Speaker 2:So if you're a girl listening, you know not all guys are against you going back to school there are very nice supportive understanding guys out there.
Speaker 1:Yes yeah, but most of them aren't very excited about the idea of hiring anani. They prefer like to just find a balance where they can help, their parents can help, which is very understandable yeah yeah, uh, so scenario-based questions. Then the second part of the form. We ask them about what they're looking for, what they find attractive, what they find unattractive, what Deal?
Speaker 2:breakers.
Speaker 1:Deal breakers, non-haram deal breakers, of course. Yeah, we also, of course, ask them about the you could say, the superficial questions like ethnicity preferences, age preferences, height, I guess all of these.
Speaker 2:Now, in all honesty, it's's. You know, sometimes people think we're just creating human beings, but of course we're not and, in all honesty, we don't always find somebody that checks all these boxes. There has to be some room of flexibility. And we do ask the our clients that is there flexibility on this one? Is this one a deal breaker? And uh, so we have to, you know, find when we do find somebody, we do understand that this, this person, might not match on this, but we'll reach out to the client, say, hey, are you okay with this? Is there flexibility on this? So there has to be some flexibility.
Speaker 1:Uh, when we um are working with and a lot of times actually, people put one thing on their form. But when we approach them and say that we found somebody really compatible in terms of personality and expectations, but they don't check this box and this box and we're surprised, they say, okay, let me learn more, Let me know more. One more important part of the registration form is pictures. We ask for a headshot and a body shot.
Speaker 2:This part does drive me nuts though. Yeah, it does, because we ask for a body shot, and sometimes they give a headshot. Like guys, body shot means we want to see you from head to toe.
Speaker 1:Okay, because it just gives an idea of your height, like your measurements, I guess.
Speaker 2:Yeah, your height. We just want to make sure you have all 10 toes and 10 fingers. But yeah, I mean, a potential client or a potential match wants to see you from head to toe. It's a reasonable expectation. So a headshot, a body shot, and something that's relatively new I think we edited just less than a year ago is the video introduction. This really gives a sense of life to the registration form yeah uh, where people can, can see, like you know.
Speaker 1:Oh, this person um is soft-spoken or they have a nice smile, they have a nice tone or a thick tone, or um yeah. So we ask for a one to two minute video introduction where they just talk about themselves, their interest, what they're looking for?
Speaker 2:just a very like, quick thing and it makes a huge difference yeah, and towards the end of the form. We do have some important questions. One important question we ask girls is is your Wally aware that you are using a matchmaker? What else do we ask towards?
Speaker 1:the end. Just, we want to make sure that it's the client themselves who are filling the form. Yes, not mom or dad.
Speaker 2:Exactly so. Once that's submitted, then the searching begins, and then that's the fun part.
Speaker 1:So we go through our database, we compare forms, read all the forms and just make sure that they are compatible on the surface level stuff and the deep level stuff.
Speaker 2:And the important thing to note is that it's all done by hand.
Speaker 1:It's all done manually.
Speaker 2:We have a system where Hiba reads the guy's form and I read the girl's form, because obviously I'm going to be reading the form thinking like a guy, you're going to be reading the form, thinking like a girl, so it only makes sense to do it that way. And we go through it line by line and say, okay, this person is this height, this person is okay with this, this person is okay with this, this person's not okay with this. There's a lot of compatibility here and their values and their interests sometimes we have to send questions and just ask for clarity.
Speaker 1:Oh, are you okay with this? What if? What if somebody is like this are you fine with that?
Speaker 2:so I hope you guys can see the amount of work we're putting into this right all the way from the beginning um to matching um.
Speaker 2:So if we feel that on paper it's a good match, then in most cases we'll reach out to the girl first, uh, and we'll say, hey, you know, we got somebody in mind for you. Uh, he's this age, works here, lives, lives. Here just some basic information that will interest them in scheduling a call, and the important thing to note is that we do not send the registration form via WhatsApp, email or anything.
Speaker 1:We don't even share the first or last name of the person in the email. Yes, once they come, hop on a call, we share the first name of the person. We a call, we share the first name of the person. We don't even share the second name yes, just the first name.
Speaker 2:So I read the form off to to the client on a video call not the entire form even, um well, just the important things and then we share the pictures. Well, actually, we share the video introduction and then we share the pictures so by sharing, we mean we share our screen.
Speaker 1:we don't, then we share the pictures. So by sharing, we mean we share our screen. We don't send any files, any pictures, any videos. It's all confidential. When we started the service, we we try to put ourselves in the shoes of somebody. Who's looking and what are their main concerns when someone's looking and they're hiring somebody? It's privacy. I don't want my information to just go around and then, three years later, maybe after I'm married, I discover that oh, somebody has my picture, somebody has my information. So privacy is a big, big big thing.
Speaker 2:we're like always working on, so we're very mindful of that, whether it's people approaching us at festivals or even on whatsapp groups, uh, people asking me oh, do you have somebody, um, or can you share pictures of any potential clients? And I say I'm sorry, I can't, um. So, yeah, we, we are very, very, very, very um mindful of that. Um. So, uh, if the girl says yes and says yes, um, I'd love to move forward, then the next step is, of course, introducing uh, that match to the guy and we go through the same process. Uh, we schedule a video call, we go through the registration form and then we share our screen, we share, we share the video introduction and pictures. And if the guy and the girl says yes, then actually the most fun we have is at the double dates, not the matching process, but it's the double dates actually meeting the clients and the activities.
Speaker 2:If you're overwhelmed and burdened and just don't know where to seek help, let us help you. We can be your personal matchmakers. Visit us at halalmatchca and book a free call with us. So the final step is the double date. So we have two double dates that we do. It's either in person or virtual, two types of double dates, and lately we've been moving more towards virtual double dates because of cost and convenience. But we've had a lot of fun in our in-person double dates.
Speaker 2:So, our go-to place is Ridgeway Plaza and the way the double date is structured is whether it's virtual or in-person is the first half hour is just icebreakbreakers with us. We want to make sure that our clients are comfortable, because it's obviously scary meeting a stranger for the first time for the purpose of marriage, so we sit with the clients at the same table. Um, we'll talk for a little bit. You know, order some drinks. Oh, by the way, food and drinks are included in these double dates if they are in person, of course, if they're of course um.
Speaker 2:So the first half hour are just icebreakers. We have fun games, we do uh, what do we do? Name a country, three truths and a lie um. What's another one? We?
Speaker 1:do. Yeah, I can't remember, but just something to get them comfortable and open up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so Hiba and I will team up and then the clients will have to team up and then they'll play against us, we'll play against them. So we make it fun and then once we feel that the clients are comfortable so it's a matter of us kind of assessing the vibe and the energy there and then we move to another table. But obviously we don't ever leave the restaurant. We're still there, we can still see the clients. They order food and we leave them with two activities to start off with, and they are activities from our e-book. Some of the activities just off the top of my head are Cairo time what's cooking? Cairo time is a fun game where you assess your individual habits and habits that you can tolerate and these activities, and then after an hour we check in with them, see how things are going, and then we give them another two activities.
Speaker 1:The activities provide them enough stuff with uh to carry them through the double date, so that they're not just like sitting there looking at each other's faces awkwardly and it's not just to like to carry the date, but also so they actually get to know each other, at least get to know each other enough to assess oh, do I have enough in common with this person to continue talking to them and exploring this or no?
Speaker 2:they are completely not my type and there's just no reason to keep this yeah, so the one thing I forgot to mention is that, even before we schedule a double date, we have a a coaching call which is very important.
Speaker 2:So the purpose of the coaching call is to get them mentally prepared for the double date what to expect, what questions to ask and also expectations. The most important thing is that we don't ever want clients thinking the expectation is you're going to say yes to marriage on a double date. That's unrealistic. Yes to marriage on a double date? That's unrealistic. But the purpose of the double date is that it lays a foundation of common interests, goals and values where you can say, okay, this person is somebody that's worth pursuing and worth looking into further, where you can walk away from the double date and say, okay, I think I want to assess compatibility further, maybe even involve my parents. So the mindset is already there once the clients are coming into the double date. So the double date itself goes about for about three hours and towards the last few minutes we'll sit with them, check in and see how things went.
Speaker 1:And if the double date is virtual, it follows the same structure, minus the food, of course.
Speaker 2:Yes, and they do get to sit in a virtual breakout room where they have some privacy, and of course we check it and that's it. And then, after the double date, we'll send them a feedback form and ask them if it's a yes on both ends. And if it is a yes, then our service ends at that point and we charge our final fee.
Speaker 1:We release contact information to each other. We encourage them to continue putting in the work getting to know each other involving their parents, and we wish them the best of luck.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We also forgot to mention one more thing At this point. We give them also something called Set for Success Package, and this package is the which we forgot to mention in the beginning. We give them a personality test to complete and the love language quiz as well to complete, so that when we match them, we can send these results to their match. They would receive the results of their match. So this way they are not starting from scratch. They know what they're working with. They know that these are the weaknesses, the strengths, the traits of the person I'm working with. This is his love language, so I can give them love in the way they love to receive it, they like to receive it. We also include in the sets for success package our ebook for free, where they have even more activities, more questions to help them assess compatibility at a deeper level and, inshallah, this way we hope that we are actually setting them for success in their new setting them up for success in their new relationship.
Speaker 2:And the next step is we sit and wait and hope to get a wedding invitation yeah, yeah, that's the most gratifying part that they pray for us, pray for our success, and that we get to sit at their wedding day and enjoy the fruits of our labor. So I hope you guys get to see that you know how invested we are in this work, how much we care about our clients and how seriously we take this work.
Speaker 1:So, even if you are not in Canada or the States or the UK, which where we mainly work with clients, what can you take from this episode? There are ways to assess compatibility in a fun and interactive way.
Speaker 2:In a halal way, in a halal way as well.
Speaker 1:There are great services out there, whether it's us, whether it's other matchmakers. Wherever you are, there are great services. There are people who are doing great job. It's just your job is to look for them. Take initiative, be proactive.
Speaker 2:We just hope that you guys take an active approach when it comes to marriage, whether it's, like Hiba said, seeking a matchmaker or matrimonial websites, because it is work. It does take time, but the more effort you put in, the more doors will open up for you. Yeah and um, and we wish you the best and then all right until next time then yeah.