Muslim Matrimonial Events: A Lifeline or a Hot Mess?

Tired of “halal speed dating” that feels like a performance instead of a real path to marriage? In this episode, we get honest about the modern Muslim matrimonial scene—what’s actually helping people connect and what’s just… awkward. From wild rotation stories to on-stage “auditions,” we break down why five-minute pitches and public biodata walls never lead anywhere. 

But we also share what does work: real pre-screening, balanced ratios, confidential spaces, and activities that bring out values, not rehearsed answers. We talk about what we’ve seen, hosting our own curated event and volunteering with organizers who actually get it. 

If you’re trying to figure out which events to trust (or avoid), this episode gives you a clear, no-nonsense blueprint to navigate it all.

If something we said made you think, laugh, or feel seen, leave us a rating and review! It helps more people find the show. And hey, if you know someone who needs to hear this episode, send it their way. Sharing is caring!

Transcript

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Setting The Stage: What’s Broken

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Every time I see a new matrimonial event pop up, I can't tell if I should be hopeful or just start praying for the people attending. It's like speed dating in hijab form. But is it really helping people find marriage or just making the process more awkward, expensive, and exhausting?

SPEAKER_01 0:17

Let's talk about the good, the bad, and the downright strange world of Muslim matrimonial events. Yeah, a new week, a new episode.

SPEAKER_02 0:33

Always.

SPEAKER_01 0:33

A question for you, Zayd.

SPEAKER_02 0:35

Answer for you, Hiba.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

Since you are the one with the experience, long experience with matrimonial events, tell me about the weirdest experience you

The “Fish Market” Speed-Dating Story

SPEAKER_01 0:45

had.

SPEAKER_02 0:45

Oh, the weirdest experience. Um the weirdest one was at a convention, which I won't name. And um it was just like most matrimonial events, just another speed dating event. It was more like a fish market, to be honest. It was crazy. And I walk in and there's just these vague directions um which said, I think if you're over the age of 40, turn right, if you're under the age of 40, turn left and take a seat. So I think um I think I went in the right direction, if I recall correctly, and I sat down, and uh, of course, like the speed dating event started, we had five minutes, and we're taking turns talking to one girl after another, and the guys, as always, had to be the ones to get up and rotate. So the first few seemed okay, like it was just you know uh your casual conversations, and then I think it might have been the fourth or fifth person that I spoke to. Turned out she was 20 years older than me. Oh, uh, if I recall correctly, she was a teacher, um, and I think she was looking to get remarried, and it was the most awkward silence in the longest five minutes of my life. And uh somehow, some way I still managed to diffuse the awkwardness. Oh I don't know, just talking about education, teaching, I don't know how I got through those five minutes. Um, but that one was forever etched in my mind.

SPEAKER_01 2:16

Wow. Well, what's her name? Demi Moore and Aston Kutcher made it.

SPEAKER_02 2:20

So actually they got divorced.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

Yes, but they were married, so okay, great.

SPEAKER_02 2:26

You're using an example of a divorce.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

No, there were other situations, no, of like a huge difference where the woman is always.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

Oh, Michael Douglas, Catherine Zeter Jones. I think there's like an 18-year-old Did they get divorced as well?

SPEAKER_01 2:38

Yeah, 18 years, yeah. 18 years.

SPEAKER_02 2:39

I don't know if they got divorced.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

Okay. Okay, wow.

SPEAKER_02 2:42

So how we're using celebrities as examples now for Muslim matches.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

How how did the lady react like when she realized your age?

SPEAKER_02 2:51

Um, she just kind of had a deer in the headlights look, and um and we just knew that we gotta get through these five minutes because we were stuck. It's not like I'm gonna get up and walk out. Of course not.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

Yeah. I can imagine that she was feeling way more awkward than you.

SPEAKER_02 3:09

Yeah, yeah, I probably. Yeah. We'll see how much.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

Did she offer you a lollipop?

unknown 3:14

No.

SPEAKER_02 3:15

No lollipop. It was in the doctor's office.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

Okay, so how long, like how many events did you attend in your how many?

SPEAKER_02 3:26

I can't remember how many. I've I lost count.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:30

But I had been to a lot.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

Okay. Yeah. And what is the feedback or they don't how do you feel about them?

SPEAKER_02 3:37

The the thing is, is that Muslim uh uh matrimonial event organizers are doing the same thing that apps are doing, and they're modeling non-Muslims, right? Which is speed dating. And uh apps are unfortunately doing the same thing, but we dedicate an episode to the app so I won't talk too much about that. But if anybody is single listening and you've attended uh a matrimonial event in the States or in Canada, or even in the UK, probably. Um, chances are that you've experienced a speed dating event where um you sit across somebody, you have five minutes to have a meaningful conversation, and most likely if you're a guy, you're you're the one that has to get up and rotate and rotate and rotate, and you can't remember the last person that you spoke to, and uh and just pray that you uh develop some sort of connection with those five minutes and that the person felt the same way, and that there's some sort of follow-up after that. That's pretty much what it is.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

So practically, how long like you can't spend I don't know, 20 minutes with each match, and like like practic practicality also takes a place here, right?

SPEAKER_02 4:46

Yeah, of course. Um, so I mean we'll we'll get into that in a little bit in terms of how they should be done. Uh in my opinion, uh like better ways to do that. Um Baba Ali is an expert on the uh on live events. Um so if you haven't attended an HOD live event, you should definitely check those out.

SPEAKER_01 5:04

Um to the UK, Australia, different states, all over the place and Canada.

SPEAKER_02 5:09

And people have wonderful feedback about his events. Um, but generally speaking, um, no, you cannot practically spend 20 minutes with each person, and especially if there's um 30, 40, or even 50 girls attending, how are you gonna get through everyone? But there are things as an organizer you can do to make sure that people are getting a meaningful experience and that um there are there's a higher possibility of fruitful outcomes.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

Okay, we'll get to that, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

We'll get to that. And we did our own matrimonial event, which we'll talk about in a second. Yeah, but um, let's talk about specifically matrimonial events. So, before, I mean our parents' generation, our parents did not meet at a matrimonial event. Imagine Imagine your mom and dad meeting at a matrimonial event. Even my parents, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:57

But the next generation, when they ask, Oh daddy,

Why These Events Exist Now

SPEAKER_01 6:00

how did you meet mommy? They're like at a matrimonial event.

SPEAKER_02 6:02

Yeah, exactly. So they didn't exist exist 20 years ago, or maybe 20 years ago.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

Maybe I think 20 years ago they didn't exist.

SPEAKER_02 6:09

But probably, so let's go further back. I would say in the 80s. In the 80s, they probably didn't exist, at least with Muslims. Um, so why do they exist now? Because there's a need for it. You know, um Muslims are delaying marriage. Um, the recent statistic which we found states that over 40 Muslims in North America are single past the age of 30.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

40 percent.

SPEAKER_02 6:32

Oh, sorry, did I say the age of 40?

SPEAKER_01 6:34

No, you said over 40 Muslims.

SPEAKER_02 6:36

Oh, sorry. Over 40% of Muslims in North America.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

Yeah, we counted them. There were 40 Muslims out there.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

Are single past the age of for 30. And that's scary.

SPEAKER_01 6:46

Yeah, take a moment. Think about it. 40 per over 40% are that's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 6:53

Um, you know, Dr. Fahd was just talking about this at the past in the past uh episode which we released, yeah. Uh, which was this is a common problem back home uh in Pakistan, he was talking about, right? Yeah, that uh the common age of men getting married was 30, sometimes 35. Um and I can't remember the exact reason why, but it was mainly due to financial stability, financial reasons. But there's no reason why we kind of have to import that

Numbers That Signal A Crisis

SPEAKER_02 7:20

same problem here. Like we import the culture, but we don't have to import the problems too associated with the culture. Yes, yeah, it's more than an epidemic now. Yeah, and oh yes, second part of that statistic is nearly 70% of them find it difficult to meet compatible Muslims for marriage. So we have an epidemic, needless to say. Um, and uh we have to ask ourselves the serious question are the solutions that we're providing as a community, as event organizers, solving this problem or not? And the numbers speak for themselves, and the answer is no. Right? And why is that the case? Um, God, we can talk about this for hours. Number one, like I said in the beginning, if we are modeling non-Muslims and trying to find solutions uh with people that prioritize dating and living together pre-marriage, then obviously we're not gonna solve our problems, right? When it comes because our problems are unique to our religion, right? So I'm not here to bash events, you know. Matrimonial events uh do have some success, um, and there are wonderful event organizers out there. I'm just speaking from personal experience and as somebody that has uh hosted a matrimonial event in the past, too. We both did that, in fact. Um, so there are a lot of good things. You know, some events they especially when they're done in a smaller group, uh, there's many event organizers that do a very good job organizing them, matching people up based on similarities, you know, matching people up on common interests and values.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

Um what else it's also good like for people who are new in this kind of like interactions, people maybe who are not used to talking to the opposite gender. Yeah. So it's like it's a good introduction to this world in like a a structured or like a supervised way, you can say.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

I mean, and I totally get it. You know, I grew up in a very conservative environment, and so talking to the opposite gender can be a little awkward, you know, especially if you know you're not used to it. So, yeah, like you said, just it's uh in a halal supervised environment. In fact, a lot of event organizers will even invite a scholar to come speak and to just like give you some uh nasiha. Yeah, right? So, yeah, in general, they're they're done by professional event organizers, people with experience, and and we come across stories sometimes of people who have found their significant other at matrimonial events, right?

SPEAKER_01 9:47

Yeah, okay, so that was the good. What's the ugly?

SPEAKER_02 9:51

The ugly is basically almost everything I've seen, with the exception of Baba Ali. Baba Ali is just uh kind of in a league of his own.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

He's a pioneer.

SPEAKER_02 10:03

Yes, he is. Um, but the ugly. So let's talk a little bit

What Works: Screening And Structure

SPEAKER_02 10:07

about that. Like I said in the beginning, speed dating does not work. You cannot get to know somebody for the purpose of marriage within five minutes. And I know what your counter question is uh, how can you practically? And we'll get into that in a bit. Um, so speed dating number one does not work. Uh a really funny story we just heard, maybe I think it was just two weeks ago. So we were at a convention, we won't name the convention, and uh, as we usually do, we just go talk to people at their booths, uh, speak to the vendors, talk about marriage and halal match. And one brother approached us and uh was asking us about our service and how it works. And uh we or I asked him, so how did the matrimonial event go at the convention here? And he said literally that um it was a complete disaster, and that he was basically on stage, um, or that the men were going up on stage one after another, essentially auditioning to the girls for marriage, like saying a few things, and the girls were just standing there in the background, the guys just had to go up, I think, with a mic or something and just talk about themselves.

SPEAKER_01 11:09

Oh, I'm trying to imagine it. And the girls, they're like, you know, uh models going on the stage, like modeling the clothes and stuff, and everyone's watching. And the girl might be like, Oh, daddy, daddy, can I have him? Can I get them?

SPEAKER_02 11:26

It sounds like god, I wish I was just there to uh observe.

SPEAKER_01 11:30

Yeah, that's um honestly, that's humiliating.

SPEAKER_02 11:32

It is it's so humiliating. I don't I don't I think I'd walk out if I was asked to do that. I think I'd definitely walk out.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

He he also mentioned that they kept uh changing the format uh like every I don't know 15 minutes.

SPEAKER_02 11:44

Exactly, because they realized that they were matching people up with uh significant age gaps.

SPEAKER_01 11:49

Yeah, so yeah, they kept changing it. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 11:52

Uh another problem that I've come across many, many times, which I referred to in just in the beginning, is the lack of pre-screening. And I'm sure I'm not the only one where guys are getting matched up with girls that are much older than them, or vice versa, girls are getting matched up with guys that are like 20, 30 years older than them. So there has to be, I mean, Baba Elise talked about this too. Uh and I can't say this for a fact, but it does sometimes feel like it's just a money game to for event organizers.

SPEAKER_01 12:21

Because like you are pre- I don't I don't know if it's right to say it, but like you're preying on the needs of people who might feel desperate. Right. Right? And they're grabbing to any chance, any straw.

SPEAKER_02 12:32

So they charge $75, $100 for these events, and they're walking into a fish market.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

If they're worth it, then charge more. And another element of lack of screening, and I remember I saw multiple like um TV, uh not TV, TV shows or YouTube like um documentaries or something in the UK about uh the Muslim matrimonial scene there and the many events they hold. And uh I saw in my own eyes, like the girl goes to this event, this room, and like there are I don't know, 50 women and like three or four guys. And imagine, like, imagine how awkward the guys must feel. And imagine how awkward the women must feel, and like the competition between them and like at that point, man, the event organizers should at least refund their money.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

Absolutely. They should. It's that's just wrong. Yeah, they're just stealing money from them. So, kind of going back to that point, an imbalance of genders. Like, yes, sometimes I understand people won't show up. Ababa Lee has mentioned a few times where like the girls would get so scared they just start getting nauseous and vomiting, and like

The Ugly: Auditions And Bad Formats

SPEAKER_02 13:35

they wouldn't need they wouldn't even walk into the room. So I get that. So, but to the best of your ability, having a balance of girls and guys, there shouldn't, there's no reason for what you just mentioned. Yeah, right? Yeah, performance pressure is also an issue. You're on this timer, like literally, there's a timer going on in your head, like, oh my god, I gotta put on the best performance I can within five minutes, and otherwise I'm going home single, right?

SPEAKER_01 14:00

So And they also what they do, I remember in one of the events, one of the big uh conferences here in Canada, they also have the biodatas of all the attendees on the wall. Yeah, like your walking. I've been to that.

SPEAKER_02 14:14

I've been to that.

SPEAKER_01 14:15

Wow. Yes, like you're browsing and like you're trying to assess just based on what? On height and income, and I don't know, it doesn't sound right.

SPEAKER_02 14:24

Yeah, and people were taking pictures of the biodatas on the wall or like grabbing the papers.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

Where's the element of privacy, right? And some events, what do you think about this? Some events where like the single person comes with their uh parent. Oh, I don't like it at all. And the parents are sitting on the side.

SPEAKER_02 14:41

Oh no, no, I hate that. I hate it.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

Why?

SPEAKER_02 14:45

The same reason we don't uh allow parents to go through the process with us, with halal match, right? Like we do allow parents on the discovery call if the client wishes for it, but after that the parents have to stay out of the process. Uh, not that we're excluding parents, you guys can go back and watch the parents uh or listen to the parents' episode. We've actually did two episodes about parents. So we have our reason and justification for that. But going back to your question, why do I hate that? Because it's just unnecessary pressure. I mean, this is a supervised environment, right? There's no khalua happening. Chances are there might be even be a scholar there, but it's an organized event. Um, girls and guys are coming with the sincere intention of marriage, so there is no reason for a parent to be there unless you think because the the signal that I'm getting as a guy is that your daughter is incapable of assessing compatibility for herself, so she needs mommy to hold her hand for her.

SPEAKER_01 15:41

So no, because the parents sit on the side, they are not like on the same tables.

SPEAKER_02 15:46

So still, like why are they there then? Um you don't trust your daughter, you don't trust your daughters. You don't trust the guys? Like like your girl's not gonna get assaulted, she's not gonna get like nothing's gonna happen. It's an uh it's a professionally run event, right? So it's something that does really irritate me. And I don't think I don't know, I'd be I'd really I'd be really hard pressed to move ahead with a girl whose mom or dad are there unless it's something really that stands out about her.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:18

Yeah. Going back to the

Gender Imbalance And Privacy Issues

SPEAKER_02 16:20

cost, so on average these events cost I would say $75 to $100. And it it does sometimes feel like event organizers are exploiting people's situation, like you just mentioned. Loneliness, depression, just the general need to get married. And uh they sometimes know that there aren't many options out there.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 16:46

And so people are gonna pay for this.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

So the problem is like we discussed in a previous episode, that we are not creating safe enough environments for people to meet and interact organically. Like uh either it's uh I don't know, it's uh segregated dars at a masjid, or it's a matrimonial event that's poorly organized. Right.

SPEAKER_02 17:07

So there are no other options. Yeah, and then you wonder why people are going to the apps because we're failing as a community.

SPEAKER_01 17:12

And then people attend the events because they were disappointed with the apps.

SPEAKER_02 17:16

So it's a perpetual cycle.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

Exactly, yeah. And uh some, I'm not gonna say all, some event organizers, they just like you said, exploit that.

SPEAKER_02 17:25

Yeah, yeah, definitely. If you're overwhelmed and burdened and just don't know where to seek help, let us help you. We can be your personal matchmakers. Visit us at halalmatch.ca and book a free call with us.

SPEAKER_01 17:41

Okay, so we said that there are a minority of events that are worth it. How to identify those?

SPEAKER_02 17:48

Okay, so Baba Ali. It's fair to talk about Baba Ali at this point, right?

SPEAKER_01 17:52

I guess so. And uh by the way, guys, Baba Ali is not paying us to do this, and he probably doesn't know that we're talking about him. Yeah, but uh because we trust what he does.

SPEAKER_02 18:01

Yeah, we trust and people, countless people have, even though they've been unsuccessful uh at some of his events, they still praise his events. Uh I mean people fly out from far away just to attend his uh live events.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

We helped in one of his events, so we've been there actually, and we saw how it's run.

SPEAKER_02 18:19

Exactly. So what does he do? And something that we've done at our own matrimonial event is screening. Many times people just signing up for a matrimonial event does not necessarily mean they are serious, right? So when we did our matrimonial event, we didn't just do a paper screening, we did a video screening. We schedule calls with them and we asked them questions after questions, and only after that call did we decide that you know a person that this person should attend our event. Yeah. So we did charge more. Um, we'll be honest, we charge $150 for our matrimonial event. Canadian. Canadian. Um, but we did something very different, which

Parents, Pressure, And Exploitation

SPEAKER_02 19:00

was not just a video level pre-screening, but we only invited people to our event if we found somebody that could be a compatible match for them.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

So we did uh we did double screening. We had them fill out a form.

SPEAKER_02 19:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

And we had a video call with them. And if we were able to find a good match for them, then they got an invitation.

SPEAKER_02 19:21

And the cool thing about our event was that it was split into two portions. The first pro portion was more of a workshop activities, really just to get people warmed up and comfortable. Um, so we shared a lot of things from the Quran and Sunnah, and we played some games. And then after that, we had people sit one-on-one with the person that we had in mind for them. So the match that we considered for them. And they and we also had some food too. Oh, we had charcuterie boards. It was a charcuterie board, so they got to enjoy some snacks with their match, and uh, we gave them some I mean, we still stayed in the room, but some privacy to an extent, uh, to get to know their match. And we I think we gave them some questions or an act something to do at the table, right?

SPEAKER_01 20:05

Yeah, the activities.

SPEAKER_02 20:07

Okay, I mean the right. So the activities we did as part of the workshop, and plus we had some activities for them to do with their match.

SPEAKER_01 20:12

Now it's fair to mention, guys, that it ended up in zero percent success.

SPEAKER_02 20:19

Yeah, well, there was one match that happened at the event, but uh for whatever reason the the individuals didn't follow through and it didn't end up in marriage.

SPEAKER_01 20:29

But regardless, it was a small event, it was only 14 people.

SPEAKER_02 20:32

Yeah, it was a small event. Seven couples. So, yes, we're gonna be completely honest. Like you said, it wasn't uh there weren't many successful matches that came out of that event. But I'm still proud of the work we did, and I still do believe that um we did the best we could in terms of providing value.

SPEAKER_01 20:49

So, in terms of providing value, screening and all of that, I think that was great. But I think the the formula uh we had in our head, which is to match each person with one person and have them sit on one t on like their own small table for like what was it, two an hour and a half.

SPEAKER_02 21:07

We gave them more than two hours, actually. Something like that.

SPEAKER_01 21:10

That didn't prove successful, yeah. Yeah, but that's I guess that's something we learned. But screening is very important, yes. So nobody ended up sitting with someone who was not serious about marriage or who was way older or younger, or they didn't share the same interests.

SPEAKER_02 21:26

Right. Everybody that came there was serious about marriage. Now, the important thing to note is that I'm not against talking to multiple potential matches. I'm not against getting up from one table and then speaking to somebody else and speaking to somebody else. What I'm against is the typical speed dating format of five to seven minutes.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

Seven minutes is even good. I don't think they give seven minutes. They give like two minutes, three minutes.

SPEAKER_02 21:49

I think it's less than that. Yeah, so even five minutes feels a bit generous. So we were talking about what to look for in an event. Number one, like you said, uh screening. Number two, is there a balance in genders?

Community Failures And The App Loop

SPEAKER_02 22:00

When people are hosting an event, you can always contact the event organizer through Eventbrite or if it's Baba Ali, you can send the team an email and just ask them these very basic questions. Is there a balance in genders? Is there screening? Is there any room to learn about the person's values? Uh, what kind of activities are there at the event, right?

SPEAKER_01 22:19

Or are you just supposed to be what is the structure of the event?

SPEAKER_02 22:22

What is the structure of the event? Um, but more specifically, what kind of activities are there? Um, so I've been to a lot of matrimonial events, speed dating events, where it's just like find the person that likes Biryani. Oh my god. Or like find the person who's never seen a Hollywood movie, and then it just becomes a hunting game, and then you find the person, then you sit down with them, and then you have your list of questions.

SPEAKER_01 22:43

This is how you assess compatibility.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

And it's like there's no fun element to it.

SPEAKER_01 22:48

There's no No, actually, it sounds like a lot of fun, but no value.

SPEAKER_02 22:51

No value. But um, there's the activities themselves, they don't allow somebody to step out of their comfort zone, they don't help people who are shy. Let's uh give one of Baba Ali's activities as an example.

SPEAKER_00 23:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 23:05

Oh, I remember the straight line. So Baba Ali had all the ladies stand in a straight line at one point, and then all the guys stand in a straight line at one point. And then he would ask questions like, or would you marry somebody who's divorced? If yes, step back. If no, stand where you are. Right? Yeah. And so the guys could kind of see uh what girls would be okay with that depending on their circumstances.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Would you marry an independent a strong independent woman? And then the guy some guys would step and exactly.

SPEAKER_02 23:39

And then at the tables there were a lot of fun group activities where you had to work with each other to solve problems.

SPEAKER_01 23:46

So you get to see their competitive side, if they are the team player type, yeah, if they are the I don't know, backstabbing type, because the activities they were very competitive. They were very fun.

SPEAKER_02 23:57

Yeah, one of the games that we did at our matrimonial event was somebody had to so there were two teams, and each team had to pick a captain or leader and go

Our Offer: Personal Matchmaking CTA

SPEAKER_02 24:08

speak at the front of the room and try to convince. So I think one of the tasks was convince me why Trump should be president, or something like that, right? Like something random. Yeah. And uh then people would have to vote and say, okay, yes, I'm convinced or I'm not convinced, right? That was fun.

SPEAKER_01 24:24

So you get to see people just the way the way they express themselves, the way they think. Are they confident? Are they? I just laughed uh a minute ago because I remembered Baba Ali said in one of his events, he was

Spotting A Worthwhile Event

SPEAKER_01 24:37

like doing this uh there was uh this activity, yeah, and there was a Nihabi girl on the table. Yes, remember that? And I don't know, for some reason they had like she flipped and did like 118 ninja move.

SPEAKER_02 24:51

No, no, no, they were doing the uh it was one of those on your feet activities.

SPEAKER_03 24:54

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:55

Yeah, yeah. And so it was it like so. The point that he was making was that first impressions are on everything, don't judge a book by its cover.

SPEAKER_03 25:01

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 25:01

So she had she did a backflip. Oh, the Nagawi girl doing a backflip. I'm like, wow, yeah, I've never seen that before.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

And then I think uh in another uh activity, they were supposed to like go from like one table to another and like to fight try to find cards or something, I'm not sure. Yeah, and there was a guy who like uh showed zero ethics because he like he was so competitive. Yeah, he was cheating, either he was cheating or like he he did something that showed zero ethics.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

Oh, and I remember another story he shared was uh one of the girls was completely owning the table. Yes, and she was like, All you have what did she say?

SPEAKER_00 25:39

Yeah, like uh you all have to listen to me.

SPEAKER_02 25:42

Yeah, she was a complete matriarch. Yeah, and I'm in charge here, and you all have to listen to me. And she was just instructing all the men at the table.

SPEAKER_01 25:49

So you see, you get to see different sides of the person.

SPEAKER_02 25:52

And the most important thing is that it's all halal. Of course, yeah. There is no hand holding, there's no haloa, there's no inappropriate behavior. The point is that it's in a supervised, controlled environment, and that is done by a professional event organizer, and it's all with the intention of marriage.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

And these activities are all like very well calculated, designed to re each activity is designed to reveal something. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 26:17

So So, yes, that's that's the other point worth mentioning that is the way the event is structured allowing people to reveal things about themselves, right? Are the organizers trustworthy and genuinely marriage focused, or are they just trying to grab your money?

SPEAKER_01 26:32

Yeah. Right? And at the end of the event, I remember um there was like uh one hour or something for mingling, just everyone mingling like anyone interested. Yeah, what yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:42

If you guys came up to you asking if you were looking for yeah, there was a guy interested in me. I'm like, I was kind of flattered at that point. I'm like, my wife's pretty you got it, you still got some charm. Um a lot of charm. Okay, yeah, yeah. Um, and also are there follow-up systems in place for connections? Exactly. Yes. So Baba Ali has a wonderful uh system. So I think it's an app where um it's completely like uh anon not anonymous, but um the the matches don't know the response of the other person. So you basically like uh check the box if you're interested in a girl, and if

Activities That Reveal Real Character

SPEAKER_02 27:20

the other girl is also interested, then um you guys get a like uh a ding, a notification or something, right?

SPEAKER_01 27:28

So yeah, if only one person is interested, the other person wouldn't know it. Right.

SPEAKER_02 27:32

Yeah, so you don't get that feeling of rejection.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

Exactly. That's very smart. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, Mr. Expert. Since you seem to be a good idea. I'm not an expert. I don't know. We dedicated 40 minutes criticizing events.

SPEAKER_02 27:44

Well, we talked about the good and the bad, so it wasn't all critical.

SPEAKER_01 27:47

Okay. So if you had the uh capacity and the budget to plan or design your perfect event, how would it look like?

SPEAKER_02 27:57

Okay, so that's a good question. I think I would build upon what we did before. Do a better version of that. Like I said, I'm not against people rotating tables. Um what I think we should have is number one, a yes, screening, a balance of genders, a small uh number of people. So I don't think I would do more than 30, max 40.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

40 people or 40 couples?

SPEAKER_02 28:26

40 people, okay. Right? Like even 40 feels a bit of a stretch. So 20, 20, 20 guys, 20 girls. So I would try to keep the the venue small. Also something that Baba Ali does does, which I love. Uh keeping the location confidential.

SPEAKER_01 28:40

Of course. Yes. I think he's not the only one who does this. No, he's not the only one.

SPEAKER_02 28:44

No, uh he's the only one that I know of that does that. Yeah. Even when we did our event at the uh uh womanpreneur event, um, we didn't exactly give the location of the room of where it's happening. So we try to keep it as confidential as possible because we don't want people just walking in. So keeping the location confidential. So let's talk about the structure of the event. I would do a lot of on your feet activities, on um group activities. So I would pull a lot of activities from our ebook, the political candidate game. I'd play that again, maybe refine it a bit. I would do what's cooking, um, which is another activity we've done with our clients where you know you have to come up with a crazy recipe to make a dish. Uh I mean you're given a list of crazy ingredients and you have to come up with a weird dish. And so everybody has to work together. Um, so a lot of group activities where people are forced to speak, forced to come out of their comfort zone, and uh forced to collaborate. Um, but the rotations are not happening after one on one interactions. The rotations are happening after one group activity from one group activity to another, which is what Baba Ali does. Yeah. Right? So it's not one to one speed dating, it's for lack of a better term, group dating. To group speed dating. Yeah. Right. And um, you're spending enough time on each table to really get an idea of this other person that's working with you on whatever activity. And then, of course, I I wouldn't do dinner. Dinner becomes a huge distraction and a waste of time. Maybe a charcuterie board uh for each table, a large enough

Follow-Up Systems That Respect Dignity

SPEAKER_02 30:20

charcuterie board for each table. On your feet activities, so I would get the groups to get off the table, get on your feet, do something like charades, something like that, which Baba Ali did. And of course, have a good follow-up, a feedback form as well as a follow-up, uh, where people can say, you know, I was interested in this person. And each person would have a name badge. And yeah, you would uh, you know, either write it down on a form before you leave, uh, email us, whatever it might be. Like I would think more about a good proper follow-up form. And um, and of course, follow up with clients maybe a month down the road, see how things are going.

SPEAKER_01 30:56

So, how is how is this different from Baba Ali's events?

SPEAKER_02 31:00

Uh, how is it different? Because our games are a bit different. I wouldn't steal his games, we have our own unique games. Baba Ali didn't exactly have the best snacks available, I would say. Yeah, we all left hungry. And so

Designing A Better Event

SPEAKER_02 31:15

I would do charcuterie boards with a sufficient number of snacks for each people, for each group on the table. Um, so that those are two things that I would do to keep it different. Um, what else would I do? I think I would do more than just virtual screening. I don't know if I do video screening again, that was too much on us, but I would do a more lengthy digital form of screening, maybe a one-to-page assessment uh to see if they are a good fit for the event. Um I would keep the event, I would say two and a half, three hours max. Even that feels like a bit of a stretch. Oh, yes. And the other important thing, which Baba Ali doesn't do, no, I'm not criticizing Baba Ali. I love Baba Ali and he does a wonderful job. But what I would do differently is I would have a premarital workshop component attached to it.

SPEAKER_03 32:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:08

Um, which we do, by the way. We've done it at Muzjids and uh we've done it for MSAs. And uh I would definitely add that component, so a shorter version, because our workshop goes on for about three hours. So I'll do maybe a half hour, maybe 45-minute workshop, giving them some basic tools that they can use into the matrimonial event itself. If possible, maybe extending the event and uh bringing on a scholar to speak. Um, but that might be stretching it a bit too much. So I don't know. All of these things, like we haven't done a matrimonial event since that day, because it really took a lot of energy and work out of us. But we haven't completely removed it off the table. We might do it again at some point. Uh, but those are the things I would do different.

SPEAKER_01 32:49

Okay. To be honest, sounds too idealistic. No, actually, no. No. Sounds just like some modifications to Baba Ali's events. I was honestly looking for something completely unique that is not being done. Like right now, what's being done is either speed dating or like activities or something like that. I was doing looking for something revolutionary. Not revolutionary in terms of how technology so I don't have the answer, but I'm looking. Maybe some guys, if you're listening, well, I know you're listening because you can hear me right now exactly. So if you have like an idea for something unique, I don't know. Like when social media came out, for example, that was unique. There was nothing like it before. It didn't build on anything before. Maybe messenger, messenger was not social media.

SPEAKER_02 33:40

Well, I'm not building on Baba Ali, I'm building on what we've done.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

Okay, so what we've done is similar, like it falls under the same category of what's out there. Um activities, rotations, food, all of that. Right. I mean, looking for something completely unique.

SPEAKER_02 33:58

So it has to be in person, it has to be private, there has to be screening involved. Okay, there has to be active. So I'm just thinking about the core element.

SPEAKER_01 34:06

That's that's uh factors, that's more like factors, not elements. Like that's parameters. Parameters, okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:12

Yeah, um so what did I say? Uh confidentiality, uh screening, balance uh of genders, small venue, um, unique activities.

SPEAKER_01 34:22

I'm looking for a unique structure. I don't have the answer.

SPEAKER_02 34:27

So I would say our first matrimonial event was unique in its structure. Yes, it was. It was. I guess it's because it was, like we said, one-on-one. It was one-on-one, a premarital workshop attached to it. But the fact that it wasn't fruitful is is something to learn from.

SPEAKER_01 34:43

Yeah, of course. Right?

SPEAKER_02 34:47

So we can't put all our eggs in one basket and expect results.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

So yeah, um I'm still you know what?

SPEAKER_02 34:53

I'll just kind of leave that for the audience.

SPEAKER_01 34:55

I think that's gonna be my next project. Coming up with a unique idea for a matrimonial event.

SPEAKER_02 35:00

I would love to do another matrimonial event.

SPEAKER_01 35:02

Me too. But only if it's different. I don't want to copy what people are doing.

SPEAKER_02 35:05

We're not gonna copy people. We don't copy people. We our first one was unique, and I think we could build off of that.

SPEAKER_01 35:11

Okay, guys, if you have any ideas for us or girls, or girls, how to make how to design a unique uh matrimonial

Constraints, Workshop Add-On, Reality Check

SPEAKER_01 35:20

event, please shoot us an email. Like I'm thirsty for some fresh ideas.

SPEAKER_02 35:26

For sure. Okay, okay. I guess we could leave you guys with that, or just other questions. Um, if you guys have been to matrimonial events, please share your experiences. We'd love to you know, was it an audition-like experience? Was it not? Was it speed dating? Uh, or did you, you know, meet your significant other at a matrimonial event? Let us know. Um, we'd love to learn from you guys. The only way this podcast grows is, you know, if you guys interact with us and give us your feedback.

SPEAKER_01 35:54

And and also let us know what uh new topics would you like us to discuss in future episodes.

SPEAKER_02 35:59

That too.

SPEAKER_01 35:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:00

All right. Until next time. Salaam alaykum alaikum.