Diary of a Matchmaker

How Our Naivety Almost Killed Our Business

• Halal Match • Episode 71

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This is the story of how our big idea for Muslim matchmaking nearly backfired. We set out to create the ultimate premium experience, convinced that generosity and effort would guarantee results. Instead, we discovered that the real obstacle wasn’t bad matches but unready hearts. What looked like dream opportunities often ended with hesitation, doubt, or a belief that something better might come along. In this episode, we share the mistakes that nearly sank us, the turning point that reshaped our approach, and the surprising truths about why readiness matters more than perfection. If you’ve ever wondered why good connections slip away, this one’s for you.

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Speaker 1:

Once upon a time, we were like Netflix, uber, eats and a marriage coach rolled into one, All for the price of actually for free most of the time.

Speaker 2:

It sounded premium. It looked premium, but in reality, it nearly killed our business and taught us a lot about what single Muslims actually need in their search. Assalamualaikum, I'm Hiba.

Speaker 1:

And I'm Zaid.

Speaker 2:

You're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.

Speaker 1:

A podcast that will take you into our world as matchmakers.

Speaker 2:

We'll share our experiences and offer advice for the single Muslim.

Speaker 1:

So let's dive in. Bismillah, assalamu alaikum everyone. Welcome back to another episode.

Speaker 2:

Assalamu alaikum.

Speaker 1:

So do we still pamper our clients? Should we still keep pampering our clients?

Speaker 2:

Everybody likes to be pampered.

Speaker 1:

True, but are we happy pampering our clients anymore?

Speaker 1:

Yes, we are, but we're pampering our clients in a different way, right, not like how we used to, and there's a reason for that, and we're going to dive into those reasons very soon.

Speaker 1:

And the reason we want to dive into that is because through our journey, through the changes of our service model, we've just learned so many lessons about people's readiness, or lack of readiness, actually for marriage, and that people are just at various stages in their journey and we as matchmakers have to cater to each of our clients individually and understand where they are in their journeys, right, and so that's a crucial part of our work. So why don't we just start from the beginning? When we were first envisioning Halal Match, we well, actually it first started off as a matrimonial event type of service, but aside from that, we moved on towards this grand ideal, beautiful double date approach, right, where we would find matches for our clients and then wine and dine them. And I remember when we first had our first double date and both the clients said yes about moving forward, we were just hunting for, like these, bougie fancy restaurants, but the problem with fine dining is that it's not halal.

Speaker 1:

We haven't come across halal fine dining yet uh, I think I saw a few on halal or nothing. Yeah, but that's besides the point. It was very hard to find and I remember we were just driving around the gta, we were driving to different neighborhoods checking out the cuisine, like we really wanted to make sure that this first double date was going to be special. Yeah, yeah and um, and we stuck with that and even though it was very difficult in the beginning, we stuck with that year after year after year. What was the intention behind the double date approach, besides just pampering our clients and just giving them a very premium experience?

Speaker 2:

To put them in this environment where they're actually bonding and connecting face-to-face over nice food, over curated activities that we provided them. It's just like to veer away a little bit from the virtual thing and the online thing and just bring back this like human connection Exactly.

Speaker 1:

And also to add to that, to give massive value. We wanted our clients to understand that, as matchmakers, even though you're paying, I would say, relatively less than other professional matchmakers, Way less. Way less Right? Actually, you're right, because we want way less right? Actually you're right. Um, we wanted to give as much value to our clients so that they could come away and saying, god, you guys are worth way more than what I paid for that's the kind of experience we wanted to give to our clients.

Speaker 2:

Give more, you get more. That was our conviction, and we actually dedicated an entire episode explaining this model. Uh, remember this episode was titled how we turn profiles into, so in that episode we dived even deeper into this model.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So, to summarize, give massive value, build a human-to-human connection, build a goodwill with our clients so they would spread the word and just understand that the more we gave, the more clients would appreciate it and give back in terms of support.

Speaker 1:

Testimonials things like that yeah, but in reality, yes, many were unappreciative, so many some were very self-entitled, uh, very disappointed. Oh, and bear in mind, actually we didn't even review the double date thoroughly. But, um, just to give you guys a quick summary, clients would not be paying for the meal they wouldn't be paying for the double date itself yeah, they wouldn't be paying for the double date itself, unless and until after the double date.

Speaker 2:

Both clients said yes yes, I want to move forward and get to know them better not.

Speaker 1:

Yes, I want to marry them.

Speaker 2:

Yes, yeah, exactly and at some point, like we were super crazy on it we, we were naive.

Speaker 1:

We were naive, generous and just. We were putting our heart and soul into this.

Speaker 2:

At some point we were offering, even after they say yes, if they come back, or one of them come back within a week and saying oh, we had a phone call, we met and we're just not aligned or something, we would give them a full refund, exactly so. Just to summarize we took would give them a full refund, exactly so just to summarize we took them out on a double date.

Speaker 1:

They both said yes about exchanging contact information, further assessing compatibility, they had a phone call on their own and then they came back and said, no, it didn't work out, we want our money back. So we would lose money on the commute to the dinner, lose money on the dinner itself, just the commute to the dinner, lose money on the on the dinner itself, or just our time, our time, all of that work, because we just why were we doing this?

Speaker 2:

I don't know, we were just so naive we were just trying to give as much value as possible and not come off as people who were just trying to make money exactly like yeah, the last thing we wanted is for people to think we're just like this is just a business, and I mean it is a business, but it's a business that's, that comes from a place of caring passion, and this is something we know we're good at.

Speaker 1:

Right, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

And but what happened? It backfired.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so we went from seven day refund to I think we did a two week refund. And then finally, we were just like two day refund Two day, yeah. And then finally we were just like two day refund, two day I can, yeah, 48 hours, yeah. And then finally we just went back to saying okay, no, we're just going to charge them for the double date if they both said yes, which was the original model yeah and then that went on for a while and finally we just said you know what this?

Speaker 1:

because the results we were getting was that a most clients were not saying yes after the double date, even though they were very compatible. On paper they were compatible. Um, I mean, after presenting the matches to them on a virtual call, they would say yes, that we. I see a lot of values aligning, I feel an attraction to the pictures, so we would be surprised after the double date and keep in mind it's a three-hour double date yes, exactly so we'd be surprised after the double date, and keep in mind it's a three-hour double date.

Speaker 2:

Yes, exactly so we'd be surprised after the double date that they would say no, and sometimes it was over the silliest of reasons, I swear yeah like um, oh, I want to get married the next year, she wants to get married this year, or something like that, or I can't promise that I'm gonna have kids or not, and he's looking to have kids well, nobody can nobody can promise, unless you have, like, an infertility problem, which I can understand.

Speaker 1:

So the point is is that people were at various stages in their journey.

Speaker 1:

Right, and it's with some people they were just figuring out, like a very recent one in fact. Um, this girl was said she was open to relocating, uh, to outside of her country just to keep the details as vague as possible and the brother lived in the states, so, and she said she was open to relocating to the states, and we exchanged contact information. Based on that information, they both said yes about moving forward and then, I think maybe two and a half to three weeks later, she emailed us and the brother emailed us saying I'm no longer interested in moving to the States. I changed my mind. I would prefer to find a match closer to my area. And we were just shocked because this was disheartening for the brother. We promised the brother, saying you know that she is definitely open to relocating. Now, unfortunately, she changed her mind. So the reason I'm bringing up this story and other stories is because people are at various stages of their life and with this specific sister, for example, she was still going through the self discovery process yeah, all right.

Speaker 2:

It's not like she had a bad intention or anything, no, nothing like that.

Speaker 1:

But she was at a stage in life where she was trying to figure out is she okay living away from her family, is she not? Uh, does she have other deal breakers? And as frustrating it is on on us. In our time we had to just understand that people are at different stages and I know I'm repeating myself, but we have to structure a model that's conducive to that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah Right, so that's why we switched Okay.

Speaker 1:

And what's the new model? The?

Speaker 2:

new model is we introduce the match to you over a virtual call. We share their information about themselves from their profile, we show you pictures, we show you a video introduction so you get to see how they talk, how they smile, how they express themselves, express themselves, all of that. And if you say yes, then we do the same thing with the match. If the match says yes, then we would release contact information after getting paid for that so you pay us a register, a fee.

Speaker 2:

We release contact information and we wish you the best of luck.

Speaker 1:

Exactly, and through that we understood that our clients as beautiful and grand as it sounds, sitting with our clients and facilitating the double date, our clients didn't really need that.

Speaker 2:

Maybe most of them didn't Most of them didn't.

Speaker 1:

They felt mature enough and responsible enough to assess compatibility on their own, so all they needed was just contact information, maybe just a presentation of their potential match.

Speaker 2:

Answering their questions. Answering their questions.

Speaker 1:

And just do some mini coaching here and there. But the legwork they were able to do on their own and so far it's allowed us to be sustainable. We've had some. I don't think we've had any success just yet with the new model because it is still relatively new, yeah, um, but we're happy with it and it's working with our clients.

Speaker 1:

I mean one client, for example, said yes, and then it didn't work out for whatever reason. And um, he found somebody on his own and he reached out to us and said I thank you for all your help. I found somebody on my own, but I was really.

Speaker 2:

He was essentially very happy with our service and was willing to give us a testimony he said that like working with you guys was like very integral to me finding actually my oh yeah, I forgot that because so when we release contact information, we just we don't just do that, we also give you um, our compatibility challenge for free.

Speaker 2:

So you're not having awkward conversations with the brother or the sister. You have tools at your disposal to get to know them, ask the the deeper questions in a, in a fun way, an interactive way, and we also give you the uh personality test results of your match. So you know what you're working with. And we give you their love language result as well their love language, I mean. And so you have all these tools.

Speaker 1:

You're not just working with an abstract thing, I guess if you're overwhelmed and burdened and just don't know where to seek help, let us help you. We can be your personal matchmakers. Visit us at halalmatchca and book a free call with us.

Speaker 2:

So if you're listening, maybe from Europe or from Kenya, and you're like, okay, guys, I know you work with single Muslims in North America and Britain, this doesn't relate to me at all, then we have a surprise for you. This does relate to you.

Speaker 1:

That's a good point, because the important takeaway, or one of the important takeaways, is that self-work is important, but it shouldn't come at someone else's expense. Right, and that's how we felt that, and it was because of our naivete also that not understanding that people are at various stages. But, um, when you're doing the self-work, or if you're just starting on this journey, trying to find a match, there is a lot of self-work that needs to be done. Before you jump onto a matrimony website, before hiring a matchmaker, before jumping onto WhatsApp groups.

Speaker 2:

Before starting talking to people and people investing in you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so that self-work. No one can do that for you. Yeah, you have to do it for yourself.

Speaker 1:

Exactly.

Speaker 2:

And, like you don't want people to invest in you whether it's a matchmaker or whether it's a suit or a potential spouse you don't want people investing in you and you also investing and wasting your time, people's time, only to discover that, oh, actually I'm not sure about this. I think I need to do more work, more self-work on that yeah, yeah, we were just so.

Speaker 1:

We had so many conversations about shutting down halal match. We were so burned out, uh, because all of our clients not all of our clients, but many clients uh saying no after the double date just for over silly reasons. Um, but alhamdulillah, the the change in our service model really um helped us and uh, it just put a sense of hope in our work and and just in general about moving forward with this work.

Speaker 2:

And you know, but even up till now you would still find people who have this self-entitlement. It just happened today.

Speaker 1:

So this incident took place just today, just within less than an hour ago. So this brother I'll try to keep the details as vague as possible he signed up with us about two months ago and, for those who don't know, the standard procedure in starting with us is, of course, a discovery call. You have to submit a lengthy registration form, two pictures, a clear body shot where we can see you from head to toe, a headshot, a video introduction of yourself, two tests, a personality test as well as a love language quiz, plus a contract and it does sound like a lot, but I'll explain that in a second and so this brother first submitted some pictures that weren't so great not at all, not at all.

Speaker 1:

And he also submitted a video where it just left us talking, where we were just saying does this brother, is this brother, excited about the idea of marriage?

Speaker 2:

so it was like 29 seconds barely 29 seconds, so we scheduled a call with the brother. Is this brother excited about the idea of marriage? So it was like 29 seconds, barely 29 seconds.

Speaker 1:

So we scheduled a call with the brother. We said, brother, could you please resubmit the pictures we? We need a good smile, we need to see you from head to toe, as well as a better video talking about who you are, what you bring to the table, all of those things that make you shine as a good match I'm laughing because remember what happened.

Speaker 2:

So the two pictures he uh sent to us. The headshot was cropped from the from the body shot.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that was frustrating, uh, nonetheless, and uh, sorry to interrupt.

Speaker 2:

So it's not like we're trying to be demanding, but the thing is, when we present you to someone like they need to see you in your best form, like first impressions do matter. It's not all about like heart and like having a good heart, no, like people are attracted to beauty, right?

Speaker 1:

Exactly, guys and girls.

Speaker 2:

Guys and girls. So it's not just like, okay, I have this box checked, I sent the pictures. Well, they need to be good pictures. Yeah, yeah, I agree.

Speaker 1:

And this is not vain? No, not at all. Um, so the he said, resubmitted the pictures. The pictures were were good, uh, but the video was not submitted to us yet. And weeks went by, weeks and weeks and weeks and suddenly we get an email today saying uh, from the brother requesting a refund. Uh, saying that he hasn't been able to submit the video yet and no service has been offered according to him, and that he wants a refund. So I'm we were just dumbfounded because we scheduled so many calls with this brother.

Speaker 1:

We reviewed his form we spent time, even like, writing very careful emails to convey this thought that we want good pictures without like coming off insensitive and clearly there was no regard for our time, for the work that we've put in trying to get him ready to begin his search. And there's just this entitlement, suddenly thinking oh, no service has been offered, so now I'm entitled to a refund. Nobody Like. What about the time that we've invested?

Speaker 2:

also. Is that not? Quote, unquote service it's not our problem. You just don't have time to make a video right and the analogy.

Speaker 1:

I'm sorry to interrupt you, but the analogy that you gave a really good one was would you buy an online course and then request a refund, saying I bought the course but I didn't use it, so can you please give me a refund?

Speaker 2:

I don't know what's up with muslims like I don't know, I don't know, I'm shocked we interact a lot with non-muslims and we don't see this, like we mentioned this before, but because, like we just keep seeing a pattern a a pattern. Every time it's not like, it's a coincidence, like what happened the other day as well, something similar.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, a brother. Yes, so we introduced a match to a brother and we're very clear about our deadlines because we've been taken advantage of before. So he said brother, you have exactly 24 hours to submit a form to us stating whether or not you want to move forward so that we can introduce your profile to a sister.

Speaker 1:

um, so we kept checking and kept checking to see if he had submitted the form, and he submitted the form past the deadline two hours I think it was two hours about it was around two hours past the deadline, which sounds trivial at first, but when you outline a strict deadline and then, on the form itself, it says you and you have to check this box before you submit the form it says you will be required to pay a late fee if this form is submitted past the deadline.

Speaker 2:

And it was also mentioned in the email we sent him.

Speaker 1:

And it's also on the contract. It's also on the contract.

Speaker 2:

It's also on the contract, exactly, exactly and we mentioned it on the video call itself.

Speaker 1:

Right, and it's only a 50 fee and we're not trying to be penny pinchers here, but we're trying to stick to a level of professionalism and uh and certain expectations. So when he submitted the form late, we emailed him saying thank you for submitting the form. First of all, he said no to the match. He did not give a clear reason why. And then we said, brother, you are still required to pay a late fee to us, given that it was submitted past the the deadline, and we won't be able to resume your search until you pay this fee there was no apology whatsoever no apology I had a work emergency.

Speaker 1:

That's it in fact, he was the one surprised and disappointed that we were charging him well, like you, check that box.

Speaker 2:

We told you, you mentioned, we mentioned it and this is just like to stay fair and consistent with other clients who had to pay. And what's he? What did he say after that?

Speaker 1:

I want to pause my search because I don't have time these days absolutely so apparently there's more important things like and on top of that, he still didn't give an apology, like no, so I mean these cases, they, I mean the list can go on and on.

Speaker 1:

Not, we've come across so many of these cases, and so what is the point here? The point is is that to make us not just sustainable, to keep our sanity alive and not just burn out, we had to create a model that was understanding of these situations, right People being unappreciative, people being self-entitled, not ready not ready going through the self-discovery process, going through the self-discovery process. So as grand of an idea as this double date approach was, it just was not conducive to the Muslims that we were working with.

Speaker 2:

Sometimes something could sound amazing on paper or in your head.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I remember I was so excited, we were so excited.

Speaker 2:

I would really love if that model worked because I enjoyed taking people out and just sitting with and you know, and it didn't even bother me that was paying for their meal like like it was just sitting with them and seeing them light up across their match like that human interaction, like I missed that yeah, the one thing that I also forgot to mention was that sometimes clients would get the perception or misunderstanding that somebody else was already lined up or available for them right.

Speaker 1:

So we would invest all this time, all this effort in preparing for the double date, presenting the match to them, driving out there, and just one small thing would seem off right, because nobody's a perfect match. And then after the double date, they would say no over some trivial reason and it just sometimes sent this message that, oh, you know, these matchmakers will probably have somebody else, so I don't mind. And given that the double date is free up front, maybe they just don't mind saying no and then waiting for somebody else to come along.

Speaker 2:

Maybe some people are always looking for no, maybe there's something better out there, maybe there's something better out there and just thinking from the perspective or the mindset of just comparing, it's like going to the mall and oh, I want to find the most beautiful purse out there.

Speaker 2:

So like they're treating, they're treating the whole process as like an exchange or like a shopping experience, and not thinking about the fact that, okay, maybe this person doesn't align with you on this and that, but he aligns with you on this long list of other important values. So it's not about like comparing oh, match number one has this and that, but doesn't have that and that, and match number two like it's not. It's not math at the end of the day right, it's, it's a human connection it's a human connection.

Speaker 2:

Like you're, like you would be lucky to find someone who aligns with you on the same values, who you both find each other attractive and who's serious about marriage. It's and it goes back also to something we always talk about it's the fact that we don't understand. We don't realize what a small minority we are here in the west and we think there's a huge pool of prospects out there. I'll just pass on this one.

Speaker 2:

We dedicate an episode exactly, and there's not, whether you live in the uk, in canada, in I don't know fr, and the funny thing is, even Muslims in Muslim majority countries, I think even they're struggling sometimes. Because of pickiness, because we're waiting for the perfect, miss, perfect, mrs Perfect.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So the point is that readiness isn't about age or checklist completion. It's about emotional preparedness and the ability to move forward when a good option is in front of you.

Speaker 2:

That's important. You always quote the ayah. This is exactly what it means the ability to move forward when a good option is in front of you. A lot of people, when there's a good option in front of them, they get scared, they freeze.

Speaker 1:

Or they run away. They're looking for a flaw. They're looking for a flaw. This is too good to be true.

Speaker 2:

There's gotta be something wrong here, just say Alhamdulillah and grab, grab onto this option that Allah sent you, this good option, like the message we're trying to give isn't a message of desperation just the first person that comes your way, just like we both did some sort of these kind of mistakes out of desperation when we were looking ourselves and we dedicated a recent episode about that.

Speaker 2:

Things we would do differently. But we're saying if there's a good prospect, if there's a person you genuinely align, you find each other attractive, then go like, don't be held by fear. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

There's so many takeaways that we want to give you guys. One thing and this more so in my personal life than I would say in my professional life is that generosity without boundaries leads to burnout.

Speaker 2:

Definitely.

Speaker 1:

And some people they're just givers and they're just very selfless people, right? And as service providers, especially when you're starting out, you just want to give, give, give, give, right, whether it's instagram, whether it's, you know, free calls, which is great in the beginning, but at some point you have to create boundaries because people on the receiving end, they won't be able to see the amount of work that you're putting in yeah so for them to appreciate it. Sometimes it's an unrealistic expectation yeah unless they're business owners too.

Speaker 1:

So they'll get it like you would just say, sharing the other day, that we never realize how much work goes into preparing food at a restaurant and we only realize that once we started our own food business.

Speaker 2:

Yeah right yeah, yeah so it's it's important to create boundaries um also on in your own search your single muslim woman man you're searching out there. It's important to set boundaries, especially in the beginning stages. Like generosity is good but, like you said, with boundaries yeah in the beginning stages.

Speaker 1:

Don't invest too much mentally, emotionally, even financially, until you see that there is actually hope here, there this is moving somewhere, yeah, or a better way to put that is give with sincerity, but protect your energy and resources until you see mutual investment exactly, yeah, yeah uh, another point is don't confuse a premium experience with a good match.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, he might be taking you out to fancy restaurants, she might be buying you, I don't know, hugo boss, uh, cologne or something, but this is also all nice.

Speaker 1:

But if there's no genuine alignment on values, then or if they aren't even able to articulate their values right and if they're still going through this self-discovery process and this is the first match that they've been introduced to then how should I say?

Speaker 2:

this, it could cloud your judgment.

Speaker 1:

Yes, yeah, appreciation matters. You know, I feel like that's common sense, but you know whether it's a Rishda, auntie, a matchmaker, whoever it is, if you want good people in your corner, family, whoever show gratitude, be punctual and follow through yeah like one of the matches that we had, um, I think a little over a year ago.

Speaker 1:

Uh, neither of the clients followed through on it. They both said yes. After the virtual presentation. Neither of them followed through and it just fell apart and they both reached out to us saying oh yeah, we were expecting the other person to reach out to us and not only was it sad to see that it didn't, it didn't work out, but it just felt like our time was wasted exactly, let alone their time.

Speaker 2:

yeah, going back to the point about appreciation, uh, so maybe a friend is trying to match you, maybe an auntie is trying to match you. Don't just like take that for granted like they are doing you a favor, so be appreciative of that and invest, like, if they find you someone, invest in trying to get to know them before just immediately dismissing. A lot of times this happens like people don't even give it a thought and the person invested and thought about like connecting you with this person, maybe even spoke to the family.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and considering that this person is probably doing this work for you, they've probably taken the time to get to know you, so they're not just picking somebody out of a hat saying oh, what do you think of this person? Yeah, you know. So, just out of respect for their time, follow through on the person.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, worth mentioning too that no matchmaker, matchmaker, friend app, nobody can do the self-work for you, you guys have to do that and do not do that work at somebody else's expense. Yeah, clarity and readiness can't be outsourced. It cannot be outsourced. You can't say hey, ai, can you do the self-work?

Speaker 2:

for me, right? Yeah, and you don't want to start doing this work after, like, you start talking to people, or when you start talking to people, it's not fair to them, it's not fair to you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So, like we said before, we thought the more we would give, the more people would appreciate. But the truth is, appreciation comes from readiness and not from how much someone receives. So, like we said, respect the process, protect your time and let us know. Did you like our previous service model better? Do you think our new service model?

Speaker 2:

works better. If you would work with us, for example, which service model would you prefer?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, Is there something else that we can add to our service to make our service better? Also, to add we also do mini coaching within our matchmaking service to help our clients and make sure they get up on the right foot. Once we release contact information to them, let us know in the comments. We're always looking to improve our service and provide as much value as possible and we'll see you in the next one all right.