Diary of a Matchmaker

Forget Small Talk: Try This Instead!

• Halal Match • Episode 59

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Let’s be honest, courting can feel like a weird mix of awkward silences and overly intense “So, where do you see yourself in five years?” vibes. Today, we're sharing a better way: playful, thought-provoking activities designed to spark real connection without killing the vibe.

These aren’t your typical icebreakers. One minute you’re ranking your top values, the next you’re arguing (respectfully!) over whether a $3,000 mattress is worth the splurge. And in the process, you’re learning how someone thinks, what they prioritize, and how they deal with pressure or disagreement.

The best part? You might learn a few things about yourself too. Because compatibility isn’t just about knowing the other person, it’s also about understanding what matters to you.

So if you’re navigating the courting world and want less awkwardness, more depth, and maybe a few laughs along the way, this episode’s for you.

Curious to try these games yourself? The Compatibility Challenge lives here: Amazon or halalmatch.ca.

Got a dilemma or story? The Single Muslim Hotline is here for you! We’ll play your anonymous messages in future episodes and offer real talk. Drop us a voice note 👇🏻
https://www.speakpipe.com/DiaryOfAMatchmaker

Speaker 1:

I've been talking to someone for nearly a month now. Conversations are flowing, we have the same interests and we even love humanitarian work. We're inching closer towards an engagement and there are certain topics I want to bring up, but I'm not sure how Prenups in-laws lifestyle expectations. I don't know what to do.

Speaker 2:

Assalamu alaikum, I'm Hiba.

Speaker 1:

And I'm Zaid.

Speaker 2:

You're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.

Speaker 1:

A podcast that will take you into our world as matchmakers.

Speaker 2:

We'll share our experiences and offer advice for the single Muslim.

Speaker 1:

So let's dive in. Bismillah, as-salamu alaykum everyone. Welcome to another episode. My name is Zaid and on the other mic is my wife and co-host Hiba.

Speaker 2:

As-salamu alaykum.

Speaker 1:

So people naturally get stuck at some point when they're trying to assess compatibility.

Speaker 2:

We all do. We all do, although we didn't.

Speaker 1:

I feel like there was always a healthy flow of conversations. I came ready with my arsenal of questions, you would fire back at me, after I would fire at you, and there was fun and excitement, because you're always wondering, okay, what's his next question?

Speaker 2:

And Sounds bloody yeah.

Speaker 1:

But we had a fun time yeah. However, not everybody has the same luxury, unfortunately, so let's talk a little bit about what we did to help diffuse this awkwardness with our clients.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, exactly so when we were planning and building our service, we're like, okay, we and this is our previous service model, where we used to match people, take them out for dinner and sit with them for three hours move to another table. And then we're like, okay, what's going to happen next? Are they going to end up looking at each other for three hours, move to another table? And then we're like, okay, what's going to happen next? Are they going to end up looking at each other for three hours? Are they going to end up talking about the weather and the food and their favorite show?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, our first double date was a bit stressful. Because, it was like, hey, our first double date. We're going to pamper the hell out of our clients. We're going to treat them out. We had the restaurant figured out and that was all the easy part, but planning, uh, the activities for those three hours, that was hard, yeah uh, but alhamdulillah we, we banged our heads together and we came up with some fun activities and we got wonderful feedback yeah, after a few of these we're like, okay, we have something good here.

Speaker 1:

Something valuable that people can use.

Speaker 2:

It's a good tool. Why don't we find a way where more people can benefit from it, people who are not our clients? So, alhamdulillah, we ended up expanding on these activities and putting them together in a compatibility challenge. We made it into a challenge.

Speaker 1:

And this episode.

Speaker 2:

inshallah, we're going to dive into it a little bit and give you guys some tools. If we're going to dive into it a little bit and give you guys some tools, If you're talking to someone, how to assess compatibility in a way that's not interrogation-like, that's not FBI-like, and that's actually fun.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Okay, shall we dive into the first activity.

Speaker 1:

I really like this one and the way this game is designed is that you have a list of categories. There are 10 categories in this game is designed is that you have a list of categories. There are 10 categories in this game and within each category there are characteristics or qualities that make up that category, and your job as the player is to rank those characteristics from most important to least important. So let's pick one and demonstrate really quick, let's go with spouse.

Speaker 1:

Okay. So with spouse, the characteristics are honesty, security, patience and accountability. What is most important to you in this?

Speaker 2:

one. What's more important to me, I would say my answer, my answer before getting married, would have looked very different from what it is now, and it just goes to show that marriage teaches us about ourselves.

Speaker 1:

And like we grow so much from marriage, uh so, like with me, for example, I realized I require a lot of patience yeah, me too, by the way no, I require more. No, I require more. Okay, fine, we can compete all day about who needs more.

Speaker 2:

No, you know what I think every married couple yeah they would say the same thing because, like, you're married to this person, you live with them, you I don't know you share a closet, you, yeah, like you share a washroom, you share whatever, like, yeah. It's not easy, especially if somebody never had a like a roommate or like had a close relationship with a brother or sister.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you are. What's the word? Not habits, but the things you can't tolerate, right, the things that really kind of get under your skin, like the small things, yeah, like when things out of place or you just don't like that being there. You don't realize it until you're married.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah so yeah, I would say before getting married. My answer would have been honesty, uh, accountability and security.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I think mine is very similar, if not the same For me patience, because, like I said, I realize so much now how much patience I require. And number two, I would say honesty, because I need somebody to be honest with me and not just be a people pleaser, not just you know, for the sake of you know. The marriage is going on and just floating across. It's just like no. We need to be honest with each other and have real conversations about everything.

Speaker 2:

Oh, with honesty, like I thought of, the person is not lying to me Like there's no lying or hiding or secrets and stuff.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you know that's worth mentioning about this game, because there's so many different ways to interpret the qualities that the point of it is that it just generates these conversations.

Speaker 2:

There's no right or wrong answer. Oh yeah, no.

Speaker 1:

And then number three, I would say accountability. Someone that I mean I'm just going to gonna use the word again.

Speaker 2:

Someone that holds me accountable, uh, somebody that oh, somebody that holds you accountable yeah okay, so my interpretation was completely different someone who can hold himself accountable when he makes mistakes, that's that's idealistically speaking no, actually that actually I was going to say. That's one thing I appreciate about you. You know, arab guys it's hard for I'm not generalizing, but a lot of Arab guys it's not easy for them to say I'm sorry or to admit they're wrong.

Speaker 1:

There's like this ego thing right, I have a bit of an ego. We all like it's a pre-installed feature in the system. It's a guy thing. I think guys have it more than girls.

Speaker 2:

But what I appreciate about you is that you don't have a problem saying I'm sorry and like I find it very manly actually.

Speaker 1:

Oh, thank you yeah.

Speaker 2:

So that's what I mean with accountability.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I guess we have a different interpretation of that. And last but not least is security.

Speaker 2:

And what is your interpretation for security?

Speaker 1:

An interpretation of security is somebody that I can really trust with everything my home that I feel secure with.

Speaker 2:

She's not going to stab me.

Speaker 1:

I'm not going to stab her, just that. But my finances right. She's not going to be reckless with our finances, with our home, with everything that I can trust her with right. That I'm sharing my life with her, so there has to be a sense of security that comes along with that.

Speaker 2:

I think when women think about security, they think that this guy is going to stick around. He's not going to run away.

Speaker 1:

See, he's not going to be?

Speaker 2:

I don't know, maybe take a second wife behind my back.

Speaker 1:

It's all part of security. Yeah, see, that's interesting because based on the gender, like we have different understandings and interpretations of those words Subhanallah, all right, let's try another one.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, let's do finances, finances.

Speaker 1:

of course, that's a big one yeah, that's always a hot topic when people are getting married. So the cad, the qualities, are saving, investing, charity and entrepreneurship. Uh, let me go first on this one, sure, I think I know what's your number one I think you know what it is too, number one for me. I would say it would have been the same before getting married and it is now, and that's entrepreneurship I knew it yeah, um, you know, entrepreneurship is just one of those words that everybody feels it's cool to throw around.

Speaker 1:

Um, but for the longest time, for the longest time, I had this for lack of a better term disdain towards a nine to five. I knew that I wanted to work away from that at some point, in some capacity, and I wanted somebody who was going to be supportive of that and was not going to be complacent in the traditional way of living nine to five retire when you're 60 or whatever your the age of retirement is, and, um, just enjoy your life after you retire. I didn't that. That kind of mentality never set well with me, and I wanted somebody who understood that and didn't judge me for that or think that, oh, I'm lazy and I don't, um, I don't want to work hard or anything like that at the end of the day, entrepreneurship is a lot of hard work it's actually more work than a day job, exactly.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think a lot of people in this generation and our generation share the same thing. Like we come across a lot of people it was like, yeah, I want to be able to quit my job and just have my own business.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, actually a lot of our clients that that we take on they always have on their profile. I'm working on a side business.

Speaker 1:

I have a side hustle, you know whether it's investing. Even I think one girl she mentioned something about baking and so, yeah, everybody is like working on something on the side in some capacity. So yeah, like I said, entrepreneurship number one. I would say investing number two. Investing should be not just finance, but investing in your health, investing in your time. But with regards to finances, yes, I want somebody who's not going to spend all my money on makeup or spend all my money on, you know, junk food, or like being conscious and wise with the way we spend our money.

Speaker 2:

But that's not investing.

Speaker 1:

When I think about investing, I'm not talking about just the stock market.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker 1:

I'm talking about in general how you are spending your money, okay Right. Investing in things that bring a return.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker 1:

Right Investing in good, healthy food.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker 1:

Investing in the gym. Right, paying money for a monthly subscription at the gym. Right, paying money for a monthly subscription at the gym. That's, that's my interpretation. Okay, three would be saving saving is important and for charity okay what about you?

Speaker 2:

uh, I would say entrepreneurship okay, and so you. You share the way that I feel about entrepreneurship and I didn't know this about myself before I knew you. Honestly, I I never, in a million years, I've never thought I'm going to be running my own business.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

Like the way we were brought up you go to school, you get a degree and then you get a job.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And yeah, you try to get a promotion and whatever and make money.

Speaker 1:

Did we talk a lot about this during our courting phase, like about entrepreneurship.

Speaker 2:

No, actually we talked about Halal match after we had our nikah, not during our courting. Yeah, yeah to be honest I.

Speaker 1:

That was one thing I was very hesitant to share with girls because girls naturally want to feel that the guy they're marrying is financially secure, that he's hardworking and stuff it goes, so sharing something like that is a bit vulnerable it.

Speaker 2:

It goes back to security, by the way. We're talking about security. But yeah, entrepreneurship, I love entrepreneurship, I would never have it any other way.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

Number two is charity.

Speaker 1:

Oh, that's, number two for you.

Speaker 2:

Yes, Nothing makes me feel better than giving to others who need it, because Allah promised us you give, you get more right when I saw that word, I thought starting your own charity oh, okay but then again, just like the previous category, we have our own interpretations.

Speaker 2:

I guess, I guess. I guess number three would be saving. Number four would be investing, which is not very wise. Like everybody should be thinking about investing like halal ways, halal investments, but I think because we've never actually talked about it seriously and researched it we don't appreciate the value of yeah for sure, one more Sure, okay.

Speaker 1:

Last but not least, oh, let's do wedding. Yeah, I think this is definitely important. Oh, let's do wedding. Yeah, I think this is definitely important. So the four characteristics or qualities are venue food, number of guests and cost. So I'll go. I'll go first, sure, so for me the number one, uh, would be cost as a guy, yeah number two would be, I would say, food.

Speaker 2:

Really, you're a guy at the end of the day.

Speaker 1:

Yes, yes, Always. If you're a girl listening to this, always remember one thing the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I've said it so many times and I'll sing it. I'll say it again you know.

Speaker 2:

This explains why, like, the biggest chefs in the world are men.

Speaker 1:

So cost, food, number of guests and then venue.

Speaker 2:

Oh, we have a completely different order.

Speaker 1:

Oh, okay.

Speaker 2:

Well, number one for me is also cost. I'm not going to spend a crazy amount of money on a one night thing.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Number two is venue.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

I've always wanted to have an outdoorsy wedding even though we didn't like, we ended up not having a wedding at all.

Speaker 1:

Which was because of COVID. Yes, in case you didn't hear the story.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but a venue, or you know what's a really nice venue A field, a field, a field.

Speaker 1:

In an autumn day, oh my god, I guess I don't know.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I just think of like farmers and overalls and tractors not for not overalls, but I don't know.

Speaker 1:

I love this rustic feeling I mean for me it would be somewhere like obviously I'm thinking of like a dream wedding, uh, on a beach that's very messy, you know, with the dress and the sand and all of that, yeah, yeah um, number three for me would be food.

Speaker 2:

No, actually wait gas or food. Which is more important? Yeah, I would say food and number of guests uh, number of guests.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, for me it's about quality over quantity. Like, um, at our nikah, uh, we had what? 50 or 60 new people and uh, it was just all my family and friends. I didn't I mean. Part of the reason was that we didn't have too much time to plan yeah, it was the last minute. It was the last minute thing, yeah but uh, but yeah, I'm not the kind of guy that needs to invite my cousins, brothers, brothers, sisters, in-laws, daughters.

Speaker 2:

No, you know, even when we were planning our wedding in Palestine, I think we had like 100, like yeah, maybe 80 guests, or something.

Speaker 1:

Well, I mean, you have a pretty large extended family.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but we weren't going to invite like everyone, so we were going to keep it as, like I think, 80 or 90 people. Wow, that's pretty small, given the size of your extended family yeah, okay, shall we move on to the next activity?

Speaker 2:

yeah, but you know, before we move on this, especially the the wedding one, it's really good for people who are talking to talk about these things and not leave it till the end, because you might have a completely different perspective and you have no idea how many marriages fall, or like marriages that were supposed to be fall over fall apart fall apart over something as I don't know, the wedding venue, or we want more people.

Speaker 1:

We want I don't know or maher or things like, not to mention how they turn it into a burden, a big financial burden, taking out a loan $30,000, $40,000 wedding. It's ridiculous.

Speaker 2:

Or sometimes even starting their marriage with haram, Like I don't know. Just a lot of things happen in weddings that shouldn't happen.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean, you tell me a lot.

Speaker 2:

In Arab culture, it's all about outdoing the other person, outdoing the cousin who had that wedding like oh, I gotta show him I can do a better job.

Speaker 1:

Not, not not all arabs, but it depends, I guess so, like, like we said before, this is a wonderful category, and actually just playing this again reminded me how genders think very differently as I said before. So you're going to realize that the how the person you're talking to is going to interpret each quality differently. If you're overwhelmed and burdened and just don't know where to seek help, let us help you. We can be your personal matchmakers. Visit us at halalmatchca and book a free call with us. Okay, this one I remember clearly.

Speaker 1:

We worked on this one for a while for our first double date yeah and it was super fun and we've worked on it, we refined it and refined it. Alhamdulillah, it's in a good place now. So this is called dream house. In this game, the goal is to build a dream house with the, the person you're speaking with. In this activity, you have obviously certain necessities or things that might not even be deemed a necessary, that you are going to fill your house with, things like a mattress, couch, dinner table, etc. And, of course, each item does come with a cost. Now the challenge is that you have to work within a budget to fill that house the way you want it to build your dream house and you can use a credit card with no limit.

Speaker 1:

You can borrow from your wife's parents, or you can borrow from your husband's parents and you can only borrow a certain amount or you can stick to your budget yeah, or you can stick to your budget, and the point of this game is that you get an understanding of lifestyle, of flexibility. What else does this?

Speaker 2:

Conflict resolution. Because the thing is most of the items in the list. We give two options Either you buy this like I don't know a Walmart mattress or a Tempur-Pedic yeah or like you buy something from Marketplace over something from I don't know Ikea let's say, when we had our Nikka, we were trying to plan our first apartment.

Speaker 1:

Our best friend was marketplace. And what's the other one Kijiji.

Speaker 2:

There you go. By the way, you'll find great things on there, honestly.

Speaker 1:

You'd drive me nuts, I know Every day I'd get a link and say, hey, can you go pick? By the way, you'll find great things on there. Honestly, you drive me nuts. I know every day I'd get a link say, hey, can you go pick this up? Hey, hey, check out these dishes. Hey, can you go drive over there? So I'd be driving with my mom picking up the most random stuff. I said you know what she's finding? Good, affordable things. They're decent quality, why not? And it got to a point where my room was just filled with stuff because we hadn't moved in yet together.

Speaker 1:

We were living apart because of covid and uh.

Speaker 2:

It was fun and crazy at the same time yeah, I saved you a lot of money, didn't you did? You did. I won't deny that. Yeah, I remember when we were like building this game, we went on like walmart website on ikea website and stuff to choose the prices yeah, yeah, because we wanted to make as as realistic as possible.

Speaker 1:

Let's go through some of the items and see which one that we would pick. So, for example, the first one is mattress. So we have the option of buying a king-size Walmart mattress for $600. Or a double-size Tempur-Pedic mattress for $2,000. $2,000 for a mattress is a lot.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yes, but sleep is important exactly sleep is important, comfort is important.

Speaker 1:

Um, and those are the options we got to work with. I'm a bit resistant, but I think I would go with double size Tempur-Pedic yeah if there was like a middle ground, I would go with the middle ground.

Speaker 2:

But if, if I had to choose between these. Sleep is very important. And your back health.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so we've already eaten up $2,000.

Speaker 2:

So we are left with $6,000.

Speaker 1:

The next thing of course you need a couch. Okay, you know I keep going back to us. When we moved in together, we didn't have a couch for the first, I believe, three months. We couldn't even invite guests or anybody, so it was just us sitting at the dinner table chilling. Or we just go to our bed and just watch a movie on our bed because we didn't have a couch, or we just sit on a chair just watch tv.

Speaker 2:

It was so uncomfortable? Yeah, but because of covid.

Speaker 1:

Everything took time, like we ordered this couch and it took forever to arrive and you were a bit picky, so we went to at least 12 stores before we decided on a couch but it's worth it, like everyone who comes to our apartments like says what a beautiful couch we have yeah even kiwi, the cat likes it yeah, so I would go with a used like new facebook marketplace couch for 450 instead of a leather sectional from Structube for 3,100?.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I would say the same thing with some hesitation, because things that are cushioned I would try so hard to not buy secondhand, just because of hygiene and stuff.

Speaker 1:

But if it's barely used Especially if they had a dog or something yeah, so we wouldn't buy something from a place with a dog, but the sectional I hate leather.

Speaker 2:

I but the sectional I hate leather.

Speaker 1:

I don't like leather yeah, I don't like leather either yeah, plus three thousand dollars for a couch yeah, it's too much.

Speaker 2:

Uh, okay, let's pick one more uh, let's pick two more two more okay okay, we have this category laundry, where you can choose a plastic basket for 15 or you can choose a cotton hamper for $70. I would say that's that one is easy.

Speaker 1:

I don't even know why you picked that category. It's so easy.

Speaker 2:

Because a hamper is nice. Some people might want that.

Speaker 1:

People would be that picky about a hamper. Women, you don't know, women Come on, you've been married for six years almost and you still don't know women I guess I don't um, for me it's just like all right, just give me a wooden box and I'll throw my laundry in there such a guy.

Speaker 2:

I'm a guy man.

Speaker 1:

Okay, choose the last one okay, for let's pick a a dinner table okay yes, food's important to a guy, so I want you're not gonna eat the table yes, but I need something comfortable to eat on.

Speaker 2:

Okay, what are the options?

Speaker 1:

Six-seater, used and needs to be repainted, for $200. Or and I know why you're laughing two-seater, new marble round for $670. Obviously, it's an easy one for me $200 six-seater. And the story behind our dinner table is that Hiba found it on Kijiji while she was in Jordan, like just non-stop searching. Finally she found something and man, it was gross it was the ugliest thing ever.

Speaker 1:

But I said you know Hiba wants it, I'll get it. So I drove with my mom to God knows where I I think it was nearly a half hour drive and it was somewhat cheap.

Speaker 2:

It was very cheap. It's a six-seater full wood.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, wooden.

Speaker 2:

And six chairs and it looked ugly as hell.

Speaker 1:

It was super ugly. So after Hiba came, it became my project to sand this entire thing down, paint it, paint the chairs. That became like a two or three day project, I remember, and I had to like leave it out on the balcony, let it dry. God, what did we? We just ate on like a desk or I don't even know how we ate and it's so heavy.

Speaker 2:

And the funny thing is, this is the table. We're recording this over right now and now. It looks gorgeous. Everybody who sees it. They are mashallah. We went to canadian tire, chose these beautiful colors.

Speaker 1:

No, it was home depot canadian tire.

Speaker 2:

I don't think they sell paint or do they, no, I'm I'm 100 certain it was home depot yeah I'm the one who got the paint I was with you because I chose the color it was home depot okay, by the way, which reminds me there's a scratch here. You need to paint over.

Speaker 1:

Oh, thank you for reminding me the 10th time about that. Yeah, this game could go on for over an hour.

Speaker 2:

This game will also teach you how the other person handles conflict resolution. Are they the stubborn type that everything has to be their way, or are they the compromising type? That's okay, you can have this one, I'll have the other one, the next one, It'll teach you. Are they the type who has to have a luxurious lifestyle? Are they the type who would just use the credit card very unresponsibly? Are they so easy with debt they can just take that for just things that are not necessities? Are they the I don't know the cheap? Maybe the guy is cheap and everything on the list he's just going with secondhand, secondhand. I think it's a great game, honestly.

Speaker 1:

Okay, last but not least is Journey of Life Sounds serious. Yes. So this game is a maze and what you need to do is work with your partner to get through the maze, and in the maze there are seven obstacles in your way. Just like marriage, there will be obstacles, there will be disagreements, but the important thing is how you work together to overcome those obstacles and move on in your life.

Speaker 1:

So, similarly, this game kind of mirrors that. In this game there are seven obstacles and we'll go just through a few of them so you get an idea of how the game goes. I can tell how much you invested in designing this game, because the picture is of a hijabi girl, with her arm around her husband, about to walk into this maze, which is basically life itself god bless canva so the first obstacle that this couple has hit is that their parents have, or the husband's parents have, moved into the house because they've reached the age where they're unable to take care of themselves.

Speaker 1:

After a few months, they realize that parents are interfering with the way that you want to bring up your children, and they give them food you don't approve of and undermine your authority at times. Your spouse suggests getting your parents a separate accommodation. How do you handle the situation?

Speaker 2:

I can think of one person right now who's going through this.

Speaker 1:

Yes, one of my friends I feel is in this situation. Yeah, but this is something that's very real it's very common yeah, yeah, it's a very realistic situation. Yeah and um, and it's, living within laws is not easy. Um, how would you handle this?

Speaker 2:

um, so I am the one who is suggesting getting a separate accommodation for your parents. Yeah, okay, that's the question, because now you're caught, sorry, go ahead. Now you're caught between two things your duty as like your Islamic duty towards your parents.

Speaker 1:

Right right.

Speaker 2:

And at the same time, we're talking about the upbringing of our children and they are interfering with that. Now do we have the money to get them separate accommodation? And the problem is, even if we have the money, their health not in the best condition that allows them to live separately. At the same time, I'm not going to compromise the future of my children.

Speaker 1:

Right, I think in an ideal situation, yes, you want to have a meeting with your parents and just establish some clear-cut boundaries and say this is how things are going to operate in regards to your children.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but your parents are going to feel like this is your way of telling them get out. You're not welcome here.

Speaker 1:

You know you have to evaluate the relationship you have with your parents. So, going back to the question how would I handle this situation? I would. I could see my mom interfering more than my dad. My dad's very laid back um, he doesn't interfere, he's just like do what you guys want. I'll just show up for the kisses and cuddles for the with the kids. I'll take them out whenever you guys want. My mom I can see being more the type that would interfere, and so I would feel pretty comfortable establishing boundaries with my, with my mom you know why I'm laughing?

Speaker 2:

because when you told your parents about me when we were talking, you said that your dad was like oh, I'm happy for you, whatever. Like he didn't even ask you about me yeah and your mom grilled me yes, yes, she had.

Speaker 1:

She had a list of questions yeah, yeah, rightfully.

Speaker 2:

But, um, I would say maybe I would turn to like an imam, somebody that my parents, your parents, look up to, or like um, appreciate his advice and maybe he will talk to them in a way that doesn't make them feel defensive. I think communication in these cases is a key. Oh yeah, you can't just go like this is how it's going to be. You have to do this, don't do that Like this doesn't work Of course.

Speaker 2:

But you see, if you're talking, if you're a guy and a girl and you're talking, this is an important topic to discuss because it's going to come up. Maybe your parents are going to get old and sick or her parents are going to, so it up. Maybe your parents are gonna get old and sick or her parents are gonna. So it's a realistic situation. If the girl tells you I don't care, let your brothers and sisters handle it, I'm not gonna live with in-laws, even like it's not my business then you know there's no cookie cutter answer.

Speaker 1:

I mean, as a guy, you could be the only son of the family and you could have multiple sisters and the responsibility could fall upon you and you might need to have this difficult conversation with a potential spouse and see what she says, and if she's not flexible on that, it could be a deal breaker the only, you know, the most horrible answer somebody could give is just put them in a home, then you know he or she is not marriage material I have different feelings about nursing homes, but that's for for another day yeah, yes.

Speaker 1:

So let's pick another one here. Number three you get a job offer that pays twice your current salary, gives you a senior position in the company and grants you an opportunity to learn new skills. However, the job requires you to relocate with your family to another continent. The company is willing to pay for travel, accommodation and additional vacation time. You have three kids and your parents and in-laws live nearby. You talk to your spouse and your spouse is reluctant, and your in-laws are disapproving as well. What do you do?

Speaker 2:

you think that's easy and difficult at the same time how so? Because, like with all these benefits, who would say no right?

Speaker 1:

Yeah but the cost and the fact that you're not going to have support, you're not going to have any moral support.

Speaker 2:

And your children are going to grow up away from both their grandparents, and the spouse is reluctant. He's not disapproving, but reluctant.

Speaker 1:

Let's put ourselves in this situation. We don't have children, obviously, but let's say, your parents live nearby Both my parents live nearby Three children, and we're going to get up and move to this place that we've been talking about for years and it's Oman, and for me it would be more difficult, I'd say, than for you, because at least you can speak the local language.

Speaker 1:

I don't speak the language there. It's for you, because at least you can speak the local language. I don't speak the language there. It's a completely new culture and new environment. I wouldn't even know like, where do I go for groceries, where do I go for furniture, where do I get my like basic needs, uh, or necessities? So I don't know, but I don't know how would you handle it what?

Speaker 2:

what if the company was relocating you to an English-speaking country, to, I don't know, australia, let's say.

Speaker 1:

I would take it.

Speaker 2:

You would take it.

Speaker 1:

I'd take it. What about the kids and the grandparents If the kids are young, like, let's say, we have three kids under the age of five I would say it's more of a reason to go. They're young, they'll adapt.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but what about the grandchildren? Sorry, what about the grandparents? They're going to grow old without their grandchildren. We got WhatsApp video. We got Skype.

Speaker 1:

Actually Skype is gone now, but yeah, we got.

Speaker 2:

Zoom.

Speaker 1:

I mean, something's got to give at some point.

Speaker 2:

You know that's one of the things where you're like I am allowed to be selfish in some things like yeah, but this is a guilt that comes with it yeah, yeah like there are four people, two sets of grandparents who are gonna be unhappy. Who?

Speaker 1:

are gonna feel left out lonely the company's giving additional vacation time yes, but you know it's not the same it isn't, yeah, it isn't, but I think if parents are really looking out for your well-being and they can see the the opportunity that lays ahead for you as a family at least the way I see my parents I think my parents would support me yeah.

Speaker 2:

But it's not like parents are saying, if you go, then if you take, yeah. But it's not like parents are saying, if you go, then if you take my grandchildren, then you're not my son, you're not my daughter, I don't know you anymore.

Speaker 1:

No, it's not like this. There is reluctance.

Speaker 2:

You know, even if they give you their blessing, they're not going to be happy from the inside. They're going to feel left out and alone.

Speaker 1:

Maybe I'm selfish.

Speaker 2:

Exactly that's like one thing, where you're like I'm not doing anything haram. This is my life. I'm looking for the best interest of my family.

Speaker 1:

This is one of those situations where there really isn't a comfortable middle ground.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Right, like it's, either or Something's got to give.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. But you know, some people would just immediately know what to do. And maybe you're talking to someone and she is very attached to her parents. She really wants to have their presence in the children's lives. Then she's going to be completely against it and maybe you see more advantages and benefits. So it's one struggle you have to figure out.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so are you going to figure out, yeah, so are you going to let this stop you in the journey of life? Or are you going to come to a resolution and move through the maze is the question?

Speaker 2:

yeah, yeah, you know. A lot of divorces happen not over violence or lack of compatibility or like I don't and adultery no, but because of just like life challenges that they weren't able to come over.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, finances and in-laws.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Those are the two main reasons that we often hear yeah, okay. Well, we hope these activities really gave you some insight as to not just the work we're doing, but the things that we can offer you guys to help you navigate the search of a compatible spouse, and anything else you'd like to share.

Speaker 2:

Sure, courting and getting to know the other person doesn't have to be boring and feel more like an interrogation. Of course, it can be so much fun. You just have to think outside of the box. Uh, be creative and just have fun with it. And if you think that this tool, the compatibility challenge, can help you with that, then we would love for you to get a copy and let us know if it actually helped you or not. Uh, it's very, very, very affordable, honestly, and you can find it on our website, halalmatchca, or go directly to Amazon and just type the compatibility challenge. We'd love to get some feedback.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, until next time, assalamualaikum, Assalamualaikum.