Diary of a Matchmaker
Getting married is tough for the vast majority of Muslims in the West. We know because weโve been there. My (Zaid) journey spanned nearly nine years. It was filled with rejections and self-doubt. While I (Hiba) didn't know there was a journey to be on in the first place. After we got married we decided to create something different to help single Muslims complete their deen. And so our matchmaking service Halal Match was born.
After a few years of interviewing singles, a friend suggested we journal our stories. We tweaked that idea and turned it into a podcast. In โDiary of a Matchmakerโ weโll take you through this unfamiliar world of matchmaking. Weโll share our stories, experiences, and much more. So say Bismillah and tune in.
Do you have a story to share? Email us at: info@halalmatch.ca
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Diary of a Matchmaker
The Productivity Shift Every Single Needs w/ Mohammed Faris
๐จ Heads up: If you only listen to one episode of this podcast, make it this one. Weโre obsessed.
What if preparing for marriage wasnโt about ticking more boxes, but about aligning your effort with purpose, intention, and barakah? We sat down with Muhammed Faris, founder of Productive Muslim, and the conversation honestly blew us away. He unpacks what productivity actually means for single Muslims, and itโs not what you think.
We talk about shifting from hustle to heart. From scarcity to trust. From doing more to doing it better, with Allah in mind. Faris shares practical tools and deep mindset shifts that can completely change how you approach your search for a spouse. Itโs grounding, insightful, and exactly what we needed to hear, and we have a feeling you might feel the same.
Follow The Productive Muslim on Instagram.
Got a dilemma or story? The Single Muslim Hotline is here for you! Weโll play your anonymous messages in future episodes and offer real talk. Drop us a voice note ๐๐ป
https://www.speakpipe.com/DiaryOfAMatchmaker
As-salamu alaykum everyone, welcome to another episode of Diary of a Matchmaker. Today, we're honored to have our guest Muhammad Faris. He is the founder of Productive Muslim, which is an online training platform that fuses personal development with spirituality. He's also the author of the Barakah Effect, which encapsulates research, training and coaching on living a life of barakah and offers readers a renewed perspective on how to live more with less. So thank you for coming on the podcast. Jazakallah khair, thank you for having me.
Speaker 3:Bismillah, bismillah.
Speaker 1:Okay, so before we dive in, why don't we just lay the groundwork? And if you could just explain to us what is the Productive Muslim?
Speaker 2:what led you to start it and why productivity through an islamic lens? All right, why protect muslim? So I think when I was at university um, I was. I felt busy. I was doing my master's degree, I had two jobs, I was involved with the ISOC in the UK, msa for those in North America, and I just felt busy and felt overwhelmed. I was thinking, man, here I am a rinky-dinky student, struggling to keep up with my time and and to do is and imagine, tomorrow I'll be, I get married, I have kids and I work. Like how would I manage it all? And that's when I kind of stumbled on the science of productivity. I got fascinated with this idea of there are things you can do to how you organize yourself, your time, your energy, your focus that will actually help you achieve more with less and help you get things done. So I was fascinated by that science and the initial spark for Productive Muslim initial intention was for me to simply share what I'm learning with the world.
Speaker 2:This is 2007. This is where the blogging world was exploding. Everyone wanted to have a blog or wanted to start a blog. So I was fascinated by that world and, yeah, I wanted to start my own blog and it was November 2007 that this idea popped in my head. I just wanted to see the productive Muslim members. I posted it. I had like two words popped in my head. I got so excited. I went home and just started to book the domain name and started blogging, and then after a couple of months I shut the website down. I was like this is not really for me. I was like this is not really for me. I was getting busy again. It's not really worth it. But after graduating and I graduated smack in the financial crisis 2008. I was bored. No real job lined up.
Speaker 2:Subhanallah, a couple of things happened, but one of them was that I came across this hadith, rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, that says ุจูุฑููู ููุฃูู ููุฉู ููู ุจููููุฑูููุฉู. There's barakah for my ummah in the early hours, and that's when it kind of first hit me. I was like wait a second. Every productivity guru that I'm reading says wake up early, wake up early, wake up early. So here we actually, prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam idea of barakah, and that's when the kind of the this, the, the message flipped wasn't about me just sharing what I'm learning was well, what does it mean to be productive as a muslim? How do we view productivity as islam. Is it aligned the modern sort of hustle culture, model productivity versus what I call the barakah culture push productivity? I think that's what led to this journey of really exploring productivity from a faith angle and from an Islamic worldview perspective, and how it's different and it's more encompassing than the traditional science productivity.
Speaker 3:Wow. This hits home so bad because I've always personally struggled with waking up early. It's been like my lifelong purpose to be able to wake up early, so I'm really dying to learn some tricks from you on how to do that. But I'm glad you mentioned hustle culture, because we read about productivity everywhere Books, instagram, productivity hacks everywhere but how is it different actually from hustle culture? Productivity hacks everywhere, but how is it different actually from hustle culture? Productivity from an Islamic land?
Speaker 2:So this is where it just took me a while to figure this out. Let me just make sure to turn off the notifications. This took me a while to figure it out because, again, the model of productivity that we're taught is where the worldview that comes from. Again, sometimes worldview dictates how things get, but the world is taught from is that a human being's value is your economic value and therefore the more productive you are, the more output you produce, especially in a in a capitalist society, in economic society. That's your human value and hence everything is pushed towards that right Hustle culture. That's the model of success. There's no other model of success From an Islamic worldview.
Speaker 2:It actually says ุฅูููู ููุฑูู ูููู ูุง, ุฅูููู ุงูููููู ุฃูุชูููุงููู ู, that is, the ones who is honored among you is honored as most God-conscious, and the idea that your role in life is Ibadah and work is part of that right. Work is one part, but it's not the part. So when you have a model where it says work is essentially religion, right, where our purpose of life is work, our values are from work, our meaning and purpose, our community, everything that people used to get from religion, now they get from work and they've made that their main identity, who they are versus accepting the identity. We are abd of Allah. We are slaves of God. We are owned by Allah, and I use the word slave very purposefully here, not servant, not worshiper. I use the word slave abd because I want us to feel that we belong to him. We literally belong to him, and from the moment we wake up to the moment we sleep, the question is like what does our master want from us? And that's what it means we product in this.
Speaker 2:My perspective, it's like organizing our day, organizing our energy, organizing our focus, organizing our time across all our roles to be the best abd of allah's, to add. And that just is a whole different ballgame compared to the very narrow viewpoint of get things done, output over input, and let's see you. And there's work and there's life. Right Work, life balance. There's work and there's life, as if life, the work, is not part of life. And it's just that in that environment, the hustle culture leads to the spiritual burnout that we're seeing.
Speaker 2:People are disengaged. A lot of people are really feeling that they don't feel that they belong. They feel like something's off here, and COVID is a great example. Most people realized hustle culture, how detrimental hustle culture was, during COVID. Unfortunately, now, post-covid, we're all going back to hustle culture. Was during COVID. Unfortunately, now post-COVID, we're all going back to hustle culture. So I think Islam comes with this holistic worldview that is much more healthy, that it allows us to fulfill our health across all our roles, the rights across our roles, and it's more purposeful, meaningful productivity. That's what we want to advocate for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure, and so I just wanted to clarify that. Um, you know, you're obviously not saying that, for example, whether it's finding a spouse, whether it's entrepreneurship, there is hard work, there is dedication, there is discipline involved. Um, but that, at the same time, shouldn't um with hustle culture that sometimes comes at the expense of your slum.
Speaker 2:Exactly so I don't think when I say Baraka culture, hustle culture, hustle culture, it sounds like hustlers work hard and Baraka's lazy. And Baraka, it's okay, I'll take care of things.
Speaker 1:I know, so I always use the example of the gardener.
Speaker 2:Because a gardener, they plant the seeds, they work hard, they sweat, they get outside in the seeds, they work hard, they sweat, they get outside in the sun, they put everything they can, day in, day out, but they cannot guarantee the fruits. They cannot guarantee the fruits. That's the Baraka culture approach. We do our part, we do our best and we have trust in Allah, of course, of course.
Speaker 1:So for single Muslims, building a strong personal foundation is often talked about, but a lot of people aren't sure what that actually looks like in real life. So what are some simple three daily habits you recommend a single Muslim to start today to invite Barakah into their life before marriage.
Speaker 2:I think I'll start off again. I'd like to start off by foundational things, because sometimes we try to add the wrong habits and the wrong foundation doesn't sit well. And the first foundational thing and I think I really want people to embody this to, to, to. I know we we say we don't, sometimes we don't believe it that we are slaves of god. We are owned by Allah. So really make that your core identity. Your core identity is not your work. Your core identity is not your marriage. Your core identity is not sort of what culture. Your core identity is I'm a servant of Allah, I belong to Him.
Speaker 2:Once you accept that identity, truly accept that identity, once you accept that identity, truly accept that identity, the second step is to reconfigure your life around that identity. So step one is to organize your day around five daily prayers, simple as that. Like your day, literally. So prayer is not something you kind of fit in with the rest of your life. You're literally organizing your day around your meeting with your master, your meeting with your Lord. And that's the first step. That's the kind of how do I organize my day in entirety, from the moment I sleep, the moment I wake up, how to reconfigure my life around my salah.
Speaker 2:And then comes this idea of okay, well, what are the things I need to focus on right? What are the habits and routines, things I need to focus on to improve myself, to be a better abd of Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala. And that depends on the field you're in, again, if you're still studying, seeking beneficial knowledge, if you're not studying and you're working, then it's working. If you have some service, work for the community is being involved, again in the service of others. And when I say it again, sometimes we kind of hold notice me how they hold their life, like I'm not going to be productive until after I get married or I'm not going to do this until I get a job. Every single day is precious. Every single day is a contribution towards your akhira. So make it count. Make it count, organize your day around salah time, be intentional about what you, how you can spend your day and just be and figure out how, what are the best ways I can serve all those people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and naturally these things will definitely carry over into your marriage, because it's not like you just flip a switch and like all of a sudden you're going to become this productive version of yourself post-marriage. It starts now and then it carries over, because then the responsibility to build up absolutely uh, you know, a lot of times like what you're saying is beautiful, mashallah.
Speaker 3:And a lot of times we hear a lot of like good advice on podcasts, on interviews from like experts like yourself and we like it, but then, after we hit pause, we stop the podcast or the video. We forget everything we heard Like it's beautiful, but how can we actually implement it like practical, actual steps we can take with us after this, recording and implement them in our daily lives?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think again, I always start with intentions. Barakah culture is a very intentions-driven culture. It's about the why. Why are you doing some things right? So I always tell people, instead of having a to-do list, have an intentions list what's my niyyah for today? What's my niyyah for this week? What would I focus on? What's my niyyah, what's my need, what's my intention? And just asking that question what's my need versus what's my way to do already makes a switch in your mind that I am now abdallah, I'm now, I'm here to serve all service creation. So what's your?
Speaker 2:So, at the start of the end of each week or each day, what's my intentions? All right, then look at, then you can check out, because also your calendars, your intentions map, it shows to also what you plan to do, what you intend to do when it comes to reality, no different story. But this is like. This is what you, how you plan your day, how you intend to live your day, how you intend to live your week and just sit with your calendar and say, well, if I were to be as optimal, if I were to live this day perfectly or this week perfectly, what would it look like? When will I pray? When will I eat, when will I exercise, when will I meet my friends, when will I study, when will I work, when I have those appointments? I just really draw a map and that kind of gives you a visual of what's coming and sometimes I have to make some tough choices. You know what? I could sleep early and get up for fudge, or I could watch netflix. I gotta decide. Really, I need to see where this go. So I have to really decide where this goes. So I think just having intentions map and building that intent, the calendar for the week, that is a practical way to live this. It's not a lived experience.
Speaker 2:And third is that daily check-in. Again, we have the five daily prayers. It's a great time. I personally like to check in in the morning what's my intention for today. After the hour, how's my day going and what's my intention for the rest of, and then in the evening, how did the day go? That daily muraqabah, that daily sort of planning and reviewing reflection, is very because that tells you okay, today, alhamdulillah, this went well, this didn't go well and this needs to be. I need to improve on this area. You know that conversation could have been better. You know what I could have exercised today. You know what? Maybe I should have napped today. I was so tired, you know, today I should have. Maybe he's not had that fried chicken because I'm so now lethargically in my day.
Speaker 2:So you, just by observing yourself, reflecting, not just spiritually, really physically and socially, that's when you start making the small changes. And also to be. But don't make imagine yourself as a software, right, and we always tend to think of version 10, right, let's imagine version 1. You want to go to version 10, and no, it needs to think of version 10, right, this might be version one. You might go to version 10. And no, it needs to think what's my version 1.1? What's the smallest change I can make which can stick? Maybe it's just you know what, I'm going to stop snapping at people, I don't know. Maybe it is I'm going to just cut out dessert after dinner. Maybe what is smallest change that you can commit to? And that's your version 1.1, spiritual, physical or social. And once you make that commitment, it becomes part of your routine, by your habit. What's the next version? And you keep going until you get to that version 10. That's how you, that's how this becomes a lived experience versus theory yeah a lot of what you're sharing.
Speaker 1:It just reminds me how there's and I'm sure you've heard of these experts there's the famous book Atomic Habits, the Simon Sinek Start With why? And it amazes me how much of what they talk about was already given to us 1400 years ago. And if we just simply come back to our deen and just understand this here and understand the daily routines of the Prophet, we'll find so much simplicity in our life and we don't have to resort to these books or these non-Muslims to improve our lives. And it's just a very nice, refreshing reminder to hear you say I think, it's about.
Speaker 2:Again back to the world. We all say there's no harm learning and benefiting the wisdom is a lost procter believer. But sometimes we tend to take these things wholesale. Every author, every sort of self-help guru comes with their worldview and unfortunately, most of the self-help authors out there, they come from a worldview that is secular, that does not believe in Akhira. That is sometimes not aligned right and maybe they get one of the two things right, a few things right. But sometimes you have to almost read these books with that faith-based critical lens Like wait, does this align with my, for example, a lot of the self-help books are very ego-centered.
Speaker 2:You can do anything you want. You are the destiny. Set your own destiny right. You know you can walk away from any relationship, right? Like it's so ego-centered.
Speaker 2:And this idea of what does Allah want from me? The idea is what is right in Islam, this hak of others, this hakuf, these rights and responsibilities, the idea of community, right? I feel like sometimes we just we've just so. And the worst and the hardest part of the worst part is when we try to Islamicize this right, we try to add Islamic terminology to this thing. So they say, oh yeah, we're trendy too. Oh yeah, we knew this 14 years ago. I'm like wait, we have to really rethink from the ground up, and I think that's the process that.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's hard, it's painful, yes, it takes time, but it's really important for our community to do it if we want to be aligned with the divine guidance we have. We have the last divine message from Allah. I literally think about it. Allah sent the Qur'an with the last no more revelations, right? So this is the last divine message to mankind. We have that and it literally that message about self-improvement, that message about being better for ourselves. It has the guidance, but unfortunately, as muslims, we fail. We fail to to translate that divine guidance to our modern lives, or you know, or we feel that it's not good enough, right? So, like you said, we tend to look well, what's out there, let's just import and have this inferiority complex. We need to get over it to really say no, we have something very powerful to offer as well.
Speaker 3:I feel like we like to brag about our book, about the sunnah to non-Muslims, but when it comes to it, we turn to other resources. Like you said, we don't implement it in our daily life, into other resources. Like you said, like we don't implement it. But let's, let's take it back to single muslims now. A lot of people have been trying for a long time and they get um, like emotions take a toll on them. Trying and not finding someone, keep getting ghosted, keep getting rejected, losing faith in the institution of marriage, even some people. So, from a productivity standpoint, how can somebody balance between trying their best and like tying their camel and between not becoming obsessive and just burning?
Speaker 2:out. So again, I shared the equation I shared earlier about the garden of mindset, and it's three parts to the gardener mindset. There's first the free will right the free will, the intention setting. This is where the thinking, the intention, the planning, so this way of saying what I shall intend to get married, I'm at the niyyah for this, inshallah ta'ala, so I can fulfill half my deen, so I can start a family. So you said all these intentions, and the beautiful thing we have in our deen is that we get rewarded for our intentions, despite the outcomes. So let's say that's mahala, you've lived all your life and did not get married. Right, the fact you've set the niyyah. You say, oh, I've made that intention, I've made an intention and I've made all my possible sort of, and I've taken the means and also start thinking what else, not only inshallah, but what else do I like in my marriage? Maybe, inshallah, when I get married, I want to raise righteous children. When I have children, inshallah, I'll reinvest in their development and growth and become scholars of the ummah. So you set multiple intentions for your marriage, because that's the best thing. You're going to have one intention, multiple intentions shall happen. Step one set high him intentions or set intentions for yourself.
Speaker 2:The second thing is you mentioned is taking the means. All right, taking the means, whatever that means possible, asking people, going, meeting people, seeing, seeing the possibilities. You know, engage in the process. You know, don't feel like, oh no, it's too much, too complicated. Sometimes I know there's a lot of cultural baggage, sometimes it comes with this whole process. But just engage, just show up right, just ask, do your part. Don't, don't get too caught up with the outcome and I miss the process. I'll follow the process.
Speaker 2:The third, and mostly very important, is I say seek allah's permission. Seek, let me ask allah, like, make that part of your daily dua, make that part of your tahajjud, make that part of your prayers, make that part of your istighara prayer. Of course, when you find somebody and you're considering them, so seek Allah's permission, so intention, you take action and you seek Allah's permission. That's your responsibility, got to do. The outcome is not up to you, the result is not up to you, right, and I think sometimes we get so attached to the outcome, so attached to results, so attached this image of of what it should, things should be right.
Speaker 2:Unfortunately, that image is mostly fed by hollywood and bollywood and and all the sorts of romance novels are really like. It's this image of what should marriage should be, this image of how this process should go. Is this image of what marriage should be. It's this image of how this process should go. It's this image of how things should become that when things don't go our way, we get upset, we get frustrated, we get annoyed, we get anxious. So I feel, if you focus on intentions, if you focus on the process and you focus on Allah's permission and detach and know there's khair whatever is khair, allah will get you there when it's khair for you.
Speaker 2:Right Now, let's say you go through that process and a door is shut or it's difficult, or you want somebody and maybe your parents don't want it, et cetera, et cetera. It's like that's what we call. This is where you use spiritual intelligence. This way it's okay. I'm facing difficulty situation. Do I give up? No, I keep trying again, I keep trying again, I keep trying again until a door is open. This is also that is is merciful. He's just. He knows best for you, he does not want harm for you and he'll give you from where you don't expect. But have sincere intentions, work hard and ask him and detach from his else inshallah, beautiful we have um a client, semi-client, you could say.
Speaker 3:She's been trying for 20 years and she is still trying with like beautiful energy and she hasn't our intention, but for some reason we don't actually think about it in our pursuit for marriage. So that's beautiful what you said Even just because you are trying and you have the right intention, you're getting rewarded for it. I think that could make a huge difference for somebody who's trying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely. For somebody who's growing, yeah, sure, yeah, definitely. To add to that, sometimes it feels like if we're not seeing the results and we don't see progress, we feel like we're losing but that, that and so to piggyback off of that, or what are some warning signs that someone might be losing baraka or productivity in their marriage journey, and can they take some steps to realign that? Great question.
Speaker 2:So first we need to understand what Baraka is right, because sometimes that makes a difference. So, say, baraka, is the attachment of divine goodness to a thing right? So that means, imagine Baraka. Anything could be. Your marriage search could be your marriage itself could be your home could be your time could be your wealth could be your time could be your wealth, could be your children could be your smartphone could be anything. When Allah attaches barakah to it, there is this benefit, there is this khayr, there is this goodness that comes from it, which makes you grateful. Right Now, barakah can attach itself, even to difficult situations.
Speaker 2:How, sometimes we think barakah is only about, you know, getting what we want. Oh, mashallah, I got barakah, I got married. That's, of course, one manifestation of barakah is also how that facilitates marriage for you. But also, you know, having stability and having inner peace right, like trusting the process, that's barakah. You know, because some people like, if they just give up or completely lose hope, like despair, right, that's that's the. You feel something's missing. But when you have hope, you have a stability. Yes, you might be disappointed, yes, you might hope for the better, but having stability and inner peace, that's also Barakah. Being continuous, continuous trying, not giving up. That's also Barakah, because continuity is also a form of Barakah. Sometimes you might start something and stop right, but you start continuing on something. The Arabs say barakah sama. Barakah sama means the rain, is the skies or the heavens raining continuously. So continuity, the fact that you're continuing this journey, you haven't given up. It takes 20 years, but you're still continuing that's barakah. So barakah is not just about getting what you want right, and you know that this blessing, when it comes to barakah, there's a lot of khayr, there's a lot of goodness.
Speaker 2:Now, in general, what attracts barakah is aligning what I call our mindsets, how we think, our values and our rituals and behaviors to how Allah wants us to live. That's what attracts barakah. So how you approach the process right, how you do things the right way, doing things the halal way, all these things brings barakah. What detracts barakah or what removes barakah, is doing things that are not Allah. Allah wants us to live.
Speaker 2:I think sometimes there's a beautiful hadith that says that everyone will have their rizq, as if ajminu fil talab, seek your rizq beautifully, seek your rizq in a way that's beautiful, the way that's. It's going to come. It's going to come right, because it's, all you know written for you or not written for you, but that is like it's. It's it's seek your risk beautifully, don't try to seek your risk. It's like someone like, let's say, he's about to earn money Instead of earning for it, he. So, I think, seeking your risk beautifully, seeking the process, those are things attracting barakah and following the right way of doing things.
Speaker 2:Inshaallah, that's the most barakah, inshaallah. Like I said, it's not about the results, it's about you doing the right and just having that inner peace and ask Allah for barakah in your time. Ask Allah for barakah. It's like oh, allah, as Allah for barakah, use me for your service. Use me however you want. I'm at your service. Enable me to fulfill this. Hafmah deen. Just feel. I think sometimes, again, when you attach yourself to the lord of the worlds, it feels less about, you feel less insecure, you feel less, you feel something is missing out. You feel like alhamdulillah, if I've got Allah, who else do I want? If I haven't got Allah, who else? If I'm married, who else? If I'm married, it won't fulfill me. I think just that is very powerful.
Speaker 3:Yeah, barakah.
Speaker 1:No, I just love how you expanded upon the definition of barakah, because when I think about barakah and this is also part of Islam, where it's this idea of barakah is just getting more with less. But barakah is also much more than that, and the hadith that always comes to mind is the incident when the Prophet fed I believe it was hundreds of companions just from. I believe it was a bowl of milk, and it just it wouldn't, it wouldn't stop. And so we we take from that and sometimes we just have this narrow minded view of Barakah where I'm just getting so much more, so much more from less. But it's much more than that too, as you were just explaining. Sorry, hiba, you want to say something.
Speaker 3:I was just going to comment on what you said, Brother Muhammad, about Barakah in time. I feel we're all lacking that these days. Like I feel like we are all on autopilot these days and we don't remember what we did yesterday. Like yesterday we were trying to remember what we did the day before, and why are we so tired? And we couldn't even remember. It took us a moment. So do you see that happening often, or is it just, I don't know? Married people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's two ways of looking at it. First, from a macro perspective. I'll put it that way. You know, there's this hadith that we all need to be aware of and, of course, it's part of the sign end of times, right, the hour Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam taught us. The hour will not come until a year feels like a month, a month will feel like a week, a week will feel like a day and a day will feel like an hour, and an hour will feel like a flick of a flame, right, and I'm sure we've all kind of experienced that. And at the same time, we also know the hadith says if the final hour is approaching and you have in your hand a sapling or a small palm tree planted right, so it's yes, we are approaching, right, and of course, we're not getting away from day of qiyamah. We're getting close. Every day can close day of qiyamah. So, in general, that's what the feeling we're feeling, and the modernity and the way things are going, and everyone's expressing that. However, instead of looking at the hadith and kind of feeling despair, like oh my god, that's it, the qiyamah is coming game over guys, is actually we should, if anything, double down on this idea of barakah and seeking barakah in our day. So I talk about you know, when you feel you in this tornado of life these calls, meetings, messages, kids, and you're like what happened, it's like when you feel in the middle of a storm drop your anchors. What are your anchors? Salah is your anchor. Make sure you have that established, salah in your day. Quran is your anchor. Have that time for Quran. Really, kind of, make that time for Quran. I know it's busy and you can't make that time for quran. I know it's busy and you can't make that time for adhkar is your anchor? Make that time for dhikr. Like these spiritual anchors, kind of like at least give you the navigation where we are. What happened yesterday at least right, but if we just let go of these anchors, we'll be that tornado and we'll be spit out at a weekend thinking whoa, where that we come from. So us, as part of, as part of this engaging in this end of time moment, in this moment, feel like there's the hours, the time is slipping by dropping the spiritual anchors will actually add more Barakah, will actually experience Barakah.
Speaker 2:Also, to notice the Barakah in your life Sometimes we just don't notice it. In my workshops they put your Barakah goggles on right, and sometimes we just look around see how much barakah if you have stability in your day. You have a normal day, no issues, you know normal, alhamdulillah. Let's say, husband, wife, no, no buchering today, like everyone's happy, you're happy, the wife she's alhamdulillah, that's barakah, right, no major issues. If you have, uh, kids are happy, kids are healthy, your mental health, your physical health, alhamdulillah. Stability, that's barakah. If you're able to do good work every day and show up for salah and do your quran and do your adhkar and do good work and have, that's barakah. Just have this increase or some massive thing sometimes, just you know us fulfilling our duties to being the best version of ourselves every day, that's barakah itself. So I hope that this kind of helps with the idea of like, how, how do you find that time? Drop your spiritual anchors and put your burqa goggles on inshallah.
Speaker 3:Inshallah. I personally I'm going to. I'm already taking a lot with me from this interview. I'm sure a lot of listeners are as well but yeah, anchoring ourselves. Another question, which is growth, self-growth. A lot of people are trying to do self-growth, especially singles. They're using their single days to grow, which is great, but not every growth is productive. I'm sure you know that. What are some productivity mistakes you see, especially amongst especially amongst single muslims?
Speaker 2:question. I think it again comes down back to intentions. What's the intention behind what you're doing, right? Um, let's say, I'll decide to run a marathon, okay, I can train, I can do ironman triathlon. Okay, good, I'm nothing wrong with it. You become stronger, become fitter, that's great. What's the nia right? And I think sometimes we don't think about nia as much like, well, yeah, nia is to become stronger. Okay, how can you make it about allah's hand? How can you connect to it to at least an angle?
Speaker 2:I have this thing called the hierarchy of intentions. Um, it's in my book about sometimes I do things purely for financial world, the game, right. So let's talk about self-growth. So I might do self-growth, I learn new skills, I develop, you know, uh, physical abilities. Anything for pure financial world gains, nothing wrong with it, it's halal. But could you upgrade your intentions? So, okay, well, maybe the financial world again is not the main driver. But I like to think the reputation thing oh, mashallah, you know she's a triathlete. Oh, mashallah, you know she runs a business. She's entrepreneur. Mashallah, he's. Um, he's, he's learned, learned this new, he got another degree or something right.
Speaker 2:Something kind of becomes about reputation and fame, right, and again, nothing wrong with it. The problem with that is that, though, if you're successful, right, you feel some of the imposter syndrome, right, because you feel well, maybe I don't deserve it. Feel well, maybe I don't deserve it. And if you are successful, you feel guilty and envy of others who achieve the same success. And same with financial world again. If you achieve the financial world again let's say you make the million dollars or you run the marathon there's a euphoria you feel, and then a few days later it dissipates. If you don't achieve, you feel frustrated. So it never lasts. These intentions, low intentions with the financial world again, reputation. Intentions with the financial world again, reputation, fame. It never lasts. And then comes a third level. It's a feel-good factor. I do it because it just feels good. Okay again, nothing wrong with it, alhamdulillah, it's good. But again, if it's only feel good in this dunya sense it's, it's always temporary, it's it never feel like it lasts.
Speaker 2:What you want to do is upgrade intentions to connect to the akhirah. To connect to the Akhirah, to connect to the everlasting, to connect away to your real home where you're going back to. So how can I make my goals, my self-growth, aligned with my real end goal, which is my spirituality, to become a better version of myself spiritually. This does not mean only Ibadat, right. This does not mean only, you know, entering the seminary and studying, becoming a scholar. It means across all areas of what are the talents Allah has given me. How can I cultivate that talent for the service of others, for the benefit of others? How can I improve myself spiritually? How can I create a sadaqah jariyah? How can I please Allah through this time that I have? So I think, that sort of level of thinking.
Speaker 2:Maybe people think, oh, you're complicating it, I just want to run a marathon, leave me alone. I'm like I'll just run a marathon, no problem. But really, if you want to make the most of the self-growth moment, of these moments, the higher the intention, the higher we call high him intention. You know, oma needs high him. High him is high aspiration. I think, unfortunately, sometimes we become so self-centered, so-centered, so about me myself, and I even call we call it self-growth right. It's about me myself and I, versus thinking how can I be a better app so I can serve others and be better? Others help the umma? And I feel like we need to upgrade our intentions beyond just our kind of like um, I hate to say this word. It's called selfish reasons, right. So me myself and I, so my marriage, about my works, about my family, versus what's our role in the bigger picture of things. I mean it's gonna.
Speaker 3:You think along those lines might sound like big talk, but I feel like if just by you, my setting intentions can be very powerful so I feel like a lot of us honestly including me we've settled for mediocrity, and, whether it's Ibadah-wise, whether it's worldly-wise, we've just settled for mediocrity. And yeah, at least I'm praying, at least I'm not drinking, when we could be doing so much more as a Ummah.
Speaker 2:Yes, I talk about three issues that really affect us, ummah, in terms of reducing our Hechimah. One is triviality. Trivial things, right, tiktoks, scrolls, reels that keep us addicted for hours. So true, we follow trivial matters, we feel what celebrities are doing. I hate to say this. People might, might I might, be controversial, you might lose listeners, but if I say this, but sports sometimes right, it becomes so. Triviality unfortunately becomes our obsession, and this becomes our again. Nothing wrong, enjoying a period of game, fine, but it becomes an obsession. What a player is doing and who's sold to who and like la ilaha illallah, is that really the most important thing at this point in time?
Speaker 2:Triviality, second you mentioned, is mediocrity, right, doing things mediocre, not being ihsan. If you're going to say you're going to learn baking, make sure you're going to learn how to make a cup of chai. Make the best cup of chai in the world. Really, have ihsan, bring ihsan in everything you do. Mediocrity, and the third, which is most dangerous, is comfort-seeking. Muhammad used to say I don't worry about you, about poverty, but I fear for you, zarakha. Ease the Sahaba are tested by hardship. We're tested by ease. The Sahaba are tested by hardship, we're tested by ease. And I think this test is harder because it's so comfortable, so easy and I've made difficulty make it very difficult.
Speaker 3:So what was it?
Speaker 2:Mediocrity, comfort and Triviality and comfort seeking.
Speaker 3:Wow. The way to overcome them is again, taqwa right.
Speaker 2:So taqwa, you're God conscious. The way to overcome them is again taqwa. So taqwa, you're God conscious. If you just go on Facebook and say I'm God conscious, it will feel like a waste of time. If I scroll YouTube, it's almost like it's beneath you. I'm a slave of God. I'm meant for higher things, and mediocrity is about I need to submit my work to Allah, not to myself, not to my boss. I'm a slave to God. I'm meant for higher things, and mediocrity is about I need to submit my work to Allah SWT, not to myself, not to my boss, not to my client, not to my followers. It's to Allah SWT. So will Allah accept this? That takes you to a whole high level.
Speaker 2:And then comfort seeking is you're willing to go through uncomfortable things for the sake of Allah SWT? That's why Allah was trying to talk about in the quran that fighting has been written for you and he hated. He knew that. Of course, no one likes to go and fight and lose a limb and get hurt and die and and painful, but he goes. Perhaps you might hate something or dislike something. It's good for you sometimes, even when it comes to comfort seeking. Being uncomfortable is good for you. And ask anyone who's in who goes to the gym. Right, it's uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:When you go running it's uncomfortable, but that that being uncomfortable is actually good for your own growth and development that's so true, I was just gonna say I hear life, the people and other right now have nailed all three things I was avoiding to go on to that tangent because some of what you're saying relates to that genocide that's happening right now.
Speaker 1:Um, but yeah, it's just. That's so true, and I've never really thought of comfort being a test. Also, because I run into cases where, especially guys like, I'm good where I am right now, I've got my job, you know, I've got my one bedroom apartment, I don't need the additional stress of marriage. I'm good, you know my life is comfortable right now. But that is a test, right? Just like you're saying, and people don't realize that and that they just don't want to step out of that comfort zone because getting married is uncomfortable, getting married is challenging. You have to go through the uncomfortable things of meeting in-laws and and figuring out, you know, your future and all of those things. So I love how you and it's where you grow.
Speaker 2:It's honestly where you grow because by going through those tough decisions or going through that process, honestly for a guy that's how you become a man, right, and for ladies you become a woman you actually grow as a person. And oh, now I'm a family person, I'm a father, now I'm a husband, I'm a wife. Suddenly the role changes and you see yourself grow. You literally grow. But it grows through that process. Yeah, it does let's. You see yourself grow, but it grows through that process.
Speaker 3:Yeah, let's talk finances now, you know, financial stress is one of the the biggest causes For failure in marriage. I would say, or tension in marriage. So, from a productivity standpoint, what are some Habits? What financial habits should a Muslim Grow before getting married? So, from a productivity standpoint, what are some habits? What financial habits should a Muslim grow before getting married?
Speaker 2:So I'm not a financial expert, so I don't want to claim to know much about a financial expert, but what I can share again is this idea of the mindset, the values and the rituals. Is this idea of the mindset, the values and the rituals right? One of the mindsets that helps when it comes to finances is having this abundance mindset that you know there is enough. Allah is generous and he will give us from a way we don't expect and from what we expect. And there is barakah in marriage and this is everyone we've got. I will tell you like I didn't know how we went. We were, you know, especially people like struggling students, and they got married and, subhanallah, things opened up. So there's definitely barakah. And there's barakah in children, and I've heard this many times from people learning about how more children brings barakah as well. So there's scarcity mindset, again, different worldviews. A lot of the modern economic theory is based that resources are scarce and therefore you have to make choices and decisions based on that. As a Muslim, we actually think resources are abundant from Allah SWT. That's why the Quran says ุงูุดูุทุงู ูุนูุฏูู ุงูููุฑ, ููุฃู ุฑูู ุงููุญุดุงุก. ูุงููู ูุนูุฏูู ู ุบูุฑุฉ ู ูู ููุถูู. ูุงููู ุฃุณูุน ุนููู Shay ููููุถููู ููุงูููููู ููุงุณูููุนููููู ู. Shaytan promises you poverty, like he makes poverty, like all sphere poverty, right and he calls for transgression. That's why people get into riba, that's why people get into things that are not halal, because they think, well, that's how the world works. I got to align with that. The second one is that Allah promises you and father like the bounty. So we need to have the abundance mindset, approach your marriage with abundance mindset From a values perspective. Right, knowing FMA marriages, someone reminded me of this recently. It was very powerful. He said remember, the best money you spend is the money you spend on your family. This is especially for the guys, right, the best sadaqah you do, the best sadaqah you do, is the sadaqah you spend on your family. So, already, this idea of being generous. Now, of course, yes, being responsible, yes, not being spendthrift, yes, not overdoing it, but generosity, having this abundant generosity and when things are tough, say, hey, things have been tough right now, let's tighten up a little bit, but, inshallah, we'll work it out. So, generosity, let's, let's tighten up a little bit, but let's, shall we work it out. So, generosity, having the communication and then the rituals, like even simple things.
Speaker 2:Like you know, I use a. I'm a big fan of the wine app. App, right, you know you're in the budgetscom. It's a brilliant app.
Speaker 2:You just literally every week I sit in, I plan, look at what income comes in, I rearrange, okay, where will I spend money? Well, not spend money, what's happening? How can I fix any deficit? And it gives a very even. It's great to spend with your time with your spouse, to share. That again depends some. That's where you need to understand your spouse better. Some spouses don't want to know the financial situation for them. That gets too stressful, they can't handle it. Others, yeah, they would like to know and like to be involved and like, especially if they also earn, so income earning. So having these conversations can be very, very powerful as well, like the roles, responsibilities, the, how it approaches it.
Speaker 2:And again, always think of the islamic worldview, right, the islamic worldview upon is the man to spend on his family, right that? That? That view is clear. Fortunately, we can. We put western values and then we try to slumicize them. Then we end up having really hard issues. No, taking as man, you're responsible financially. If the woman she's income-earning, she wants to spend, that's up to her, but you are responsible. So, again, growth for the masculinity and health. Masculinity comes in where you, as a man, need to be responsible, you need to earn, you need to work, you need to develop your skills and grow, and that comes with that process.
Speaker 1:So sometimes marriage happens quickly and for a lot of people it feels like a long, never ending wait. So what are some productive ways a person can use their waiting period if marriage is delayed longer than they hoped?
Speaker 2:I mean again, this is what comes back. I come back to the idea of intentions what's your high himma right? So now, instead of wasting our time with triviality, mediocrity, what's the high himma thing that you can focus on? What sort of service? So there's two things. There's two roles we have in life. We have the abd of Allah, we are the slave of Allah and and we are Allah's Khalifa. Allah is always like public servant. We're His public officer, which means we're here to serve His creation. So there's a vertical line, there's a horizontal line. So if you're only approving either both of these, as long as I increase my spirituality, increase my development, I'm getting Allah's Khalifa and I'm serving and I'm helping and I'm volunteering and I'm being an active member. What you do want to do is let marriage be the excuse for not developing vertical or horizontal.
Speaker 2:This news comes from either because of resentment and it happens Sometimes. You doubt it comes in. I made dua, I made dua, nothing's happening. I start doubting Allah. I start thinking maybe I'm not a good person, all this stuff. What you want to do is fight the whispers of Shaitan. Get yourself busy with improving spirituality and get yourself busy in service of creation and inshaAllah Ta'ala again. If it's khair for you, if it's good for you, allah will provide from what you don't expect inshaAllah.
Speaker 3:So sometimes marriage exposes a lot of bad habits we didn't know we had. I'm sure all married people feel the same way. Now what are some systems or routines single Muslims can establish to help them before getting married?
Speaker 2:To help them know those issues, or just be brave.
Speaker 3:To serve them in their marriage later, Like if they have bad habits they're not aware of.
Speaker 2:I think I will say that honestly. Sometimes you need that mirror, right, and marriage is that mirror and sometimes without a mirror, it's hard. You can't tell, you won't know. Oh, wow, I didn't know this about myself, right, I'll share, I'll be honest. My wife tells, like I'm not an emotionally person, I don't share emotions. Right, I'm very, you know, like, maybe as a man, I don't know I just don't share emotions. She's like a real like, yes, it's okay, it's like why, why don't you share it? I like I never knew that about myself, it only when I got married. We're like, oh, wow, yeah, why, why, I struggle to, to share emotion, I struggle with real emotional empathy, like, I struggle with that. So sometimes just seeing that having a mirror is what reflects right now, what you need to be ready for is being is how to take that right, how to take that feedback right, being okay to being quote, unquote, criticized, right, right, not taking it personally.
Speaker 2:Another habit, again very healthy in marriage, is knowing when to speak and when to keep silent, right, that's a huge, that's a skill. Sometimes you don't want to add fuel to the fire. You know sometimes being quiet, sometimes saying, and you know having that disconnect time go out, go pray, go to, go to, and then come back and then resolve any conflict, like having this conflict resolution skills and put it that way, or just the idea of I know when to sort of. You know, sometimes our tongues are so loose, we just had fields of fire. Maybe something could have been dealt with easily. It became this huge thing because I didn't control my tongue.
Speaker 2:Another one is also to understand, kind of like again, what, what are those things that that trigger you right, and why they trigger you. Maybe it's not actually your spouse, maybe it's something that you need to deal with yourself you haven't dealt with, um, so that's where mental health comes in, it's where understanding yourself, who you are asking allah for help to deal with something that you struggle with. So what is it about the? Why am I struggling with this issue and not not just always blaming it on the other person? So these are skills um, these are called hard skills, soft skills when I put it that really help you for during, after marriage and it can make a make a difference, shall I tell you, to the marriage I myself didn't know.
Speaker 3:Honestly, I was such a critical person before we got married. I always used to think that my mom is critical and why is she criticizing dad so much? Why did you bring this, why didn't you bring that? And once we got married, I'm like oh my God, I take after her so much, but that's possible.
Speaker 2:And you're able to reflect and say, oh wow, when you detach yourself and seeing that you're like, well, actually I'm struggling with this, and then sharing that, saying you know what? I know that this was a surprise. I don't know why I'm struggling with this. Why am I so harsh? Why am I snappy today, Like just even saying that in your marriage, like people, oh okay. So you Sometimes, even if your partner doesn't want to bring it up because it doesn't make it worth it, just observing yourself is actually very powerful. It's great because it shows that you are also growing and learning. You're not perfect as well.
Speaker 3:Excellent, Quick some firework questions. Yeah, do you have other questions you wanted to ask before we go to that.
Speaker 1:No, I was going to go to the rapid fire questions.
Speaker 3:Okay, so time for Iskikara.
Speaker 1:Quick answer. Quick answers what's one unproductive thing you secretly love doing? Oh gosh.
Speaker 2:I caught him off guard. Unproductive thing I secretly love doing. I secretly love doing, I guess, in my morning coffee. I don't think it takes too long. I take like a half an hour just making my coffee it's like you know, with beans and getting all the things right. It's like we could have done a lot in a half an hour. Yeah, that's my guilty pleasure there.
Speaker 3:Finally somebody understands. Zaid always says you can have your coffee in the morning while you do work. I'm like no, this is like my time it's my indulgence exactly what's the weirdest productivity hack you've ever heard of?
Speaker 2:weirdest productivity hack I've ever heard of gosh. I think I've come across all of them. I'm turning blank. I don't know why I'm going blank.
Speaker 3:I'm really turning blank no problem, no problem let's jump to the next one, one Islamic historical figure you think would have crushed it at time management say it again one historical Islamic figure who you think would have crushed it at time management?
Speaker 2:Imam Nowi. He lived to the age of 40 and produced volumes of books. I wrote two books and I'm like I'm done. He wrote volumes of books and he must have crushed it, mashallah okay the last one sure um productivity sin multitasking, procrastinating or over scheduling?
Speaker 1:which one are you most guilty of, multitasking?
Speaker 3:is that a good thing, by the way? I know, because we always hear like productive people multitask, but then you're here at the same time. No, you should be focused on one thing and one thing it's, it's again.
Speaker 2:It's interesting. So it's the promise that you can do more. Right, but it's. But actually you said, when you actually do one thing at a time, the quality is way better versus trying to multiple things at a time. So it's definitely quality. The switching cost is higher, is lower, um, so one thing at a time is definitely better. But again, one of those things that you, just you, just again, your nefs wants it okay, before we let you go, this question is really for me.
Speaker 3:I want to know how to wake up early. I've tried every hack out there and it doesn't work.
Speaker 2:All right, bismillah, let's do it. So again back to the. I'm going to get back to foundations and build from there. So, number one orient yourself as a abd of Allah or amma of Allah, of course. If a orient yourself as a abd of allah or amma of allah, of course, my woman is amma of allah. Like I am a slave of god, I I belong to him, so I orient myself towards that, okay. Number two is, um, understand your energy levels. Understand sort of how your energy levels. Are you a more morning person? Night person is that?
Speaker 3:I mean, it's really the night person I'm a morning person, but not too early of a morning person. Like I don't know, 9 am morning person okay, you're more of a night person no, no that's fine, that's fine.
Speaker 2:I think I recently read that it's not about morning people, there's not much difference in morning folks, night folks. It's actually a few hours difference, not a big difference. We all think it's a big difference and a lot to blame is, uh, at home. Try to dim the lights early, right? So when you're home, so dim the lights. So if you, if you're in the summer, of course the days are longer, but try as much time by, let's say, 6, 7 pm, three, four hours for sleep. You kind of black out the sun, you kind of dim, put some dim light, not bright overhead lights, that helps to produce melatonin so you can sleep earlier. Number three is to sleep according to sleep cycles, meaning recognize you have 90 minutes, you go through 90-minute sleep cycles, so set your alarm at the end of one of your sleep cycles. So let's say you sleep at 10 pm and let's say Frederick is at 4 am.
Speaker 2:Okay, how many sleep cycles can I fit in between 10 am and 4 am and go 10 to 11.30, 11.30 till 1, 1 till 2.30, and 2.30 till 4. So it's four sleep cycles. Great, Set your alarm at the end of the last one, so at 4 o'clock, Because what happens is that when we set the end according to sleep cycles, when we finish a sleep cycle before we get a new one, we are near consciousness, which means it will's much easier to wake up. But if you wake up, you set your alarm in the middle of a sleep cycle. It's like a laptop Wake up from a hard shutdown versus just the sleep right, the quick open-up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So that's another one that becomes sleep cycles Again. Focus on sleep hygiene, right? So things like get some sunlight in the morning Again. Gene, right. So things like get some sunlight in the morning again. That helps you set your circadian rhythm. Ideally, watch the sunrise. Uh, watch sun because sunset is late in summer is a bit weird because of lateness, but definitely watch sunrise if you're able to see with the naked eye. Just see you sunrise. That helps reset your biological clock. Grounding so barefoot on earth helps you reset biological clock, helps to sleep better at night. A warm bath before bed helps as well. What else is there?
Speaker 2:So, again, these are all hacks that get you to the ultimate level of again. And you're doing this not because of biohacking. You do this because your intention is to wake up Fajr, right, so you set your intentions Again back to the three-part equation. You set your intentions right, back to the three-part equation. You set your intentions Right Allah will make a fajr or tahajjud or whatever you want to make it for. You take the means all this biohacking, sleep cycles, watch the sunrise, grounding, warm bath, dim the lights. You're taking all the means and you seek Allah's permission, right, allah, allow me. Right, allah, allow me right, invite me, allow me to get up. And this is where, when you wake up, it's not because of you. He literally allowed you to get up, he literally invited you. So when you have that, you're like oh, okay, wow. And let's say you went through all that and then you missed it. Okay, remember that you've done your best. You get rewarded for that.
Speaker 2:Hear the story the Sahaba themselves and Rasul Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam came back from a battle and Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam told Bilal make sure you wake up for Fajr. Now they just came back from the battle, they're tired. So Bilal said I stood up and I was trying to make sure I see the sunrise, I wake them up. And I put my head on the sword because I fell down. He slept and they all woke up after sunrise. So you just imagine Muhammad and his Sahaba missing Fajr, like you're missing Fajr, like you're missing man. Just shock and horror. And Bilal said yeah, bilal, what happened? He goes. Ya Rasulullah, whatever happened to me happened to you. I mean, it's like we got the same thing. We got sleep. So they said it's okay, get up and pray, let so being that, you've done, you've done everything right, you've made the intentions, you've taken the means, ask allah and know this was you, know it was not meant, and you try again, again, keep trying again and inshallah make it easy for you really finding a big work with people.
Speaker 3:Where can people find you, where can they find your book and how can they connect with you?
Speaker 2:so of course, you can find us on ProductiveMuslimcom. I send a newsletter twice a week. If you go to ProductiveMuslimcom forward slash newsletter, that's where you get the latest about what we're doing. And, of course, we're on social media, although not very active, to be honest, but we're on social media. I'm more active on LinkedIn. You can find me more on LinkedIn, inshaallah ta'ala. And yeah, you can find my books. Wherever you get your books. There's Amazon, there's like bookstores, there's Audible, there's Kindle You'll get it all.
Speaker 3:InshaAllah, inshaAllah.
Speaker 1:Alright, inshaAllah.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much for this beautiful interview, Seriously a lot to think about, a lot to implement and a lot to grow from. May Allah accept it.
Speaker 1:And for those yes, and for those listening, you know, inshallah. We hope this benefited you and if there's a change that you're going to make in your life, definitely put it in the comment section. We'd love to hear about it, and may Allah put barakah in your work and may he allow to impact more people around the world okay, beautiful listeners, see you next time.