Diary of a Matchmaker

How Scholars and Others Have Let Us Down

• Halal Match • Episode 93

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This episode is one of those conversations we hesitated to have… and then realized we had to. We talk honestly about the mediocrity we’ve run into while trying to do serious work in the Muslim community. Not just with people in general, but with scholars and community leaders too. Big names. People we respected and whose lectures we’ve shared. We reached out in good faith, tried to collaborate, and were met with silence, ghosting, or half-hearted follow-through. It raises uncomfortable questions. Who actually gets access to scholars? Why does it feel like there’s an inner circle, and if you’re not connected, you don’t exist? If we teach adab, amanah, and ihsan, where do those values go behind the scenes?

We also zoom out. This isn’t just a scholar problem. We’ve seen the same patterns with Islamic organizations, Muslim professionals, and even clients. Promises made casually. Accountability treated as optional.

This episode isn’t about canceling anyone. It’s about standards. About showing up. About why our community especially singles deserves better than mediocrity dressed up as good intentions.

If something we said made you think, laugh, or feel seen, leave us a rating and review! It helps more people find the show. And hey, if you know someone who needs to hear this episode, send it their way. Sharing is caring!


SPEAKER_03:

When you hear these words, self-entitlement, missed appointments, poor quality service, no appreciation, you might be thinking of a really bad Google review of your local barber. Actually, we're talking about us Muslims.

SPEAKER_00:

Assalamu alaikum, I'm Hiba.

SPEAKER_03:

And I'm Zayd.

SPEAKER_00:

You're listening to Diary of a Matchmaker.

SPEAKER_03:

A podcast that will take you into our world as matchmakers.

SPEAKER_00:

We'll share our experiences and offer advice for the single Muslim.

SPEAKER_03:

So let's dive in. Bismillah. Asalaam alaikum, everyone. Welcome to another episode.

SPEAKER_00:

As salamu alaikum.

SPEAKER_03:

And we're back. So, what do we have to talk about today?

SPEAKER_00:

Food.

SPEAKER_03:

Food. Yeah, we should do an episode on food. Yeah. Like all the places to eat in the GTA.

SPEAKER_00:

Food compatibility. Yeah. That'd be fine.

SPEAKER_03:

That'd be fine. I think that's what's next for people. Let's see if we're compatible on food, right? Um, but if I don't know if you guys consistently listen to us or not. And for those of you who have not listened to episode seven, uh, we recorded this about a year and a half ago. And uh it was a kind of a selfish episode. We just wanted to vent, we were really frustrated with a lot of things, and it was all about just how we were dissatisfied with working with Muslims.

SPEAKER_00:

It was titled Why We Hate Working with Muslims.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, and we're talking about both clients as well as service providers. And this episode is kind of a part two of that. Um, and the funny thing is, a year and a half later, we're still here, still talking about the same things, just on a larger scale, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, unfortunately, those feelings we had back then only got cemented during all this time.

SPEAKER_03:

Cemented and magnified.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So why are we doing this episode?

SPEAKER_03:

Back then, when we did that episode, we thought maybe this these few incidences are just random, right? That they're probably just a few one-off occasions.

SPEAKER_00:

Maybe it's just us.

SPEAKER_03:

Maybe it's just us. Maybe we're doing something wrong. But we kept persevering, we kept pushing, and here we are still seeing these same problems, these same things on a much larger scale. And not just your average Muslims, we're seeing these problems with scholars, with organizations. And the purpose of this episode is to see maybe whether maybe it's not just us, but you guys are also experiencing the same thing too.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah, because you're probably dealing with other Muslims in like whatever capacity. So um, and also it's time we hold up the mirror and look deeply. And instead of just like every time we hear something negative about us Muslims, we immediately uh like say, Oh, this is discrimination, racism. No, maybe it's time for us to take to take a deep look inside and see what we need to work on.

SPEAKER_03:

For sure, for sure. Inshallah in this episode, we want to not just give a general overview of what we're experiencing, but give specific examples. Uh, of course, we're gonna keep the names anonymous, keep the organizations anonymous out of respect, even though part of me wants to share that, but I will I would never do that. Uh so let's dive in.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, Bismillah.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, so Bismillah. The first one is let's say her name is Samyya. And uh she What did Samia do to you? What did she do? What didn't she do is a big question. So we signed up with Samia very early on, and we were reaching out to her for a website to build our website. And we were so excited, and we we s I don't know how I think we found her on Bark, was it?

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_03:

We found her on Bark, set up an appointment, and uh she gave us the first kind of template for our design uh for our website, and then we also hired her for social media management.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And I feel like you want to say something, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, no, just the fact that at that time we were so naive, so we were so taken with this website, and wow, it was so beautiful, and mashallah, you did all this beautiful work in such a short time.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Only to discover later that she just took a template, she didn't make any changes to it except for the the content, like the the actual paragraphs. Yeah, and that's it. And when another like professional website designer saw it, they immediately were able to say, This is a template. Yeah, it's not customized to your needs at all.

SPEAKER_03:

We spent a few thousand dollars on that website. We had to redo the website, pay another few thousand dollars with another website designer who also happened to be Muslim.

SPEAKER_00:

And uh let's give her a shout out to Happily Hafsa.

SPEAKER_03:

Happily Hufsa did a wonderful job.

SPEAKER_00:

Wonderful job. We're very happy with her.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. So if you guys are looking to get some website work done, check out Happily Huffsa. Um, but I think the part that frustrated me most about Samia was the fact that every time there were almost every post that she made on Instagram had a grammatical mistake. And we were paying, I think,$500 a month for social media management and just really investing on growing our social media platforms. We put so much trust into her. So much trust. And for us it wasn't about the money. We we would have paid even more had she delivered. Yeah, but just the bare minimum wasn't fulfilled.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Why do you have this look on your face?

SPEAKER_00:

No, I'm just uh reminiscing. It feels like forever ago.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah. Anything else you want to share about Samyia?

SPEAKER_00:

Um, well, the fact that Samya wasn't the only social media uh marketer or um manager who disappointed us. Yeah, we put our trust again, we're like, okay, maybe this is just a one-off case. Let's try this uh marketing agency, Muslim marketing agency. Uh let's call them uh what?

SPEAKER_03:

Uh let's call them uh Muslim media marketing.

SPEAKER_00:

Can you get any more generic? Okay, Muslim media marketing. So triple M.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, so triple M did what?

SPEAKER_00:

Triple M took our money and did not deliver. Simply.

SPEAKER_03:

Simply, yes. We we set up a video call with them. Uh we explained what we needed, and they previously did a wonderful job with some events here in Canada, and actually they did a big tour of a lot of their events. And we were just so taken away by how so impressed by how well they did, how many people showed up to their events. So we scheduled a video call and explained what we were looking for, and they were willing to take us on. And lo and behold, what I found out later is that the person that would be in charge of promoting our service lived in Pakistan. There was obviously a time delay, a time difference, a lot of communication issues, and I didn't hear back from them until months later.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, they contacted you later.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, well, to set up the to get the work going.

SPEAKER_00:

Really?

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. And I remember I was so upset. I was literally yelling on the phone at the airport when I was flying to Pakistan. Right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I said, I didn't hear back from you guys. I was expecting to get this work going much sooner. Um, I don't want to work with you guys anymore. I want a refund. And I emailed the owner of the company who we had previously done a video call with, and I explained everything that happened. And we had a legitimate reason uh to get a refund.

SPEAKER_02:

Of course.

SPEAKER_03:

And no response.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_03:

I didn't get a response. I said I remember that part. I remember sitting at the airport with my laptop, typing up a long email saying exactly what happened, no response. So we ended up disputing the charges with the credit card company, and it just it was just another failed experience with a Muslim service provider.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. You know, this takes me back to just a recent experience we had. I saw this book uh to teach Quran through illustrations. Yeah. And uh I decided uh to buy a copy for our nephew for his aqika, and to buy a copy for our uh baby girl for the future. I paid a big a nice amount of money, weeks went by, months went by, nothing. Uh they apparently sent it to the wrong address, and every time I would send an email, they would not reply. And maybe after I sent another email, they would reply like three weeks later or something.

SPEAKER_03:

Assuming these guys, I mean they make Muslim illustration books, so it's assuming these are Muslim illustrations.

SPEAKER_00:

No, it's the person I was communicating with is a Muslim.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, okay, okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And uh here we go, like what, five months later? I ended up disputing the the charge. Not five months, four months. Disputing the charge, and that's it.

SPEAKER_03:

You know, if I was to honestly put all our experiences, all our failed, miserable experiences Muslim service providers with Halal Maj and put um all our failed experiences and whatever in another column with our other business, Olive Haven, there would be a huge imbalance.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

A huge imbalance.

SPEAKER_00:

No room to compare, yeah. Yeah, no room to compare.

SPEAKER_03:

Um okay, another one. Sheikh Anwar.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. We found out about one of their events off Eventbrite, and it was like a premarital workshop. So we attended, and uh there were volunteers there, and they did a wonderful job promoting the event, and we thought, let's collaborate with them because their their work is right up our alley too, uh, which was premarital workshops. So we spoke with them and they were very interested in uh coordinating or I would say collaborating with us on doing a premarital workshop. So we spent months planning the workshop, promoting the workshop, uh going through our content. It was a lot of work. Um, but we did it completely for free.

SPEAKER_00:

No regrets, of course.

SPEAKER_03:

And no, no regrets there. We were happy to do it for free. It was an opportunity for us to promote our service, and the volunteer team was wonderful. However, after the event, we reached out to the masjid coordinator and we said, This organization previously allowed us to do the workshop here at your masjid. We would love to independently do our workshop here at your masjid. Very respectfully, there was no, you know, rudeness, no harshness, nothing like that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And we were shocked. We suddenly got a call from one of the volunteers. I remember we were in Ottawa attending a protest. The volunteer said that Sheikh Anwar, who was the uh owner of the organization that we previously collaborated with, he had an issue with us reaching out to the Mazda coordinator trying to plan our own independent event. For some reason. For some reason. And we said, What exactly is the problem? I don't understand what happened. And the issue was that they don't like it when these requests are not made between Sheikh to Sheikh or something like that.

SPEAKER_00:

It's like we bypassed him. We bypassed him. Yeah. Yes. Like we're not uh qualified enough to contact that guy. That's what it felt like.

SPEAKER_03:

It was so strange. We spoke, we contacted Sheikh and we met with him in person, and what he ended up telling us is that he doesn't want us promoting our service anymore with his organization, and that uh if he if we were to volunteer with him and his organization, it would have to be separate from Halal Match.

SPEAKER_00:

We can't bring halal match into the can't bring halal match into this. Even though Halal Match is the reason we do this work. Without Halal Match, there is no workshop, there's nothing.

SPEAKER_03:

So he just wanted us our free time and resources uh with no caveat. Essentially. And you know, to to add to this to this point, and what I've seen over and over again, and this is really something the community does need to pay attention to, which is showing support for Muslim entrepreneurship. They're really like it's not just us that our business owners. I'm I'm sure if I dig deep enough, there's other artists, Muslim owner, business owners, whether it's food, service, whatever it might be. And how often do you see a masjid or a community coming forward and saying, Go support this business, use their service? Never.

SPEAKER_00:

I I see these with this with churches.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. With churches. Yes. Yeah. It's more like we need volunteers. Exactly. We need you to help set up for eat prayer and jumma prayer, and um and we can't afford to pay you.

SPEAKER_00:

Or we need to fundraise like this is a very important thing. Yeah, we need volunteers for fundraising. They come to the community when they need funds, when they need volunteers, when they need something.

SPEAKER_03:

Right. So it's all about taking and not giving.

SPEAKER_00:

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Uh let's talk about the next one. Um let's take a scholar. A scholar, okay. Uh Sheikh, let's uh give him a name. Um Sheikh Adrian.

SPEAKER_00:

No.

SPEAKER_03:

You know who I'm talking about, but I know, but find out a different name.

SPEAKER_00:

Sheikh Khaled. Let's say.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, so Sheikh Khalid. He's actually a pretty reputable scholar here in the West, works for a pretty reputable organization, and uh we it wasn't easy actually getting a hold of him. We sent multiple emails, and finally, I think it was through his assistant that we were able to get a response. And after some back and forth, we scheduled a call. And I remember that first call, I'm sure you remember it too. Where he showed up 15 minutes late.

SPEAKER_00:

Didn't apologize. Didn't apologize. So the reason we're trying to meet him is because we wanted to bring him on as a guest on the podcast. Yes.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. 15 minutes late we talk and he's interested in the work that we're doing. And um, I think the subject that we wanted to bring him on for was masculinity. Because that's a bit of his strong suit. Yes. We we schedule the call, the call went well, we schedule a date to do the interview, and the date comes along and we're waiting for we we set up all the equipment, we cleared our morning, we're like when we sit down, guys, when we have a guest and we sit down like for that interview, we're pretty invested.

SPEAKER_00:

Like our brain is working on like full speed prior to the to the interview.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes, like any interviewer. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, like you're stressed, especially like when you have a big name like that's caller. Yeah. So we're so excited.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah, it was a huge opportunity for us. So the day comes, the time comes, and nothing. He doesn't show up. So we do our best to give people the benefit of the doubt. And I think we followed up and we got a response saying that there was an emergency at the masjid and uh he wasn't able to make it, um, but there was a willingness to reschedule. So we said, okay, fine. We responded saying let's try to reschedule for the following Sunday or the week after, something like that. And that was the end. We never got a response. We found out he uh went on vacation to his home country, and um that that was the end of it. No follow-up, no apology, nothing.

SPEAKER_00:

It's so disappointing because like we used to enjoy listening to his videos. He used to talk a lot about like how to excel and like being a better Muslim and like not just following tradition and all of that.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, and it it's really hard to not have a bad taste in your mouth with these people, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, because if it like I said, if it was just a one-off case, then yeah, but like when we keep just seeing a recurring pattern, then I don't know.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't know. Shall we move on to Sheikh number what is it, number three? Okay, Sheikh number three. So this uh scholar lives in the States. We I think we found him on Instagram, uh, does some wonderful content and somehow, somewhere we found his email address, sent him an email, scheduled a preliminary call. So he's very much involved in the community, does workshops, works with the youth. So we explained, just like with the previous scholar, you know, we do premarital workshops, we also run a podcast, and we'd love to invite you on our podcast to talk about how men can emulate the leadership qualities of the Prophet Um in preparation for marriage. I think that was the topic. So we were good to go. We scheduled a date, and I believe it was the day before we got an email. Uh he said, My apologies. Um, my father-in-law is coming into town, and uh there is something urgent that I have to do with him.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh but if you insist, then I'll find a way to make it work or something like that.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. And we were, of course, respectful, and we said, No, um, that's totally okay. We understand whatever it is you need to do with your father-in-law, uh, we can reschedule. And that was the end of it. No, uh, yeah, we sent that email and that never heard back.

SPEAKER_00:

Never heard back, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't know what more to say. Like, is it uh too much to say that that's unprofessional?

SPEAKER_00:

You would expect better from like scholars and shuyoch. Like you would hold them to higher standards than your average Muslim.

SPEAKER_03:

Like, do we even need to say that? Like that's the thing. Like, we is it shouldn't even need to be said that these are people that should be holding setting a better example for us.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, they're the ones like preaching and teaching and motivating.

SPEAKER_03:

You know, starting off in the service, uh like way back when we started in 2021. I didn't expect to run into this with scholars. I really didn't.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, me neither.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Another organization that this took a lot of work. They they do wonderful work uh helping Muslims with addictions. We sent multiple emails over the course of a few months because we we knew the that the kind of work they do is something that's really affecting single Muslims, uh, especially here in the West. So a lot of emails were sent, and then finally, oh yeah. I had to find a sneaky way to uh get in contact with the organization.

SPEAKER_00:

So, needless to say, we didn't hear back, we didn't get a response to any of those emails. Yes, but maybe four emails or something we sent.

SPEAKER_03:

Must have been three or four emails. So I schedule a kind of a client call with them, acting like you know, I was somebody dealing with an addiction. Uh like I didn't deceive them, I just used the link to schedule a call. That was it. For a consultation. For a consultation. And then on the call, I said, you know, I run an organization to help single Muslims uh find their better half. We've been trying to reach out to you guys for a long time to have somebody from your organization talk about, you know, the addictions that Muslims are dealing with and things like that. So she's like, okay, I'll get in contact with the owner of the of the company and um I'll reach out to you soon. I didn't expect to hear back, but surprisingly, we did actually hear back. So I think it was just within two or three weeks we heard back, and uh that person scheduled a call with us.

SPEAKER_00:

And um And uh funny enough, he mentioned that like I saw like you sent many emails, so I thought to my so I thought to myself, these people are persistent, maybe I should actually reply to them or something like that. Like that's what it takes. So so like you know, our email are we begging?

SPEAKER_03:

Like it's like such a slap in the face.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, let me see how many emails they would send before I reply to them.

SPEAKER_03:

Exactly, exactly. So we do the the video call, so the preliminary call, and uh we're explaining our service again, saying what the podcast is about, and that we'd love to have you on as a guest on our podcast. And he says yes, we schedule a date.

SPEAKER_00:

After he grilled us. Which is fine, like it's his right to know who he'll be like affiliated with.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes, so we schedule a date, everything is good to go. I think this was right around Christmas time. And uh prior to the to the interview, we always like to get a bio, a headshot, um, do some basic work just to prepare for the episode. We didn't hear back. And then finally, the day of, we sent another email saying, Hey, we didn't hear back from you. It seems like we're going to have to reschedule because we don't have the basic information that we need to conduct the interview.

SPEAKER_00:

I think we said something like, Please send your bio by this time, yes, which was like two hours prior to the interview, so we can prepare.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And he got back to us before the interview was supposed to No, he didn't get back to us.

SPEAKER_03:

He jumped on the call at that time. Oh, and then he read the email saying, Oh, sorry, I missed these emails. I wasn't checking my email over winter break. So even then, we said we replied the next day and said, Okay, we understand, you know, you didn't check your email. Always trying to give people benefit of the doubt. And we said, Okay, let's reschedule for the following Sunday. That was the end of it. Again, that was the end of it.

SPEAKER_00:

See, guys, not only single people get ghosted, even Muslim business owners. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

That was the end of it. Didn't hear back. And at that point, we were just said, There's we're not gonna try again, you know. We've like there's only so much you can disrespect yourself, right?

SPEAKER_00:

I wouldn't say disrespect yourself, but at the end of the day, like we're not beggars. We're not beggars.

SPEAKER_03:

So, yeah, I mean, how much are we going to compromise our dignity? Yeah, right. Okay, let's talk about MSAs. MSAs is the one place that I thought would be very receptive to our work. Yeah, me too. Because of course we're talking about single Muslims, young guys that are trying to begin that chapter in their lives. And keep in mind, by the way, every time that we have offered to do our pre-merital workshop, it's been completely for free.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. We didn't ask them to promote our business, we didn't, nothing.

SPEAKER_03:

No. So let's talk about the MSA in Washington University.

SPEAKER_00:

Of course, you know, we're changing everything. We're in Canada. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. So we reached out to them, we scheduled a call, we talked about the premarital workshop, how long it takes, the kind of content we cover, how everything is grounded in the Quran and Sunnah, is designed for people to uh really prepare themselves for marriage.

SPEAKER_00:

We also Presented our credentials as uh people with background in sharia and psychology.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes, and ones that have done this workshop before and that's gotten good feedback on it. Uh, after the call, we scheduled a date, we exchanged messages, and we were actually really excited because this specific university said they were gonna get like a hundred or like a hundred plus people. Yeah. So prior to that, we said, all right, we're really gonna prepare for this workshop. So we intensely went over all our content. We rehearsed it like we like we rehearsed for theater. Uh, we made sure that everything was covered, that we were good to go. And I think it was maybe the day before or two days before, that we suddenly get a cancellation message. They gave a very vague reason. I don't even think they gave a reason, to be quite honest, but it seemed like it was due to segregation reasons. So, just out of transparency, whenever we do our workshops, we like to be able to see both the guys and the girls because our content addresses both and our activities are designed for both guys and girls, and it's a very interactive workshop. And so, if there is a barrier and if we can't see the opposite gender, it really affects the way we can deliver our workshop.

SPEAKER_01:

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03:

So when we said this over the video call, they didn't say that they had a problem with that. They they wanted to move ahead.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Right? Yeah. So why move ahead if that's the problem?

SPEAKER_00:

I think they just went back to their like whatever their higher-ups.

SPEAKER_03:

The higher ups who like the emir of the MSA was also the mufti, right? The self-proclaimed mufti that uh has to deliver, you know, issue a fatwa as to whether or not this is okay. Ridiculous. Yeah. So yeah, we get a cancellation message just one or two days before, uh saying that um we don't feel comfortable moving ahead and we have to cancel. And I asked for a reason, and I said we worked a lot on preparing for this workshop.

SPEAKER_00:

We booked it on our calendar.

SPEAKER_03:

We booked it on our calendar, we did a lot. What's the reason? No response.

SPEAKER_00:

Really? I forgot about this part.

SPEAKER_03:

No response. I clearly remember not getting a response. Mind blowing.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Let's talk about another MSA. This time it's a college, it's not a university. So at this college, let's call it um Fatafit. Fatafit?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Any Arabs out there listening, you would and if you're a millennial, you would r probably remember that food channel called Fatafit.

SPEAKER_03:

What kind of food channel is fatafit?

SPEAKER_00:

Fatafit means like bites. Or like crumbles.

SPEAKER_03:

Crumbles. Yeah. Crumbs.

SPEAKER_00:

Crumbs, crumbs. Yeah. Yeah. And like we would spend hours every day, especially in Ramadan, watching Fatafit.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, maybe we can watch it together on YouTube.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know if it's still uh happening.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. Okay. So alright, so Fatafit College. Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

What do you guys think of the name?

SPEAKER_03:

Fatafit College. So at Fatafit College, we I had the privilege of doing our workshop there at one point. The turnout wasn't bad. I would say between 12 to 15 people were there.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, but you do remember what happened, right? We arrived like um not even on time early. We arrived early.

SPEAKER_03:

We arrived early.

SPEAKER_00:

And the organizer himself wasn't there.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

And the the what is it called? The projector wasn't set up. And we have to call we had to call him or message him, and he's like, Yeah, I'll be there like in 30 minutes, or people started arriving, then the projector wasn't ready.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, and then we had to call the tech guy, and the tech guy had to set it up, and it was a mess.

SPEAKER_00:

It was a mess.

SPEAKER_03:

But we somehow got the the workshop going, people arrived. Uh it was a fun and interactive evening.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it was.

SPEAKER_03:

It was a somewhat successful event. And then I think a year later, the same coordinator contacted us. We didn't contact them, they contacted us, I believe. And they asked us to do it again.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So we said, alright, cool. You know, the first one went pretty well. And even the second time, even though the first one we did for free, the second one we were willing to do for free too, I believe.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And keep in mind, this is like this college is like an hour and a half away.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes, yes, an hour and a half drive away. So we said, sure, we'll do it again. And we reviewed our content, booked our calendar, did all the work that we that we had to do, and suddenly get a cancellation. Yeah. I think it was the day before, maybe, or the or two days before. It was very short notice. And when I asked for an explanation, no response.

SPEAKER_00:

Hey, if you have a story to tell, we'd love to have you on. Here you'll find a safe space of listeners who can understand what you're going through. Just shoot us an email with a summary of your story at info at halalmatch.ca. So do you guys think all of these are coincidences? Or are you seeing something similar when working with Muslim professionals, Muslim scholars, organizations?

SPEAKER_03:

Or if we're doing something wrong, tell us.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, because we reach out respectfully, you know, we do all the preparation that's necessary to make sure that the events are successful. And yet, I don't know, it just feels like we're doing something wrong. Um, so one last one before we wrap up. So this organization, let's call them Wagner. Wagner Home. And they're very much community oriented. They are known, I would say, mostly amongst the 20 to 25 year age demographic. Uh they do weekly halakhas. Almost, I would say they do three, two to three halakhas every week. Yeah. And uh quality, honestly, quality halakahs. Very quality-based halakhas. We enjoyed going there. We've been going there on and off for many, many years.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And they're growing fast too. Yeah, mashallah. Mashallah, I think now they relocated to a third venue. We reached out to them to do a premarital workshop. Again, just like with previous event organizers, we've always offered to do it for free, and we were offering to do it for free again.

SPEAKER_00:

And this was like the right audience because they're all young, they should learn about these things, how to prepare for marriage. They're university students, some of them graduated and now they're like working professionals. So it was the perfect audience.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah. I spoke to the owner of Wagner at least three times in person, offering to do it. And then finally, he connected me to the volunteer coordinator or the person in charge of workshops. So usually every couple months they invite speakers. Yeah. Of various backgrounds, like psychotherapists, mental health, mental health, all sorts of things. So we knew that you know our work could kind of fit into the kind of services that they provide. Yeah. So finally we get on a video call with the coordinator, we explain our service, the premarital workshop, etc. etc. And um they said that at the time that they could not fit us in due to a lack of funding.

SPEAKER_00:

No, I think they no, they had other like uh commitments, other professionals lined up.

SPEAKER_03:

Right, so it didn't fit their timeline. Yeah. So we said, okay, that's fine. Um, but hopefully next year you guys can maybe fit us in. And then next year came along, I sent a message to the coordinator, and then uh again she declined. For whatever reason. I can't remember the exact reason. And I said, okay, fine, I'm not gonna push it anymore. And the thing, the part that hurts now at this point, yeah, and you know exactly where I'm getting to, is not the fact that they declined more than once, not the fact that I offered or we offered to do it multiple times, it's the fact that we see a post of them doing premarital workshops on their own week after week. Yeah. Tackling the same topics that we offered to talk about, and not to stroke our egos, but we do have something in this space to offer.

SPEAKER_00:

So we are involved in that space because of our work as matchmakers. We're not speaking from like a a scholar's view and like giving nasiha, a scholar giving nasiha. We're talking like we're talking from the trenches.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00:

So our like you as a scholar, with all due respect, you don't have the practical experience that we have working with single Muslims.

SPEAKER_03:

Right. It's kind of like a scholar talking about mental health.

SPEAKER_00:

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03:

Right? I don't know. I remember I feel like it hurt you more than me when you saw those posts.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, of course.

SPEAKER_03:

And it really just really left a bad taste in our mouth. I think since we didn't go back or we haven't been back since, and it's really hard to go back after seeing that. It really does. It does hurt. Um, but I don't know. It it goes back to my point earlier that it almost feels like there's an unwillingness to support local entrepreneurship.

SPEAKER_00:

Like organizations just want to stay closed in just within themselves, or sometimes like I don't know, they just want to work with uh people who have like bigger profiles and bigger following and to attract more attendees and yeah, maybe.

SPEAKER_03:

Do you feel like people are averse to bringing on speakers and um professionals that charge for a service?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, in our case, it was like we were proved the opposite. We every time we would offer for free.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes, I know we were offering for free, but maybe they saw that we are trying to leverage their platform to promote our own service. So they maybe thought that we were being selfish.

SPEAKER_00:

First of all, they could have addressed that. Okay. Number one. Number two, even if we were like expecting a little bit of promotion, there's nothing wrong with that. It's like mutual benefit. Yeah. Since we're not charging anything. And they could have clarified that with us. They could have said, Okay, guys, we'd love to do this, but just so you know, we would not be open to doing any promotion business promotions. You can't give cards or anything. But like at least boundaries would have been made clear.

SPEAKER_03:

Right, right. But the fact that we did a video call and they said, Oh, that we're interested, but we can't fit you in, but there is availability and we're doing it for free. There's just so many unchecked boxes.

SPEAKER_00:

And this one, you know why it hurts the most? Why? Because I really like them. They're doing a great job.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it does hurt. Yeah. Um, last but not least, we could share experiences from a few clients.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. So this client, let's call him Simsim.

SPEAKER_03:

Sim. Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Simpson. Simsim was interested in uh being matched through us. After doing a call with him, we noticed that he needs uh some clarity. He's unclear on important things that needs to be done before moving forward with the matching. We offered to do coaching, but he's like, no, no, actually, I have the answers to these questions. Let's just go ahead with the matching. Okay, you're welcome. Please fill out the form, upload your video, introduce yourself, all of that. Needless to say, his video was terrible.

SPEAKER_03:

And what was so bad about it?

SPEAKER_00:

It was obvious he was kind of reading. He wasn't it wasn't clear. He wasn't clear, it was all over the place. Yeah. Uh just his uh demeanor, like it's not something like a match would see and say, Oh wow, I'd really like to get to know this person. And that's fine. A lot of people don't get it tried the first time. We offer them guidance, try this, try that. In his case, we did the same thing. We offer some tips and some guidance. What do we get in exchange?

SPEAKER_03:

A very self-entitled video. In fact, maybe I should just oh sorry, self-entitled email.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Should I just read the email?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and bear in mind, we don't care about your video. It's not like we're gonna post your video on our social media. We don't care about the video. We're just trying to make sure we're able to do our job right. So if your video is good, your chances of getting matched are better. If your video is not good, then you're just gonna waste our time and you're not gonna get matched.

SPEAKER_03:

Right. So it's a very long email. I won't read the whole thing, but just a few points. He put in here, I appreciate the movie style critique of my video. I didn't realize I was auditioning for a role in your la la land world. I value real professionals who are understanding, realistic, willing to listen, compromise, and able to meet clients halfway. I tried my best, but no point repeating another video where I fake authenticities, authenticity as you guys are never satisfied.

SPEAKER_00:

Wait, did he do more than one video?

SPEAKER_03:

I think he did two.

SPEAKER_00:

I think he did two, and they both were terrible.

SPEAKER_03:

They were both terrible.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So we're professionals, guys. We're not gonna take sub-quality, you know, videos and forms and invest in that to try to match you. You have to bring the best version of yourself if we're gonna invest our time in you.

SPEAKER_00:

Is that something you would uh introduce to like uh I don't know, a company you're hiring, you're applying to?

SPEAKER_03:

Right, right. Would you bring some resume worked on by a fifth grader or would you like some like strawberry stains and right? So I just, you know, I don't know. I don't know what to say about that one. Um okay, last client uh whose story you want to share. Let's call him Salim. Salim is an old much older gentleman who reached out to us uh looking to be matched. The thing about him, he was a very monotonous person, didn't really show much energy and exuberance in in the discovery call, but we we felt like he's somebody that we could work with and that we could match. So he submitted the registration form, but his video was very much lackluster. It didn't really show his best self. So we offered some guidance. We said, uh, you know, try this, try some better lighting, try wearing more professional clothing. I think the the attire was really off. So he submitted it again, and yet the second time it wasn't good either. Yet we still kept pushing, and the the photos were off too. So before he could submit it, I think a third time, he sends us an email saying, I don't think this service is the right thing for me. I know you asked for a video and I looked for other options. I would appreciate it if I can get a refund since no service was provided. So we'll call it a day and bid farewell. Now, I don't like I'm just so speechless hearing that because or reading that because service was provided. We reviewed his video, we reviewed his registration form, those back and forth emails, but yet there was no understanding or appreciation for any of that back and forth. Like if a lawyer did that, they'd be charging a couple hundred dollars.

SPEAKER_00:

It's like that time that we invested means nothing.

SPEAKER_03:

It means absolutely nothing.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So we replied saying, sorry, the uh the registration fee is non-refundable. We did two calls uh for a total of 40 minutes, and so it was a very lengthy email stating exactly the amount of time we had invested. And then at the end, he says, No worries, I'll consider it Sadaka.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm like, okay. That was his response. Wow, the ultimate patronizing.

SPEAKER_03:

Right. So, like I I didn't know what else to say to him. We just left it there because there's no point going back and forth. Right. But going back to how we started the episode, no appreciation, missed appointments, self-entitlement. I mean, the list goes on. And honestly, the examples that we gave you guys are just like a small, a small fraction of what we've seen over the years. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's so much more that just time won't permit right now. Otherwise, you guys would have like a two-hour episode, maybe longer. I don't know. Like, we generally do want to hear back from you guys, not just for the sake of hearing back, but just let us know. Do you guys also experience this? If you're a Muslim business owner and you work specifically with Muslims, do you also encounter this kind of behavior from Muslims?

SPEAKER_00:

Or if you seek the services of a Muslim provider, whatever it might be, a doctor, a lawyer, whatever it is, are you also encountering like similar experiences, or is it just bad luck we have, or do we give out this like negative energy? Do we attract the wrong people?

SPEAKER_03:

Right, because like we said in this episode and another episode before, we d have never experienced this from non-Muslims. Yeah. Never.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. At the end of the day, like we are Muslims. We are supposed to hold ourselves to higher standards, to standards of excellence and like we're not seeing that. We should be better than this.

SPEAKER_03:

For sure. Until next time.