Diary of a Matchmaker
Getting married is tough for the vast majority of Muslims in the West. We know because we’ve been there. My (Zaid) journey spanned nearly nine years. It was filled with rejections and self-doubt. While I (Hiba) didn't know there was a journey to be on in the first place. After we got married we decided to create something different to help single Muslims complete their deen. And so our matchmaking service Halal Match was born.
After a few years of interviewing singles, a friend suggested we journal our stories. We tweaked that idea and turned it into a podcast. In ‘Diary of a Matchmaker’ we’ll take you through this unfamiliar world of matchmaking. We’ll share our stories, experiences, and much more. So say Bismillah and tune in.
Do you have a story to share? Email us at: info@halalmatch.ca
Diary of a Matchmaker
Lessons From The Only Proposal In The Quran
Episode Description:
In this episode, we dive into the Quran’s only detailed proposal story—Prophet Musa (AS) and his journey from being a refugee to finding a wife. It’s a story filled with timeless lessons about character, divine timing, and how a simple act of kindness (like watering sheep!) can change your life. We loved reflecting on how this story connects to what we see in matchmaking today. Whether you’re single, married, or just curious, we break it all down with warmth and a light touch. After all, who doesn’t love a story that feels both ancient and surprisingly relatable?
Assalamu alaikum, I'm Hiba. And I'm Zaid, you're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.
Speaker 2:A podcast that will take you into our world as matchmakers.
Speaker 1:We'll share our experiences and offer advice for the single Muslim.
Speaker 2:So let's dive in. Bismillah, assalamu alaikum everyone. Welcome to another episode. My name is Zaid and on the other mic is my wife and co-host, hiba. Assalamu alaikum. So we got an interesting story to share with you guys.
Speaker 1:No, it's not one of our clients.
Speaker 2:It's not one of our clients, it's not something from our courting days or our single days, but, believe it or not, it's actually a story from the Quran and, as we were preparing for the episode and just reviewing the story and the ayat, it's amazing how much we were able to extract from these ayahs that relate to the work we're doing, and just has so many modern day lessons that we can take. So, without further ado, shall we just dive right into the story?
Speaker 1:Bismillah.
Speaker 2:Bismillah Okay.
Speaker 1:So this is the story of Prophet Musa, alayhi salam, and his marriage story, and it's actually the only proposal that's mentioned in the Quran in detail. So it must be for a good reason. I mean, it's not so. First of all, it's mentioned in Surah Al-Qasas, verses 23 to 28. And it's not just mentioned there because, like, surah Qasas talks about the story of Prophet Musa from the day he was born till very like late stage in his life. No, it's not just a part of that, but it has significance and that's why Allah mentioned it here.
Speaker 2:Before we get into the proposal part of the story what was happening in Prophet Musa's life at this stage in the surah?
Speaker 1:So at this stage, prophet Musa had fled from Egypt because he unintentionally killed a man. He was a refugee. He just arrived to a new land. He was a refugee. He knew nobody there, he didn't have any money, even though he grew up in Pharaoh's palace. He didn't have any authority, he was scared, he didn't have family with him. And that's the context.
Speaker 1:So the ayat starts by narrating that when Prophet Musa arrived to the land of Madian, which is modern day Saudi, he found a well and around this well were a group of people. They were watering their herds of animals and he saw two girls. They were just holding back their herds of animals standing, and he found that strange. He asked them what's the matter and they said we can't water our herds of animals until the rest of the shepherds are done and we have a very old father. Why did they say that? Because it's obvious that what was going through Prophet Musa's head? Why would the girls be doing the watering right, like it's usually a man's job? So, without them even asking him, he volunteered, he watered their animals and, without saying anything, he watered their animals and then he retreated to a shade. He sat there and he made dua to Allah. He said Allah, whatever provision you provide me, I'm in need for it right now. You could say I'm in desperate need. We said he's a refugee, he has no money.
Speaker 2:The specific words used in the Quran is من خير فقير ربي إني لما أنزلت إلي من خير فقير.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so after a while, one of those two girls came back and she told him our father, my father, is inviting you to reward you for the work you did for us. When Prophet Musa went and talked to the father and he told him all about his history, all about Pharaoh, how he fled from Egypt, all of that, the old man told him don't be afraid, you're safe here. Allah saved you from the wrongdoing people. So one of the girls suggested to her father saying yeah, abati. And yeah, abati is a term of endearment when you call your father, oh, dear father, which already implies that they had a good relationship, father and daughter, right?
Speaker 1:And she said oh, dear father, why don't you employ him? Hire him to water our animals, the best person you can hire, somebody who's strong and who's trustworthy. He was able to push his way through a crowd of people, water the animals, and she saw that he was trustworthy. He didn't ask for anything in exchange, he didn't start chatting with her, he just retreated to the shade, and that's actually a very good advice. If you're an employer, you're looking to hire somebody, look for someone who's strong and strong could mean physically strong to do physical labor, or somebody who's strong as in he has the knowledge that it takes to do the job Whether it's C++ programming, whether it's whatever it is and someone who's trustworthy. The father you could say out of the blue, but you're going to see that it's not out of the blue he told Musa alayhi salam, I want to marry one of my daughters to you in exchange for you working for me eight years Now. Did the father just decide this randomly? What do you think?
Speaker 1:uh, I don't know no, the father was apparently had a great communication with his daughter and he inferred from the suggestion of his daughter oh, daddy, hire him like he's inferred, that she was kind of telling him that she was interested, she was interested exactly.
Speaker 1:And, um, yeah, I wanted to marry one of my daughters to you in exchange for you working for me, uh, for eight years. If you would work for 10 years, then that's a favor from you, but you will, inshallah, find me a good, agreeable person. I don't intend to overwork you. Prophet musa said okay, this is an agreement between you and me. Whatever term I complete, this is up to me. Allah is the witness for this agreement between the two of us. Now that's the story, seems like. Okay, it's just a story in the quran, but believe us when we say the lessons are endless. Hey, if you have a story to tell, we'd love to have you on here. You'll find a safe space of listeners who can understand what you're going through. Just shoot us an email with a summary of your story at info at halalmatchca.
Speaker 2:There is a lot to unpack from these ayahs and so many lessons we can take.
Speaker 2:The first lesson that we want to highlight is the value of character and integrity, and it was because of his in musa alayhis salam's character and integrity that eventually got him married now bear in mind at this point, he wasn't even a prophet right and as guys, I feel like sometimes we undervalue something like everybody talks about character and integrity and and we just it's one of those things I feel like people just take for granted but we don't give it as much weight, or if not the most weight, uh, when compared to things like education and uh and career and financial stability yeah, especially parents like some of them.
Speaker 1:Alhamdulillah, they give the most weight to character and don't care as much for the education, the career, the income, because at the end of the day they know this person like should be trusted with their daughter and he's going to treat her well. But a lot of other people they. The first thing they ask about is how much you make and where your parents from, and character takes a backseat.
Speaker 2:Yeah to be honest, though, like I have to say that in my personal life, I found that to be the minority where parents value integrity and character more. That's just because I've had a rough journey trying to get married.
Speaker 2:So I haven't seen a lot of that personally trying to get married. So I haven't seen a lot of that personally. But, yeah, I mean, alhamdulillah, your parents were an exception. Um, you know, they didn't put so much weight on on money and and career and those things, um, so we don't want to say that it's all doom and gloom for you guys. Out there, there are some parents do that, do value those things and um, but the most important thing is that don't underestimate, uh, how much of a of a part that can play when when finding a compatible spouse yeah, selflessness, uh willing to help others some girls on the registration really highlight the value of community service
Speaker 2:exactly volunteering, volunteering yeah, yeah, so don't underestimate that it's very attractive for a girl, by the way exactly lesson number two the importance of divine timing and patience.
Speaker 2:so I've mentioned before that my journey spanned about nine years and um, and when my prayer was answered, it was a time that I didn't expect. It was a time where I felt like I was the at the end of the road and I was about to give up, but Allah blessed me. At a time when I think back, allah blessed me at a time that was right for me. So the important thing to know when looking at Musa's story is that, first and foremost, he was making dua to Allah and that when we are taking action, that we are also making dua and we are making sure that those two things that action and dua are always coupled together prophet musa alayhi salam, when he helped those two girls, he didn't expect that this simple act would get him married.
Speaker 1:And, by the way, he didn't just get married without even planning on it, but for 80 years now or 10, we don't know which term he served for that time. He was offered a place to stay, he was offered safety, he was a part of a family. He didn't have to worry about income and food. So, subhanallah, the way allah plans things. Like just a while ago we were talking and just reminiscing about our individual stories and like when you're in the middle of a moment, especially if it's a hard moment, you can't see past it and you can't understand why I'm going through this but, when you look back and you see how it's like pieces of puzzles, that allah was bringing them together for something to happen.
Speaker 1:Just one event leads to the other, to the next leads to the next, until you get to the point where you're supposed to be and I feel that's what happened in our, in our, case yeah, like sometimes the, the wisdom is apparent, and sometimes it's not, but but that's where faith comes in.
Speaker 2:Of course you understand that you can plan all you want, but Allah is the best of planners.
Speaker 1:I'm sure any of us, any of the listeners, if they look back they can see how events happen to lead them to a certain point. And it's not arbitrary, it's not random.
Speaker 2:So keep that faith strong and believing in Allah's destiny keep that strong, it will help you go through so much inshallah. The third lesson we can take from musa alayhi salam story is the importance of family and guardianship in marriage, and it's so beautiful the relationship the father had with his daughter yeah right where the daughter felt comfortable saying that you know she was interested in somebody.
Speaker 2:Now, of course she didn't overtly say that, um, but the relationship was strong enough where the father could infer from her statement yeah, she was interested yeah, it just shows to the strong community connection between them, and what we see today is um I'm looking for my daughter or sometimes you like, find people who are seeking marriage, or maybe they start a relationship and years go by and their parents are not aware, and when they bring it up to their parents they find resistance.
Speaker 1:Or maybe the parents are not on board and it just makes it more difficult so like.
Speaker 2:Our advice is involve your parents from the beginning yeah, that's what we say in our workshop too, that even before you start doing a self-assessment and you start figuring out your values and everything, the first step is talk to your parents. Make sure your parents are on board and that you guys are on the same page in terms of what your expectations are, your goals and things like that, and, inshallah, the road will get smoother from there yeah, a very beautiful story from one of our clients who, mashallah, got married at 19.
Speaker 1:She was very clear from the beginning on what she wanted and her father was on the call and, like she, was very open about what she was expecting, what she wanted, her plans for the future, and her father was on board. So it was so beautiful to see father and daughter having very comfortable relationship when it comes to marriage and yeah, and she was very young but very mature, very for her age, very mature, mashallah.
Speaker 1:Mashallah. So our advice to you is, like we said, if you're interested in marriage, before you start the search, start talking to your parents. Get their insight. Maybe they have some feedback, maybe they will tell you oh, first you need to work on this. Maybe you should perfect this before you start your search. And for the parents also, make that comfortable and make that accessible and have that relationship with your daughter or son, that they feel comfortable to come and talk to you instead of doing things behind your back uh, next important lesson is that, believe it or not, fathers can initiate the marriage process.
Speaker 1:Astaghfirullah.
Speaker 2:Now you were sharing something interesting about Arab culture.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wish we have this. It's mentioned in the Quran that we recite, and in Ramadan we recite it in Taraweeh, but then when it comes to application, no, it's a'ib, no no it's a'ib. First the girl feels embarrassed to even let her parents know that she's interested and she's looking right and then, even if the parents know, they feel no, it's a, we can't show interest, we can't like go and look for a spouse for our daughter. No, we have to wait until we get a proposal from a guy, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's absolutely like it has nothing to do with the deen. Like Khadija, she proposed to the Prophet when she saw what a good character he had, and she found a way to let him know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it doesn't take away from your hayat.
Speaker 1:It doesn't make you a bad Muslim Like we're not saying get on one knee and propose to him no, but you need to be proactive. If you're on a matrimonial website, you find somebody who has qualities that you're looking for in a spouse, reach out to him right. If you're in a masjid and you notice somebody, then find a way to let the guy know that you're interested, whether it's like maybe asking the imam about him. Maybe you see a guy in your MSA and you see what a good character he has and he's active and he's always praying on time and all of that. Find a way.
Speaker 2:Then, where there's a will, there's a way, there's a way, and yeah in. If you're overwhelmed and burdened and just don't know where to seek help, let us help you. We can be your personal matchmakers. Visit us at halalmatchca and book a free call with us. The one lesson that I really want to highlight on is a guy's history or circumstances do not define him. Now, here is Prophet Musa and, as you mentioned, he wasn't even a prophet yet. He was just a refugee, you know, helping some strangers with their cattle.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and, by the way, sorry to interrupt, but remember when he got to the well of Median he was running away from Egypt and he was in the desert. So you can imagine even how like his appearance looked right. In the desert, walking for miles upon miles upon miles.
Speaker 2:He was considered a criminal back in Egypt.
Speaker 1:But because the father recognized what a good character he was, he has. That's what was important to him.
Speaker 2:When I think back to my journey trying to get married, I recall a lot of situations where people would define me by my circumstances. At the time, I was living in my uncle's house, I didn't have permanent residence or citizenship in the country. I was still trying to sort out what my future career plans were. So there were all these factors that people used to define me right and make a determination about me as to whether or not I would be good enough to marry their daughter, and so obviously, this doesn't come anywhere close to being a refugee in a desert alone. There are still some lessons to take from this, which is that don't let a person's circumstances define them try to look beyond the try to look beyond the circumstances.
Speaker 1:Look for their integrity, look for their potential, look for what their strengths are because you know, even if you marry your daughter to a successful doctor who's making this much and he has his own house and all of that, you never know what the future holds. Maybe his circumstances will change in the future, maybe he will lose his job, he'll get in debt. You never know. So if he doesn't have a good character to begin with, then all that money and status isn't going to help in the future. But if somebody has a good character, then regardless of their circumstances, they're going to take care of your daughter. Now, parents are looking for the best interest of their daughters, of course, and of course we're not saying just marry your daughter to anyone, whether he has a house or he's homeless, anyone, whether he's like he has a house or he's homeless, whether he has a job, or just he's a bum sitting and right, we're never gonna suggest yeah, we're just saying that try to look beyond the circumstances.
Speaker 1:If you see a good character and an effort that this person is taking an effort to improve his circumstances, for sure, yeah, uh.
Speaker 2:And the last point I want to mention is never, whether you're a girl or a guy, never allow your pride or ego to get in the way of a good proposal. You never know where a good proposal may come from, and that works both ways. What I mean by that is you know, for example, in Musa alayhi salam story, it could have been. He could have easily thought that this proposal or this family is too good for me. Who am I? Right? I'm just a poor destitute man. I'm a refugee. I'm this, this, this and this. I'm not good enough for marriage, right. And or the other way around, where you know you could be xyz, you could be super successful, and you think you deserve someone better, yeah, so look beyond the superficial things you'll never know if you don't try right so always take initiative.
Speaker 1:People might surprise you yeah, and, yeah, oh.
Speaker 2:And one more thing the meher itself oh yeah, yes you can't overlook that. I mean, father didn't say come with a ferrari, a mansion and an xyz, yeah, because at their time they had ferrari and lamborghinis.
Speaker 2:You get my point, yeah um, because he understood the circumstances that he was in. So he said you simply just have to work for me for eight years or ten and um, and that would be sufficient as a matter. So take into consideration the circumstances of the guy that you're marrying. You know, if he's a teacher, don't expect like a $100,000 mahr. I mean, be understanding of his circumstances and just remember the mahr is not to be a burden and it's supposed to be a gift.
Speaker 1:And if your father-in-law, or your future father-in-law, offers you a job or offers you some help, don't be like no, no, no, no, no. I can't accept it.
Speaker 2:It's an opportunity.
Speaker 1:It's like Allah is giving you a rope, an opportunity. So don't do like. What do you call it Like? No, I'm above that, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, In Urdu we call it takalluf.
Speaker 1:That's actually from Arabic.
Speaker 2:Oh, no, or do we call it takalluf? That's actually from Arabic. Oh, no, arabic talking from Urdu. You guys stole our whole language.
Speaker 1:But honestly, there's so many more lessons to take from this story. It's a beautiful story and the purpose of this episode is just to share something that Allah mentioned for us that's going to stay here till the end of the day. It's a story to be recited and reflected on, and for us to take lessons and apply them and not just to recite in this beautiful melodic sound with the Ahkam Tajweed. There is nothing like divine advice, I guess.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We hope you guys enjoyed this episode and stay tuned for next episode We'll be discussing the topic of soul mates and the concept of soul mates in Islam. If you have any questions about this topic or things you want us to discuss, just reach out through email or social media and let us know your questions and we'll discuss them next episode.
Speaker 2:inshallah until next time, salam alaikum.