Diary of a Matchmaker

Are You Too Religious For Some, Too Liberal For Others?

• Halal Match • Episode 84

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Today we get into the messy reality of being a single Muslim in a world obsessed with labels. We talk about how people use “religious,” “conservative,” and “liberal” as shortcuts instead of actually getting to know someone—and how that leaves so many amazing matches dismissed before the first conversation even starts.

We also dig into family judgments, unfair assumptions, and what happens when someone is written off because of their parents, not their own character. If you’re tired of being boxed in, misunderstood, or filtered out by vibes instead of values, this episode will feel like a deep exhale.

If something we said made you think, laugh, or feel seen, leave us a rating and review! It helps more people find the show. And hey, if you know someone who needs to hear this episode, send it their way. Sharing is caring!


Opening And Core Question

SPEAKER_02

Assalamu alaikum. I'm Hiba.

SPEAKER_00

And I'm Zayd.

SPEAKER_02

You're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.

SPEAKER_00

A podcast that will take you into our world as matchmakers.

SPEAKER_02

We'll share our experiences and offer advice for the single Muslim.

SPEAKER_00

So let's dive in. Bismillah.

SPEAKER_02

Assalamu alaikum, everyone. Welcome to a new episode.

SPEAKER_00

Assalamu alaikum.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, let's hit this off with a question.

SPEAKER_00

As always.

Is Not Praying A Deal Breaker

SPEAKER_02

Okay. Would you have married a girl who doesn't pray?

SPEAKER_00

No.

SPEAKER_02

That was fast. Yeah. Okay. Care to elaborate?

SPEAKER_00

For me, salah is a deal breaker. I feel like it should be for most people. I mean, if you're practicing Muslim and you're considering marriage and the person you talk to doesn't pray, I think that should be of serious concern. I mean, for me personally, yes. I it would be a major, major red flag. Because if you were born and raised into the religion and you're not making an effort, like if you fall short, you miss a prayer here or there, I I totally get it. But uh if it's a consistent practice that you're not praying, I don't want to be married to a person where I feel like I'm imposing religion on them.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Where I have to like teach them or educate them about the importance of prayer.

SPEAKER_02

So regardless of the circumstance?

SPEAKER_00

I can't think of a circumstance um of a Muslim living in the West that would be preventing them from praying.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, and what about you?

Intention Versus Reality In Faith

SPEAKER_02

I think I would consider the person as a whole. I'm not saying prayer is not important, but if I see a person who checks all my boxes, he's a good person, he has a Muslim character, as in his he's kind, he's respectful, he's honest, uh, he stays away from haram. Uh he has a connection with Allah, but he doesn't pray. But if I see someone like this, and um I see a sincere desire for him to improve and grow. Like, for example, he might say something like, I know I'm not praying now, I know it's it's not right. It is something I'm struggling with to be consistent, it is something I'm working on improving. I make dua every day that Allah guides me to salah, and I hope that you can help me in this area, we can grow together, all of that. Then I know this is a person who has an intention, who has a desire, who's not happy where they are right now. So this is someone you can work with. But if he says something like, I don't pray, and please don't pressure me. This is something between me and Allah. I'll pray when I'm when people say that. Me too. I'll pray when the time is right. This is who I am. Take me as I am, or just don't. Then that's a person I can to be with.

SPEAKER_00

So two things there. Number one, it's not your spouse's responsibility to help you perform the basic uh rituals of faith. Either you come with that or you don't. Like, yes, it is a realistic expectation for you to have of a spouse to help you grow spiritually, financially, um, self-growth, uh, you know, health-wise, whatever. That that's that's fair. But to put that responsibility on your spouse, I don't like that, that's number one. And number two, I feel this kind of goes against a rule that we always share in our workshop, which is don't marry potential, marry reality. There's certain things that I would be flexible on and certain things that yes, if a person is demonstrating desire to grow or change, um, I'd be okay with that, like health, um, finances, things like that. But a lot, you know, the one thing that um the one of the most important things that separates us from other faiths or other groups, it's just it's hard for me to overlook that.

Addiction, Sin, And Boundaries

SPEAKER_02

Okay, you know what? This just uh reminded me of something. So my best friend she was talking to her cousin, they sarcastically or randomly, they met online because he grew up in a different place and all of that. And um he didn't pray. Her dad said, Absolutely not. I'm not gonna give you away to a guy who doesn't pray. The guy started to pray. And as far as I know, he was consistent with his prayers. She married him. Turns out he's an abusive husband, and now she's divorced with two kids. Extremely abusive. So you see, prayer is not everything. And the being pushed and being and being pushed to pray just to please the other person doesn't necessarily guarantee a good character, a good marriage, a good future.

SPEAKER_00

That's not what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02

I know, I know. But I'm just talking about another extreme.

SPEAKER_00

I feel like it's the basics for me. Like for example, uh I know I'm kind of splitting hairs, but the for example, we know in Islam the basic responsibility for a man has to be uh to be able to provide food, shelter, clothing, general care for wife. That's like the basic, basic criteria. For me, my personal basic criteria, or one of them, is somebody who prays, who has a basic understanding of their faith. And if they don't have that, like God, I can't teach you. But it doesn't mean just because I'm not marrying a student.

SPEAKER_02

But just because they don't pray, it doesn't mean they don't have a basic understanding. It means that they are struggling with something. They might be working on it, they might be making dua and like praying to Allah every day. Oh Allah, guide me to pray. I want to pray, I want to commit, guide me to you. It doesn't mean they don't have that. Maybe they just lack in uh discipline. Maybe they didn't grow up in the right environment. Maybe they are struggling with some like personal issues, right? So I feel that just like putting uh this general statement that no, I won't marry a somebody who doesn't pray is just unfair. Because it just gives this impression that everyone who doesn't pray have no basic understanding of their deen, have no connection to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, they are not proud of their deen, and that's not the case.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know. Like, what reason can you possibly have not to pray? Like how like how hard is it to just get up with doo? Like, I know I'm oversimplifying it, but we're not living in a war-torn country, we're not living in a rocket.

SPEAKER_02

You know what? Some people used to pray and then stopped praying because they because of trauma. Because of trauma or because they feel they're just performing, they don't feel any type of khushua. You know, we go in our lives with ups and downs in our deen, with our deen. So they decided, no, I'm not gonna go back to praying until I feel that my heart is connected. And that's not right. But that's a different person than somebody who just doesn't pray because they don't care about prayer.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So there are different some people maybe go through uh I don't know, uh a crisis.

SPEAKER_00

Uh, I feel like you're way more flexible than I am.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know. I just like to give people the benefit of the doubt and just understand that people come in different uh shapes and forms and circumstances and life experiences and I guess I would I wouldn't stop the conversation, but I would love to learn more and understand what's really going on there.

SPEAKER_00

And if I'm hearing something like you just shared where, you know, they're kind of shutting off the conversation by saying, Oh, don't judge me for it, it's between me and Allah. That's it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, let me ask you a question. Would you marry an alcohol addict Muslim, but uh he's showing a desire to change?

SPEAKER_02

No.

SPEAKER_00

Why?

SPEAKER_02

It's not out of judgment or anything, but because addiction is a disease. Get help, get well how I don't I'm not I don't buy the fact that it's a disease. Okay, that's another discussion for another day. Because if we start uh I'm not saying it's a disease that you just you're genetically born with or like you just get like a could something contagious, but once your brain is just uh programmed to wanting that uh that uh alcohol and that intoxication, then uh like it's uh all chemicals in the brain. But yeah, get well, have some time, not just like finish a program and then you're ready. No, get well, have support system, have some time to just work on yourself, and then we'll see. But doing a haram is different from not doing a fart.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, fair point, but it is still a sin. Yes at the end of the day. Yeah, so you would be okay with somebody not praying, but you would not be okay with somebody drinking.

SPEAKER_02

Just like I said, I'm okay. I I'll be open to talking to someone who doesn't pray, who's showing a desire, who's showing an intention, who's making dua, who wants to improve, and who realizes they're doing something wrong.

SPEAKER_00

The alcoholic is trying to do the same thing.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, but uh but but addiction is not just a decision you make, okay, tomorrow I'm I'm gonna stop the drinking.

SPEAKER_00

He's taking gradual steps, he's showing a sincere desire.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, but until until you're completely cured, until you're completely sober, you there's no guarantee you're not gonna slip back.

SPEAKER_00

There's no guarantee the person's gonna slip back spiritually and stop raining.

SPEAKER_02

Well, there's no guarantee that uh a half or a niqhabi is just gonna remove the the thing and just uh uh stop rain. It happens.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, now we're just playing.

SPEAKER_02

No, no, no. But regardless, regardless.

Boxes, Labels, And Authenticity

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, regardless. So the point is that we see these common patterns among clients all the time. One of them being this constant need to uh put yourself in a certain box. So, for example, in my personal life, when I was trying to get married, I always felt like I didn't fit into certain boxes. People have had these certain expectations of me when I was trying to get married. And I'm sure for those of you guys that are on your journey trying to get married, you've probably faced these kinds of circumstances where you know you're not religious enough for this family, you're not uh financially well enough for this family, you're not educated enough for this family, you don't have that medical degree, that law degree, engineering degree, whatever it is. And so you're always striving to meet certain expectations when at the end of the day, n none of this goes in line with our deen. Like for me, like Alhamdulillah, I went to a private Islamic school most of my life. I completed my hifs, I have a basic understanding of Arabic, I would consistently attend workshops and conventions, and so I felt like like religiously that you know maybe I was going a maybe uh one or two steps beyond like the average person. Yet for some reason some people just felt I wasn't religious enough. And uh it was just it was just a strange phenomenon.

SPEAKER_02

Why is that?

SPEAKER_00

Because I I just wanted to know what else I could do. Like, do I need to go become an alim? Do I need to go like um learn tafsir of the Qur'an?

SPEAKER_02

No, no, no. I mean, why did some people think you're not religious enough?

SPEAKER_00

Because at least in Chicago, there's a strong um what do you call TJ community, the Blih Jamat community. And so I would see a lot of those families sometimes. Like, for example, I would go to the family, the the family's house, and I'd be sitting there, and you would just get this vibe and energy that they're just a very hardcore um religious family, right? Where there's the TV's not on, there's Quranic scriptures all around, there's a mushaf on every shelf, the Adan is playing every five minutes. I don't know why. Okay. Um, the father's got a beard that goes down to his knees, and the mother's in a khabi, and you're just like, oh boy, I don't know. I don't know if I'm gonna survive this. Because that's that's just not me. Oh, and the other reason is because somehow, somehow, people would find out that I was more inclined towards the arts and I would listen to music. And uh, right. So when people would hear these things, they would think, oh man, this guy's one of those uh wishy-washy Muslims, you know, he's one of those weekend Muslims, and which I wasn't, you know. I was just like, this is where my heart is, and I know what's haram and halal. I have a basic understanding of my deen, but and I know the things that I'm doing are not forbidden in my faith. You know, the the thing that I can proudly say about my journey without any arrogance is that I never sold out. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, I never sold out for the education, I never sold out for money, I never sold out for religion, I never tried to be something I wasn't. I always stay true to what I love, which was art. I've always loved music, and uh I've never veered away from that. And so that's why when I was talking to you, that was one of the first questions I asked you. Like, how do you feel about art? How do you feel about music? Right. Alhamdulillah, I found somebody that was on the same page. So, advice for you guys: never sell out, um, be flexible, but stay core stay true to the things that you feel enrich your life. If you're overwhelmed and burdened and just don't know where to seek help, let us help you. We can be your personal matchmakers. Visit us at hilalimatch.ca and book a free call with us. So the important thing is that guys and girls, when you're making your matrimonial profiles, it's very easy to portray a certain version of yourself that is inconsistent with who you are for the sake of marriage. I I remember I to I shared this in one of the episodes where I did a little experiment and I changed uh my occupation and my profile uh to doctor just to see what would happen. Don't ever do that. Just be be honest, be true. And I know it's hard and it's it's very tempting to say, oh, that uh I get up and pray tahjud. Like even if you do pray five times a day, are you sharing that uh uh as a means of leverage? Right, to portray that you are a certain religious person?

SPEAKER_02

Or maybe they're sharing that so they can attract the right person.

SPEAKER_00

Or that. So intention does matter. But yes, authenticity, authenticity, authenticity.

SPEAKER_02

What what does it mean when because I used to see this on a lot of profiles, what does it mean when they say I'm looking for someone who has a balance of Dean and Dunya?

SPEAKER_00

Oh God. We see that on the registration forums all the time.

SPEAKER_02

But like specifically matrimonial profiles?

SPEAKER_00

What people mean by that, let's be honest. People mean that they they don't want someone who's too religious, right? The very strict stay at home, read the Quran 24 hours a day, don't watch TV.

SPEAKER_02

No one's like that.

Music, Weddings, And “Religious Enough”

SPEAKER_00

I'm exaggerating, but that's kind of what they mean. Somebody, they don't want somebody who's too strict and quote unquote religious, or to somebody who is too loose or too liberal. So for them, they want somebody that's in the middle, which is you just want a Muslim.

SPEAKER_02

You just want a Muslim.

SPEAKER_00

You just want to that that's how you and I get it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

But to people who don't get it, they think that, you know, Muslims come in all strains. That, you know, if you are somebody who's very, very strict and expects their wife to stay at home, cook and clean, that you're being Muslim too.

SPEAKER_02

But that's that's that's tradition. That's not being Islamically strict. That's being traditionally strict. Yes. You know, I think we are guilty of that as Muslims, of creating these labels and trying to box each other in these labels. He's liberal, she's religious, he's conservative, uh, she's uh I don't know, um what is the opposite of conservative? Liberal. Well, I just said that's all so um, yeah, we created these boxes, these labels. And I remember when we first started with Halal Maj, we used to ask uh clients or like uh people we interview on the calls, so do you consider yourself liberal or conservative? Until we realize that this is not a good question.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it's nonsense. It's nonsense too. Instead, what we ask is, can you tell me a little bit about how Islam was taught to you growing up? So we keep it open-ended, and that question itself reveals a lot. And I would recommend you guys steal this question and ask uh somebody you're talking to that same question.

SPEAKER_02

Or uh what role does Islam play in your life? That's a good question, too.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Um, but I want to put some context about what you're saying. Uh, specifically when it comes to wedding planning, you you see the two different sides when people start talking about playing music at the wedding. Um, oh, so is it gonna be a mixed wedding or a segregated wedding? Um, is there gonna be dancing at the wedding or is there not? And then you kind of see the split. Like, oh, is this person more liberal? Is this person more on the conservative side? Like our plan was to keep our wedding mixed. I think we were planning on having music.

SPEAKER_02

Just background issues, just background machine.

SPEAKER_00

Not like uh, yeah, no rock and roll, no disco music or anything like that. I was very strict and and firm about having a mixed wedding.

SPEAKER_02

It's because we weren't planning on having dancing, right? But more than all family and friends, so just like we mix when we go to restaurants and like dinner parties.

SPEAKER_00

But for me, I wanted to sit on the table with my aunts and my cousins and chit-chat and and just really thank them for coming and and all that. But that's that's a conversation we're never happy. It never happened anyway. It never happened. Our wedding never happened because of COVID. Damn COVID. Anyways, um, so what were we talking about?

SPEAKER_02

Something about Islam. Just like Osna Man always says, What was I talking about? Oh, something about Islam.

SPEAKER_00

So another phenomenon, I guess you could call it phenomenon, that I would see often when I was searching, was uh girls suddenly becoming experts on religion, like fifth experts. I remember I got there was this one time I was talking to, I think she lived in Saudi. I was talking to a girl in Saudi. And um Oh, really? Yeah, I th I don't know if she messaged me or I messaged her. And um Okay, I don't know this one.

SPEAKER_02

I'm listening with you guys.

SPEAKER_00

And uh somehow, some way we got into the conversation about music, and it just became a battle.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00

It was like this virtual battle where we just kept going back and forth about the topic of music, and she just kept throwing the haram card at me and and kept saying, you know, this is why it's haram and this is why it's wrong. And I said, Okay, you have your reasons, I have mine.

Don’t Weaponize Religiosity

SPEAKER_02

And um turned from a marriage conversation to a debate. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly. And the point is that don't weaponize religiosity, right? Just because you feel a certain way about a certain Islamic matter, uh, when it comes to the matter of religion, just be clear about your deal breakers and don't start shaming people or weaponize religiosity. You know, men start acting hyper strict about gender interactions, right? I remember one guy had it on his forum where I believe it was a deal breaker if he if the girl had non-Muslim friends. I guess yeah, not even of the same gender. Yeah. Non-Muslim friends.

SPEAKER_02

Or somebody mentioned something about like uh extreme interaction with their cousin, male cousins or something. Yeah, I can't remember. I can't remember who that was. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

But yeah, it's like all of a sudden marriage just gives us the excuse to be extreme.

SPEAKER_02

I yeah, like you said, this is who I am, this is what I'm looking for. And if the other person doesn't meet that, then good luck to you. But good luck to them. But don't start like trying to convert them and convince them and like judge them and make them feel like they're just not a good Muslim, and right? This is not the place for it.

SPEAKER_00

Definitely not. Another point that I want to bring up is how people use religiosity as a shortcut.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, definitely. That and we see it all the time on our discovery calls.

SPEAKER_02

So what are you looking for? Oh, someone religious.

SPEAKER_00

Someone religious.

SPEAKER_02

That's it.

SPEAKER_00

So what what does that even mean? Uh, you know, like somebody who prays.

SPEAKER_02

Somebody who prays who wears a hijab. That's it.

SPEAKER_00

And and for example, the story you just shared of your cousin um that uh, you know, or your best friend that married her cousin who started praying before, but turned out to be an abusive husband.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So religiosity is not an indicator of character.

SPEAKER_02

A guy could have ten different girls who are all hijabis and all prey and all religious. Does that mean that he's gonna be compatible with all ten?

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_02

No. Vice versa. Girl and multiple guys who have a beard and they pray at the masjid and they pray Tahajud. But there are other aspects to compatibility than religiosity. But I think, like you said, it's a shortcut because some people don't want to do the work, the self-work. Some people are just too lazy to do that. So it's just easier to just look for someone religious, right? And that's it. But what what about the self-work that goes before that? What about knowing your values, knowing what you're what you're attracted to, right?

SPEAKER_00

Right. And that's what we talk about in our workshop. That compatibility doesn't start with the other person, it starts with you. It starts with knowing what your values are, what your deal breakers are, what how you envision your life post-marriage in terms of roles, responsibilities, all of those things it takes time to figure out, but you have to put in that work. Otherwise, like you said, you're just gonna resort to shortcuts, which is religiosity.

Family Compatibility And Fairness

SPEAKER_02

Besides religiosity, like having uh religious compatibility is important. But besides that, there's emotional intelligence, there's communication skills, there's physical attraction, there is like personal traits and habits that I am looking for or that I can't tolerate, I can't tolerate. There is family compatibility. There are so many things, and religiosity is just one of them.

SPEAKER_00

I think one thing that gets overlooked often is the role that family plays in the courting phase. Sometimes the person that you are interested in isn't necessarily a f a reflection of the family's values and practices. Absolutely. Sometimes there's a difference. I've seen it with you and your family, even within my family, there's a huge difference between the kind of person I am and how I am religiously oriented, um, so to speak, and how the rest of my family is. It's a big difference because a lot of it is a result of upbringing, exposure, um culture, things like that. So I don't know, I'll let you go first. How has that been a factor for you though?

SPEAKER_02

So, for example, a certain member of my family doesn't pray, right? And uh because people know that like I'm a hijabi, my mom is a hijabi, we pray. Um I attended Sharia school, for example. So they come to our house and it's time for prayer, and they assume that the entire family is just gonna get up and pray, and they're surprised when a certain member doesn't. And um it could be also the other way around that someone is not on the religious side, but their family is, and they get uh boxed or or they get um or it's assumed that they are just like their families, and maybe they're getting proposals from religious people and they're not there yet.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Um how about you? With me, it was I think it was a bit different. Um, so yes, in my family there is a certain member that doesn't pray. You know, it's amazing how much we have in common when we talk about these things. It's crazy. Yeah. Um but regardless, yes. So similar to you, there's a certain member in my family that doesn't pray, or at least doesn't pray consistently. And uh also in terms of you know religious values and expectations, I'm a bit different than my siblings. Uh meaning I have more of an interest in learning Arabic and you know, attending workshops and just growing spiritually. Um, not to say that my siblings are bad Muslims, I'm not saying that. Um, but everybody's different. So when I would go to meet families, the interesting thing was was that my parents, most of my family, was not around during my courting phase.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, okay. So that didn't affect you.

SPEAKER_00

It didn't affect me as much. So I kind of lucked out with you because I didn't have to go through all those hoops and hurdles meeting the family, saying, Oh, look, I'm a pious person, or look, like this is my family, and this is the kind of vibe and energy they give. I didn't have to go through all that, which is a lot of what happens, especially in Daisy circles.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_00

In art up circles too, I'm assuming, right? Where you just have to kind of get a feel for the family. Alhamdulillah, I didn't have to go through much of that, but yeah, I can I can see how a lot of that is a concern for for Muslims.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and you know what else? Like you might come from a religious family, like everybody knows this family is like on the deen and all of that. But you as a Muslim, you're struggling with some doubts about the deen. You have some uh question, unanswered questions, you have some internal fights going on, but you can't even express that because come on, you come from this family and you have some doubts about the deen. So you immediately you get boxed into this image of very strict, very religious, and you're going through this internal battle. Yeah, yeah, you can't share with anyone.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's true. And I feel like there's also another part to this problem where at the end of the day there is something called family compatibility, right? Now, our situation is kind of unique. Like our family, like forget the fact that they can't even communicate. They live on different continents, they barely see each other. Um, there's and there's just so many differences, then there are similarities. But I do feel in most cases, family compatibility does play a part. And it should play a part. Of course. Right? Especially if the family near lives nearby and you want to be able to go to the family's home and interact with them. If they're too far on one spectrum religiously, then that's going to create problems and conflicts.

SPEAKER_02

Of course.

SPEAKER_00

And that's one thing. And the second thing I want to talk about is it's unfair to the person that's trying to get married if the father, for example, is an alcoholic, or if the mother is dresses immodestly, but the guy or the girl that you're meeting is a 10 out of 10, religiously, spiritually, this and that.

SPEAKER_02

But you just contradicted yourself because you said family compatibility is important.

SPEAKER_00

So that's not a contradiction. That's that's just me kind of wrestle with these two things. Like how do we figure that out? Right. And do we have to compromise on one thing or the other? Do I compromise on family compatibility because this person is just a perfect match? Or do I just kind of roll the dice? So I don't know. I don't know how I would deal with that situation.

Parents As Gatekeepers

SPEAKER_02

It might look, I don't know, it might look like it's a dilemma, but I think if the person you're talking to is like 10 out of 10, like you said, they're very committed to their dean and they're very different from their parents, and they're mature enough not to be dragged into that kind of environment, then of course that's the most important thing because at the end of the day, you're marrying the person. I know the person comes as well with the whole package of their family, yeah. But at the end of the day, you're marrying the person, you're not living with your your with your in-laws. That's what matters.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. You know, the one thing that I used to hate so much when I would reach out to families and stuff. So I'd be on these WhatsApp groups and people would post posts their uh profiles of their daughters, and of course you would see the mother's phone number, the daughter, the father's phone number. And sometimes I'd send a text message saying, Oh, this is my picture, I'm interested. And the first thing they would say, and would really piss me off, what is your mother's phone number? I need to talk to your mother. What is your father's phone number? I have to talk to your parents.

SPEAKER_02

It's like you're not a grown-up.

SPEAKER_00

It's like I'm incapable of having a mature conversation about you know who I am, uh, what my values are, whether or not I'm a good fit for you, but no, you have to talk to my parents. And my mom, the interesting thing was that she would hate these conversations. She's like, I don't want to deal with these people. Like, you're a grown man, you do it, you deal with this. And I'd have to respond and say, I'm sorry, but she is being stubborn. This woman wants to talk to you for some reason. So it's like this, this cycle or this um, I don't know, what's the word, this problem that we feel that parents or just families are a better indicator of compatibility than the individual himself. And they're putting it correctly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And they judge you based on that conversation with your mom, how it went. Yeah. When you might be very different from your mom.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02

Um I'm pretty sure you're not the only one who went through this. I'm pretty sure some of our listeners are going through this.

SPEAKER_00

I'm sure if you're Daisy living in the West, you've probably been through this. Wow. Especially if you're a guy. And on that note, I'd love to hear.

Listener Stories And Sign-Off

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, of course. You know what? Actually, guys, listeners, I'm a little bit upset with you. Every week I'm waiting to see a comment. Every week I'm waiting to see a thought. I'm like, I don't know, uh are we speaking like to an empty air, to an empty microphone, to the to the ether? What is it called?

SPEAKER_01

The ether, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Is there anyone out there? So, yeah, if like if what we're saying resonates with you as in like these are the experiences you also are going through or went through, please let us know.

SPEAKER_00

Um have you been in situations where you felt uh you were too religious for one family or you weren't religious? For another family, let us know. We'd love to hear stories. Um, and that's how the podcast grows.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, inshallah.

SPEAKER_00

All right, until next time.